Well, it feels as if i’m erasing a part of my sexuality if i do not use both labels. Most of the time, i feel extremely dykie, i haven’t slept with a dude in more than a decade, i’ve never been interested in a romantic relationship with a man and the guys i could fall in love with tend to be fictional characters written by women. So i could easily say i’m a lesbian, right? Well, no. My experiences with men were definitely more than just experimenting, i’ll probably start dating men again just out of curiosity once i’ve got my bottom surgery done, and there absolutely are men i find pretty damn hot. So i’m just bisexual, right? No, that’s not it, either, there’s just too many days where i’m just generally turned off by anything that has to do with dudes, i regularly go through long phases of being deeply repulsed by masculinity, where i feel so much more on the lesbian side of things that i immediately want to gay marry a cool ass motorcycle butch and burn down the patriarchy.

Lesbianism and bisexuality are just two poles i fluctuate between. I tend more towards one than the other, and even whem i’m very, very bi on a given day i’m still notably more into women and enbies than i’m into men. But i really feel both of these labels, they both fit me in certain situations.

I could also get into how both bi and pan fit me - i don’t think they are full synonyms, i agree when people say “bi means you have a preference, pan means you don’t care about gender when dating”. And once more, this is another case where sometimes one is true for me and sometimes the other is true. But there, it depends on the person. There’s women i love for their way of doing femininity, there’s enbies i love for their way of doing androgyny - i cannot seperate what i feel towards these people from their gender performance. But there’s also people where that gender performance boils down to “it doesn’t fucking matter if i’m a girl or a boy or neither” and where i just see the person behind that. I feel very pan when i’m with a person like that.