Don’t fret, I’m trying to get better at the whole “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly” thing because I struggle with perfectionism. A badly edited mess of useful points in a reply is better than a perfectly written, well thought out response that never gets typed out.

One of the things that I look for in a therapist is a degree of constructive tension between us. Not conflict or irreconcilability but rather a perspective that I can respect and have sympathy for but which doesn’t fit perfectly into how I understand the world and relate to it.

If a therapist shares a foundation in values and approach but has different worldview which isn’t antithetical to my own, I personally find it to be the most productive; I’m not looking for a partner, I’m not even looking for a friend, and I’m certainly not looking for a yes-man. I’m looking for certain qualities and I’m looking for what can drive the most positive change in my personal development, and for me that means someone who challenges me in the right ways and who is willing to do so.

I think maybe if I use the metaphor of carving marble it might make sense here. Polishing marble might feel nice but it doesn’t actually chip away at anything obstructing the final piece, so that means nothing gets revealed and the act of polishing isn’t just unproductive but, in a sense, it’s counterproductive. The opposite of that is taking a sledgehammer to a chunk of marble and destroying it. But to carve something out of marble requires the right amount of force applied skilfully in the right places at the right time. And that means this process requires a degree of conflict or tension between the chisel and the marble. But I’m overextending the metaphor so I’ll stop here. (Caveat to say that this is all metaphor - therapy should not be forceful or violent, instead I’m trying to explain that I think too much agreement can cause a lack of progress in therapy.)