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Source: ace-disgrace-on-the-case on tumblr
Thereās something so uniquely terrifying about memory issues. I feel like my self is slipping away from me.
ace-disgrace-on-the-case - Hereās the thing I feel like a lot of folks donāt get: Iām not trying to forget what you said. Honestly, I really tried not to. I canāt control what I do and donāt rememberāforgetting things just happens. Itās annoying for you, I know, but for me itās distressing as hell and when you make a big deal out of it rather than just reminding me you make me feel ashamed. Iāll remember that, at least.
It costs you nothing to be kind to people with memory problems. Please. Itās scary enough without people treating memory lapses as a personal failing.
This is a tough one because people being forgetful is often due to lack of attentiveness as well. Took me years to realize that my spouse isnāt forgetfulāhe just doesnāt really pay attention to begin with, even though he would say that he does.
Anyway, itās always better to just move on and not make a big deal out of it regardless.
I had a friend who was like this. I eventually learned that it was useful to get her to repeat back/paraphrase what I said when it was something important. I first did it when I was extremely annoyed when her inattentiveness caused us both a lot of unnecessary stress. I snapped and spoke to her quite harshly ā I recall saying something like ādo I need to ask you to repeat back what Iāve told you, like youāre a child?ā. Man, Iām cringing just writing that, because whilst my anger was justified, speaking to her like that was out of line.
I later apologised to her for this, which she forgave me for, but she went onto say that getting her to repeat stuff back when itās important might actually be useful (as long as I wasnāt an asshole again). It felt awkward to do at first, but it ended up being a really useful strategy that helped us work together better.
Though this was only for important stuff. The vast majority of the time, it was wisest to just accept it and move on. I had to learn to not take things personally, and that giving her flack for it wouldnāt actually help.
Iām laughing bc Iāve been there on the other side š I have organic brain damage in memory and focus areas, and I think finally after two years my partner realizes I literally donāt remember conversations word for word, just the feeling and tone, then the info gets sucked up into my subconscious to be spit back out at occasionally the right times. He asks me to repeat back what I just said and I canāt.
Thank you for making the effort to not be an asshole about it, your friend appreciates it more than you know.
^ Thatās my spouse youāre talking about! I have to really get her attention dialed in if I expect her to remember a thing. Also, thereās a language barrier. Iāve started mumbling and talking fast with my Southern accent, which is fine for people around here. Sheās not really understanding me though. Sheās doing the same to me! When I listen to her in her home office, her English is far crisper and understandable.