I hornyposted to a personals site looking for someone to flog and fuck me, and my introverted anxiety ridden self is v anxious from it. But its good for me - my homework is to be more forward with people. I just wish i didnt get all panicked from it 🙃

Im kinda finding myself very scared about the day1 EO and what it symbolizes/forbodes. Ik i will probably be ok because of where i am located, but also libs will roll over for anyone and i wont put it past them to say we need to accept and uphold the EO in the name of unity.

Ig its time to bring a chamber pot with me everywhere i go, or a bigwall poop tube

I am so tired of my friend. She is in a codependent friendship with me that i am trying to get out of while she dives deeper into the hatred that comes with the slow withdrawl of ones therapist (me). Istg if i spoke to her the way she speaks to me she would freak tf out.

Shes homeless and we are housing her, and i want to stay dedicated to that, but it has been months of her making my life more and more painful, because she is upset that i spend intimiate time with my roomie and not with her. I didnt even reduce the amount of quality time with her, i just started spending intimate time with my roomie.

Me and my difficult friend spend most days together, i am her (perhaps only) source of codependent emotional validation, and she is pissed at me (like, staring daggers at me for daring to leave my room, being snippy petty and shitty, trying to control me, etc.) for not wanting to do that anymore and trying to establish a boundary around my time and emotional energy. I poured so much energy into her because i genuinely like her friendship when she is in a good space, and i wanted to help her get back on her feet again.

I struggle so much with codependency and she knows this, and ive been upfront with her about the ways ive contributed to the codependent friendship between us. I am trying to tell her again and again that she needs friends beyond just me and my roomie, but she doesnt try to make friends. So then i have to choose between emotionally abandoning this person or upholding my own boundaries and preserving my emotional sanity and safety.

I need an emotionally safe space for myself and she is taking that away by doing things like banging on my door to ask if it is ok to throw away a piece of trash that isnt even mine. It was clearly a ploy to try and let me know how pissed she is with me; its only recently ive stopped modifying my behavior and agreeing to unhealthy things (like texting her whenever me and roomie go to one of our rooms together) to make her less pissed off, make her not be angry with me. I think she recognized this and thats why she only talks to me about her issues and not my roomie, cause my roomie established boundaries early on. Im so exhausted of having her hate me for not spending all waking moments with her.

Were all supposed to move together, try to find a house, but im legitimately terrified to sign a lease with her. I refuse to bring this dynamic with me into a new home. Plus where we are now has fantastic sound isolation and wherever we move will be far worse: her main complaint is hearing us fuck, which we have taken steps to reduce and eliminate where possible. However we havent fucked in like a month, and she has complained about us every time we go to one of our rooms. She complained today that she could hear us talking last night and it kept her up which 1 no it fucking did not, we were not talking loud, she heard murmurs and hyperfixated on them i know because i have heard her shouting in her room and it is not fucking loud at all and 2 if thats happening come knock on the fucking door instead of sulking all night. Talk to us and ask us to be quieter when its quiet hours in the apt block. If its outside quiet hours put on some ocean waves or other ambient music. And also like I cant read your fucking mind and shouldnt have to deal with your hatred and vitriol for failing to! Its like she expects me to solve her problems for her without telling me about them, and the only solution acceptable to her is such an extreme contortion for me that its completely unacceptable! I have no fucking sexual autonomy in my own fucking home anymore!

I need out of this dynamic, i need her to have housing, i want her to be happy, and i want her and i to be ok in our friendship. But right now, i think i have to choose between the needs and the wants, because i cant get out of this dynamic and ensure shes housed while also making sure shes happy and were ok. I think I have to stop caring about her feelings and that scares me so much and really activates my own self hatred.

Im infatuated with multiple people and it kinda sucks, why must the heart yearn for pretty women to just hold me close?

I hate my brain sometimes. I tried to express to someone who called me pretty that they were also attractive and was hit with overwhelming waves of feeling predatory for even finding someone attractive. I hate my brain. Idk if i even want to fuck this person, i think i just want to be their friend, but i still feel predatory for even finding them attractive in the first place, let alone that i expressed that to them.

I hate my internalized transphobia.

No i dont think she can hear us that well. I mean, she can probably hear the loudest of the loudest parts of what we do. But thats part of having neighbors and roommates. Idk like i grew up listening to and even falling asleep to the sound of people fucking a lot, and to me thats just part of living around people, especially in the city. So like to me if its like a sleep disturbance thing i would get it, but its literally just anytime she thinks about either of us being sexually active with anyone. And tbh she thinks about it more often than we do at this point.

Thank you thank you ill be here until the sex stops rocking my world

My friend has been so fucking weird with me and needing constant unending intense emotional support around her life and specifically around her jealousy of myself and one of our friends fucking. I keep trying to tell her that i cant be a suppirt person in this for her, but nothing changes, and i keep having the same conversation over and over and its fucking exhausting and i just want it to end. The convo isnt productive, and its sole purpose is for her to get reassurance that we wont fuck when im clear and adamant that that us stopping wont happen, because us fucking is none of her business. We all live together and she wants me to text her any time we are gonna fuck but also doesnt ever want to know about it and i keep telling her that its not appropriate or healthy for us to have that depth and style of communication and she agrees with me and then a couple days later asks for it again and we have the exact same convo all over again

Anyway i keep asking for space and she doesnt give it to me and she gets upset and feels like im “leaving her” when i go to my room for distance and space. Im so done with this.