Woke up with new direction and clarity this morning, having started this regiment of meds proper. A job; it’s so obvious! How could I have ever thought I would just magickally shoot into Michael Jackson levels of fame by posting on Lemmy World? I’m dumb, obviously, which leads to my immediate paralysis upon trying to shoot myself out of a job cannon into job land to get all the jobs; I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, literally relying on my phone’s keyboard’s predictive text to determine my breakfast at times, and I am certain to spaghetti at a moment’s notice.
I’m not afraid like I used to be. I understand “fear is the mind killer.” I used to be unable to talk to girls on the phone because I was terrified and everything shut off. Now I’m just anxious, and it grips my mind, but I can still work through it. Yet, it’s hard. I don’t have a map or waypoints or even a helping parent figure to give a shit about me enough so I just have to do the work.
That’s the easy part, even in getting a job; the just fill out the whatever, show up, do the thing, yadda yadda. Figuring out what the azimuth to all of that shit? That is literally what my RPG class is weakest in; social judgment. I can define the nature of the topological matrix we are not IN but rather ARE, but I don’t know a damn dinky how to shake a person’s hand right. Do I go in for the hug on the first interview?
I dunno. Writing helps put these feelings into concrete terms and helps me process the underlying emotions, so this is part of my therapy.
I can define the nature of the topological matrix we are not IN but rather ARE, but I don’t know a damn dinky how to shake a person’s hand right. Do I go in for the hug on the first interview?
modern society sucks for that reason; all of these unnecessary and often arbitrary rules about what is “normal” in society more often than not make absolutely no sense, and you’re not to blame for this. it’s well known that autistic people struggle with “normal” human interactions for this precise reason.
You’ve got this! You are already on the right path. Your only job is to listen to the universe and not fight it! And I’m speaking as someone who ALWAYS thinks they should fight the universe and is always wrong about that.
I know you’re not looking for advice, but if it helps easy your anxiety: If you’ve not had a job before, then genuinely you cannot fuck up an interview for whatever job will give you a chance at an interview. Literally impossible. Like don’t commit a felony on the interview in plain site and you’re golden. If they don’t hire you then they found an internal employee/family member/family member of an employee to take the spot so don’t feel bad.
Real life is nepotism. That is how jobs work in the real world, at least in the western world. Occasionally nepotism fails because the nature of capitalism inherently leads to alienation of your fellow worker, eventually ending in the dissolution of the family unit entirely – this is where you come in; to pick up a spot available because the hiring manager has run out of people related to them and the employees they trust.
So they already have no expectations from you. Especially without a work history.
Just don’t show your genitals, ask to see their genitals, do a multi-million dollar drug deal without cutting them in, or assault someone during the interview and you’ll be perfectly fine. You are a willing wanton cog wanting to be shoved into an uncaring machine. The machine hole is hungry for cog. You be the best cog you can be and fill that hole.
Just don’t show your genitals, ask to see their genitals
Them’s the deal breakers right there.
I’m trying to find my place in the AI-driven world as a writer, and I know I can kick any AI’s butt in a thumb-waggling contest, it’s just a matter of putting myself out there like that. Thank you.
