I just struggle with not feeling that I am transphobic, but all the kind people here have made me feel more confident and my fear is weaker now. :))

Thank you so much :)))

I can’t do that in real life very much, I still need to look and dress masculine. I have longer hair to shoulders, but that is as much as I can do, and if I start dressing less masculine, the people in my life will be becoming suspicious.

I don’t have any way to express it unless online, but I don’t know how to do that, and what I want is my expressions to be with my appearance. Here I stop.

Thank you for your kind words.

It is very strange and foreign for gender to be put that way, compared to other things like black and white where most things are not so objective, it is a bit confusing for me to read it, but it makes so much sense! All of the people around me in my life do believe in gender being strictly binary (and that God created gender for the human), but this thinking makes so much more sense to me.

Do you know how to change my mindset, so I can tell myself I may not be a cis man fully without me thinking that I am transphobic for having these thoughts?

I am leaving this here so in the morning you can see this.

I searched up some things about genderflux and found a Reddit post asking about it, and the top comment is a long one that explains it a lot. Would you say this is good?

So then I might be genderflux masculine? As in sometimes I am more masculine than other times? I do not have the exact vocabulary to describe what it is when I feel less masculine, I do not know if agender is the right term or not (absence of gender I think is the description?)

Also, I am thinking, should I talk to my friend about this and what they said? I don’t think they even remember saying it or me mentioning that I feel that I may be nonbinary. I don’t think they would disagree that I am nonbinary if I talk to them about this, considering they know more about genders than me.

Also, another question about vocabulary that I have is that can transgender and nonbinary be used together? My friend (like me maybe) identifies with multiple labels such as nonbinary and also transgender and gender qu–r (I don’t know if that is the good word to say, if it’s not, I will delete it.). They identify and present more masculine and nonbinary. As the comment on the post I linked says, nonbinary is an “umbrella term” that can incorporate any gender that is not just male or just female or that is not male or female (if the information is accurate, which upon further research, it might be.) Can transgender and nonbinary then be co identitys? (Sorry if that made no sense.)

Talking to people here made me feel really much more confident and comfortable with the idea that I may be not just or not entirely or not always a man (still researching vocabulary), and I am very very grateful that I did this and can get these supports :)))

I present entirely masculine, and have my whole life. The only experimenting I can do, really, is with the hair and maybe wearing lighter colors. I don’t want any body in the real life to suspect that I may be transgender (this is not out of my own transphobia but their).

Thank you so much, you have no idea what this comment means to me. You taught me many new words that I will now spend hours researching while I should be sleeping xDDD.

Thank you for your kindness and understanding :))))

Do you know how can I get rid of the feeling that I am being fake because I do not seem nonbinary?

It changes very often, like some days I feel like a man and some days I feel less like a man and some days I feel barely like a man.

I have never actually expressed myself femininely outside of growing out my hair (which many people in my life dislike.). I do not mind having a masculine body, I would prefer it over a feminine body, I just wish I could express myself differently sometimes when I want to.

Well, how most people define it as the gender identity that is not strictly the man or the woman.

The way that I thought I was, before my friend told me otherwise, was that I was mostly male but had some not binary elements in the gender? (Apologies for the bad English.) Like, sometimes I feel very masculine and I like looking and being seen as male, but other times I feel much less masculine and I want to wear things like skirts and paint my nails and have the long hair.

I tell myself I am not nonbinary because my nonbinary friend said so, and them as a real nonbinary person are a better authority on subject than me as a cisgender man. (I know this logic is flawed but I cannot change my thoughts that easily even when I know this is not logical.)

Am I transphobic to myself?

Thank you for your comment and kind words. Another person on the other post I made mentioned that there are some types of OCD where one is fixated on the fear of doing something taboo, I probably have that, where I am fixated on the fear of being transphobic when I know I am not.

I also seem to have this sort of double standard for myself and for others (if that is the right term). For others, of course nobody else can tell them what their gender is! For me, well, my friend is actually nonbinary so they are the better authority on the matter than I am as a cis man. It is strange and I don’t really know how to get past that. I have been trying to ignore these feelings that I am not fully male, and it is making me insane.

I guess. It is also not safe for me to be open as nonbinary offline even if I was.

No, that is not what I am saying. I am using phobia to mean what society means, my fear is that I am bigoted toward trans people. I am not scared of trans people or of me being trans (though I worry that I am transphobic for believing so).

I did know that last part, I myself have a lot of neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ friends.

I cannot really express my gender in real life, but online my friend had seen photos of me (in which I dress very plainly and masculinity) and has heard my voice. I never expressed to them that I ever was uncomfortable with being fully male.

This made me laugh XDDD

Thank you. Press the button, I’m not sure. I have been telling myself to stop thinking about being nonbinary since my friend said it, so it is probably not that I am nonbinary in the first place.

I’m not very scared of being labelled as transphobic, weirdly, I just have this gut feeling that I am, and I am more scared of actually being transphobic than being seen so.

I’m not quite understanding this comment.

Uhh, if I were Rowling, I would probably try to continue my career as author or retire because I have enough money.

Thank you, this is a very kind comment, and it made me smile :)

This logic makes no sense, but I feel like I’m not allowed to be as trans/nonbinary because my nonbinary friend told me I am not. I guess I see them as more of an authority on the matter since they’re actually nonbinary? I do not know. This is not something I believe for anyone else, just myself (I would personally never tell someone that they are not nonbinary because that’s not something I can tell or decide.)