Disclaimer: I hope that all of this stuff that I typed makes sense, I’m quite stoned while typing this.
Well, so I’m quite new to HRT (now almost 3 Months) and the emotional changes are pretty much kicking in and I really like them so far (guys are pretty cute now too. That shit is wild), but this made me realise how much I would have enjoyed going through this puberty when I was younger. That’s also coppeled with how much I hated my puberty, not because of the changes, but because I experienced quite a lot of mobbing. This is like a very big between what I had (getting mobbed as a guy) and what I could have had (girls sleepovers and discussing cute guys and dressing each other up) which makes me hella Dysphoric. I also dont really have that much girls as friends. I have two other trans girls, but it is about a 1,5h ride to them so we barely meet up, and like 1 or 2 people that I can interact with that are girls. However, they are both about 15 years older than me. I also dont really see them that often (sadly). So I Am mostly experiencing my puberty alone or talking about it with friends on discord calls. However, I can’t really talk about this while one of the transfem friends is in the call, since she is painfully depressed and not on HRT yet, since she wants her semen to be frozen and the process is a complete disarster and it will only be covered by insurance if its done before HRT. So she always gets hella depressed/Dysphoric when I tell about what HRT is like.
Its kind of a shit situation, but it could be worse.
I had pretty immense grief in the first year of transition.
I just have to live for my present and future, though - and appreciate that I didn’t wait longer to finally transition. Realizing that I’m only going to get older, that right now is the youngest I’ll be, can be clarifying in terms of priorities.
I mostly had female friends in high school, but it’s hard to be friends with women when you’re perceived as a straight guy. So that social alienation from women was also a part of my growing up and adulthood. Basically my adulthood was very blackpilled and mostly about wishing and waiting to die. Estrogen was like starting my life for the first time. Once you start to pass and be accepted by cis women, it gets easier to socialize and make friends. Just keep going - it gets so much better.
One strategy I’ve seen trans women take IRL is to get more involved in kink and ethical non-monogamy spaces where there are lots of queer women - this seems to have become a basis of making friends and developing a sense of community. Spend time in queer spaces, esp. early in transition. Get out there, go make friends. :-)