Its just so exhausting and upsetting.

excerpt from a conversation from yesterday (CW transphobia)

Transphobe 1: its too tall!

Transphobe 2: what is?

Transphobe 1 gestures at me

Transphobe 1: that thing

The conversation continued with additional transphobia.

And like i get it okay, im not a person, not even a human, but can we just skip the whole conversation? Or is the whole dehumanization and inflicting pain thing the enjoyable part?

I guess a positive is that it shows who the fake and fairweather allies are, like i was surrounded by people i thought were allies but no one said a damn thing. It was transphobe 2 that actually called out his friend cause ‘you just cant say that stuff anymore’ 🙄. Transphobe 1 proceeded to try and defend his actions by claiming he was using gender neutral language cause he didnt know how to gender me. Like, no motherfucker you fucking werent! Gender neutral language isnt dehumanizing language! Now i get to go organize an event with these same “allies” who said nothing. I demand that you shoot me now, so i dont have to do this.

Im not sure why im so upset about this. Its not that bad, really just par for the course. Not like he was beating me or anything. And allies should be assumed to be false unless otherwise proven. Its just so tiring. So damn exhausting.

Thanks for listening to me

  • sharedburdens [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Me talking to an acquaintance from organizing I haven’t talked to in over a year

    them: Hi deadname

    me: oh it’s newname now, I’m using she/her now

    them: deadname, newname what’s the difference right?

    me: agony-yehaw

    • Orannis62 [ze/hir]@hexbear.netEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Reminds me of how my gf’s dad once told her he was gonna nickname her her deadname so he could continue calling her that. As a funny joke that he also would 100% have actually done if there hadn’t been pushback

  • Evilphd666 [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    There was a phrase used before in queer rights and I think it needs to make a comeback because trying to constantly justify your existance is fucking exahusting and I can’t believe we’re back here again. This country just doesn’t learn.

    We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.

  • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    lady if i heard that shit being said about my friends id go rabid and start ripping throats out with my teeth. these “allies” are too busy holding their heads under water

    cat-trans

    • lilypad [she/her, null/void]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Theyd rather drown than stick their neck out. Like, at least transphobe #2 was shutting stuff down, even if it was only out of recognition that its “no longer socially acceptable” or whatever. I guess im also just like having to reorient my understanding of the people who were there, which is dissapointing af.

      Thank you for the trans heart <3

    • Sickos [they/them, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
      0·
      1 year ago

      There are several folks out there who prefer “it/its”. Most famously, maya arson crimew (it/she).

      Though obviously the example in the post was done maliciously.

      • Cummunism [they/them, he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        0·
        1 year ago

        There are several folks out there who prefer “it/its”. Most famously, maya arson crimew (it/she).

        interesting, i did not know that. “it” just seems dehumanizing inherently. I felt like “it” is like calling someone furniture instead of a person, but hey if they want that then they should get that.

        • hissing_serpents [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
          1·
          1 year ago

          at least for me the dehumanization is kind of the point, we use ‘it’ for animals too, but only for the disposable ones. cis ppl will apologize for misgendering a dog and then turn around and use the same language for a trans person that they would for a pest.

          i don’t like that it’s as simple as “dehumanizing” to take away your consideration for someone, like maybe if being other than human weren’t a license to be treated with cruelty and disregard it wouldn’t be as easy to deny empathy just for being different.

          i’ll use it/its out of solidarity with everyone and everything that doesn’t get to be a person, and bc i still have that privilege (usually) but i’d rather it not be a privilege at all.

          also anecdotally as a trans woman saying she/it is a great way to not get passively aggressively they/them-ed and “that person”-ed