Todd: Daddy, if Cain and Abel were Adam and Eve’s only children, how did they make more babies?
Rod: Did they make babies with their mother, or with each other?
Ned Flanders: Your mouth is hoping for a soaping boy. Now stop asking silly questions and go kill your brother!
Mother fuckers
I mean they have a sheep…
Wake up Sheeple! It’s time for church.
TIL the sons are Welsh.
And that’s before Lot’s daughters got him drunk so they could… prevent the extinction of the species.
Yes daddy Lot
Then we repeated it with Noah. The Bible is big on incest.
The story about the arc is more modern than one might think:
Even if you don’t accept that they parented all humanity, there’s Noah’s Ark, any diversity humanity had would mostly be reset at that point.
And even if the bible was wrong and they had sisters instead…
I asked my Catechism teacher and she said
“they did have sisters, they just weren’t documented because nobody cared back then” (misogyny in the Bible, who could have guessed?)
“the inbreeding is why we’re no longer the image of God” (well damn) and “we didn’t have diversity before the Tower of Babel” (oh no, if only we didn’t dare challenge God, we could have prevented all those pesky different languages and cultures).Can you just admit that the Bible is full of nonsense rather than justifying it with downright batshit reasoning?
I got thrown out of Confirmation class when I asked about that, luckily my parents laughed and said I should keep asking questions.
Forthermore, one of the brothers kills the other and is then Banished into the wilderness.
Perhaps this is the point where the theory of evolution and the Bible agree, and humans do indeed descend from apes.
Wasn’t there people outside the garden? I think it stood somewhere that they met people after leaving the garden.
The fuck did they come from?
A lot of the early books come from a time before the church decided to make Abrahamic religions monotheistic. YHWH was once the Hebrew god of war; a god within a pantheon of others. In that context, it makes sense that the other gods would have been doing their own thing. Another good example is GEN 3:22.
YMWH? Your Mother With Hiccups?
Don’t know wasn’t there but Genesis 4 definitly speaks about other people because Cain has a wife and his sons married some women who were not mentioned before.
Adam wasn’t gods first man. It says God created man then the next chapter is the creation of Adam.
It isn’t explained. They were there when Adam and Eve were expelled. Which means they were kinda like an experiment for God.
But God is all-knowing, he basically set a trap on them knowing the outcome. He knew he was going to punish humanity even before he created the universe.
“Jusr wait until I create these mofos, the ass whooping I’m gonna give them… Fucking hell, I love working in mysterious ways”
But God is all-knowing, he basically set a trap on them knowing the outcome. He knew he was going to punish humanity even before he created the universe.
Genesis still has some remnants of when yahweh wasn’t triple-omni. E.g. when he comes into the garden of eden after they ate the fruit, he asks what have they done as if he didn’t know yet. So he likely isn’t omniscient in the lore yet. If we wanted to be charitable, he’s just a sociopath here, and not a sadist that created a species already knowing he’s gonna punish them forever
The fuck did they come from?
The land of Nod, east of Eden. I’m not making it up, it’s in there. Quite the plot twist.
Mother fuckers.
