The fucking Muppets aren’t entertaining. At all. Not even a tiny little bit. First of all, who is their intended audience, even? Not kids, really, because they contain a bunch of references to stuff that kids really won’t get. Kids don’t really know how a rock drummer is supposed to behave. They won’t find Kermit and Miss Piggy’s couple dynamics relatable. They don’t understand that Fozzie Bear is supposed to be an old-fashioned standup comedian. It’s all a bunch of weird cultural callouts, from a very specific 1950s-through-1970s American time period. Even kids in the mid-1970s didn’t actually understand what they were seeing.

But, on the other hand, none of that shit is appealing to adults. At least, it shouldn’t be. The pig woman is low-key horny all the time, but isn’t being satisfied by the naked frog guy? That’s funny to you? Those old guys are trolling everyone from the fake balcony seats, but they can’t ever actually put together an actual joke? You can’t understand what either the chef or the scientist guy is saying?

STOP ME IF I GET TO SOMETHING THAT’S ACTUALLY FUNNY, RIGHT?

It just isn’t fucking funny. Any of it. And it’s really not cute. It’s allllll just fucking stupid, from start to finish.

I don’t get what the appeal was ever supposed to be, and I’m pretty sure it only got popular because a large number of people were simultaneously afraid that they were missing the joke, missing references, missing SOMETHING, and they didn’t want to be seen as stupid, soooooo they agreed with the small number of shitheads, who were like “BRILLIANT! THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE PUPPETRY FOREVER!”

Puppetry is a shit-tier medium, anyway. Yeah, I said it. Real controversy I’m kicking up, huh? Yeah, you all KNOW puppetry sucks. It originated during the Classical and Medieval periods, when people desperately needed entertainment, but couldn’t stand to look at the faces of the other villagers for one more second, even if they’d written a play, and it was the only thing you could go and see, other than your walls.

The only SENSIBLE reason that the fucking Muppets are actually beloved is that people in the English-speaking world all watched Sesame Street, and that show is tangentially associated with the Muppets. And that’s fine. But it’s actually a kids’ show. And it’s not really the same exact thing as the Muppets. The two franchises are related, but Sesame Street actually teaches kids the alphabet and shit.

And fuck Jim Henson, himself. He was just some guy with a beard and a MASSIVE EGO. You’d have to have a giant fucking ego to shit out that kind of nonsense, with such utter confidence. If only he’d been able to actually write comedy or drama, he probably WOULD have been a great man. But he couldn’t, so he wasn’t. He was just a weirdo with a puppet fixation, who had a knack for jamming his foot into Hollywood’s door, before anyone could close it on him. More’s the pity.

Stop lionizing a deeply and pathetically unfunny, uninteresting man, just because he died tragically. Lots of people die tragically. It doesn’t retroactively give them talent.

EDIT: hmmmmmm, it seems as if my UNPOPULAR OPINION, which I posted in the place for UNPOPULAR OPINIONS is immediately proving to be pretty UNPOPULAR. Please keep this in mind, when you’re getting ready to type your personal attacks.