you started the war, you don’t get to cry about it

Less weird when you realize how many furries are in the sciences

The elusive gay-ace solo-poly particle makes up around 90% of the universe’s sexual matter, but we still haven’t detected it directly

“It takes six months to train a Transportation Security Officer”

Barron I need you to infodump about that Call of Dooby game again, we need new war plans

Gogging Ma Gog until I

This has the same exact cadence as a guy getting rejected on tinder and going “well I would never want to fuck u anyway u nasty hoe”

like this but the gold bars are all uranium

“Annyeonghaseyo fellow comrade, my name is Park Jo Steinowitz, would you please take me to the nuclear facilities?”

Getting tackled by the cops and a thousand Cadbury Eggs worth of Creme oozes out of your jacket as you lay on the ground:

What’s the charge? Enjoying a thousand succulent eggs?

Premature Chinamaxxer

There are man-milking machines everywhere for those with eyes to see

Mr Dånald Tråmp, I am begging you, please depose and extradite our terrible communist social demoncrat dictator Mette Maduro so we can experience true freedom for the first time. My family were peacefully farming five hundred thousand million mink on our ancestral lands, but due to the actions of the Covid Maniac Woke Occupied Government we lost everything (other than the billion kroner we were paid in compensation). PLease send delta force operators to the prime ministers palace immediately

I became hyper-sensitive to salt for several months, as a chef lmao, had to get my coworkers to season everything for me

Don’t worry, you can just become a politician and be exempt, they need their privacy for national security reasons of course. And even if you get caught with 6000 images and 2500 video clips of CSAM you can just claim it’s for research and get a few short months in jail.

The humble field mouse: