I’ve tried to “be normal” and fit in for the past 9 years of my life in an ocean of children from bourgeois immigrant families, the most insufferable flaccid energy, cabbage for brains STEM bros called Stanford/MIT/Berkeley students, and carbon copy clones of elite Silicon Valley coders so predictable it’s like they’re all Nano Puff jackets from the same Patagonia factory and it’s caused irreparable damage to my personality and thought patterns
It’s ironic that all they do is type 0s and 1s into text files on their computers all day yet they’re all fucking 0s. As in Zero chance of avoiding the Wall. Zero chance of redemption. I will re-educate these pickle-ball playing pickle-dick pickles so thoroughly historians will call it the fucking HoloKafka (Streams)
If I was in a room with Hitler, Churchill, Bush, Zuckerberg, a random Google coder, and a gun with 2 bullets in my hand, I’d shoot the coder’s index finger off so they can’t rock climb any routes harder than a V2 anymore and then
CW: non serious self harm
blow my brains out through the roof of my mouth so I don’t have to be subjected to this mind poison anymore
This nightmare labyrinth of tech companies is like Scandinavia, where all of its residents are smug bourgeois-proletariats completely drunk on the social democrat lifestyle and benefits but instead of being trapped by artificial human inventions like “borders”, I’m trapped by equally dumb bullshit called “shit healthcare”, “ever increasing rent prices”, and “being born to factory workers instead of wealthy doctors”
You wanna know how I got these scars? After my co-worker said it was a good thing his teammate got laid off and deserved it because he was a slow coder, I bashed his nerd skull into his mechanical keyboard over and over till he was throwing up Soylent and La Croix and accidentally cut my hand on the MX Cherry Red key caps while doing so
Ah yes my field. I spent like a solid decade thinking I was the crazy one. So many smug arrogant assholes that think they’re the peak of humanity.
Anyway I wrote a script that types out code from a random repo to keep my computer showing as active and then i just nap all day.
I don’t trust the competence of any programmer who isn’t able to secretly automate the bulk of their job.
If you understood all the references in this post, I’ll see you in hell for all the digital damage you’re inflicting on society
Ngl I got a good chunk of it from this video and the rest from the Silicon Valley satirists of our time, KRAZAM.
Silicon Valley delenda est
I found YouTube links in your comment. Here are links to the same videos on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Link 1:
Link 2:
O7
I volunteer for the wall
Being here just means I can be the quisling when the mob arrives outside to burn the place to the ground
No joke, “commie traitor at pivotal moment” is one of my greatest ambitions in life
As a wise philosopher once said, “What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns? One angry Narn… with a key.”
big mood
I’m unironically so much happier as a wild-haired communist doom prophet who makes their own clothes than I ever was trying to be “normal”. At least this way I get to feel what I actually feel.
late contender for post of the year
There are many things to not like about my job, but not being surrounded all day by smug STEM bros is not one of them
Why would I want to be “normal” when “normal” is what got us here in the first place
someone please etch this onto my heart
I’m normal passing
me too, for about 60 minutes
I’ve got the shittiest fairy godmother
Uphold GaveUp Thought
I always think about that one The Hold Steady line when I talk to tech people: “Big heads and soft bodies make for lousy lovers”.
These people are so fucking arrogant, so fucking full of themselves, and they’ve never worked a day in their life.
i guess i get what they’re sayin but soft bodies are pretty sexy tbh
e: i mean fat people
nature constricts the minds of the selfish in proportion to their plunder
I don’t want to be normal I want to find other people who are just as weird as me so we can go around freaking out the normies together
Sadly I’m alone because I’m so fucking weird
I don’t want to be normal I want to find other people who are just as weird as me
Won’t that just make you comparatively normal?
For our group of weirdos sure
not to the general populace (boring squares)
Great post, really like the use of language. I feel the same way re: your last sentence of your first paragraph. I went to a college which is known in the area for its CS/Eng, a lot of my peers were insufferable.
Why is pickle ball a thing
I find it hard to hate on pickle ball. I have an uncle with various physical challenges but he’s able to get out and play pickle ball OK. It’s nice to see him doing something physical and social.
So you…pickle…a ball?
Tech bros mostly only do skiing, tennis, golf, rock climbing, volleyball, badminton, and recently, pickleball as sports
as a skier, yeah. 98% of people i have talked to on the slopes are exactly like your post
Because it’s fun for the same reason as every other raquette sport but with a lower barrier for entry.
Shitting on pickle ball would have been Dennis learrys opening bit if he was still writing material today.
