Hey wonderful ladies, gents and everyone outside!
I wanted to ask if anyone else experienced something like this early on their feminising journey: I’ve recently finally shared my dramas/worries around my gender identity with my doctor (after who knows how long of the writing being on the wall and loud) and suddenly things are a bit easier, it feels like I can breathe a bit deeper, the internal strife is quieter. But within my consciousness i don’t think i feel any different? It’s almost like a silent subconscious side of me was trying to scream for years that something was wrong, and I’ve finally listened at least a bit so it’s stopped fighting me, although the “me” i experience doesn’t seem to care that much.
I ofc feel relieved (and terrified!) to have talked about it at all. But it feels deeper than that, and this deeper peace I’m experiencing is obvious to observe within myself. I’m planning to ask to speak to a specialist next appointment but that could be weeks or months away and I’d like to try to make some sense of it before then! Unfortunately I don’t have any family or friends who this topic would 100% be safe with, they’ve all shown at least yellow or orange flags of transphobia.
I’d love to hear any of your own stories or similar experiences. Also thank you for this community, i don’t think i would have opened up if it wasn’t for the tales and thoughts shared.
i perceive this similarly. there is a person(a), that maybe never learned to talk properly, but that also isn’t separate from me. i am trying to befriend this part of me now and hopefully fix this relationship that must’ve been so hurtfull to the little one over the last years.
in a way it helps me to imagine there being a person, whith which i could interact. to me alone, i wouldn’t be that caring and patient. i feel like over the last year it helped me to regain access to my emotions and a sense of self.
i was in jungian therapy for a while and i learned to think of my dreams as manifestations of external but also internal conflicts and structures. i guess this opened a path to realise my being trans in the first place. i try to continue this conversation.
Thank you so much for your comment! The emotion behind this topic is incredible right now, a lot of excitement and stress talking about this anywhere but a room with a single trusted professional.
I like the theory that maybe it’s the two sides of the brain. I once had a dream where i was two separate people. One was adventurous, impulsive, active but didn’t talk only showing emotions. The other one was like a guardian, more slow, cautious and calculated. Oddly similar to how the hemispheres of the brain work!