It came for me again, a sharp sense of inferiority that has once plagued and beleaguered me, that I have been outdone in everything that I had invested so much effort in… Grades, Work, Lifestyle,… What is going to become of this waste of a man, I did ask myself. I was stopped and dragged from the heights at the right time and in lieu thereof consumed enough vodka to knock myself out on the spot, slashing myself a few times in the process.
And I wake up in tears because I had failed you bois, the bois that had consoled me from my last rant and those who are still sending regards that I am getting thus far. I alas have failed to prevail over my own pride of having been the best for so long, and defeat is still something that I could not own up to without animosity.
The future is still long for me and to an extent I have come to regret my resolve, but acceptance of misfortune and defeat is still a step too far for me. What good is life if you never get recognition for your achievements. Living the rest of my life knowing there are people that are better than me in every given aspect - without ever conceding of my misgivings and ceaselessly striving to outdo them in a field that they never cared for - will be a suitable punishment for my escape attempt from the easy route.
I wonder why I couldn’t change or be like them.
Disregard this word salad if you do not like mindless ranting.
Don’t be like me mates. Sorry for disappointing you all. Here I go regretting everything again. In any case won’t see you bois for a while.
Recuperation and torment due.
Glad to hear from you, even if it means we won’t hear from you in a while😔, take your time and find loved ones to confide in if possible. We love you comrade❤️
It all sounds very, very desperate. I know how it can be. Do you get medical help, do you know where to go if it gets acutely bad again?
I’ve been there, comrade. Maybe not quite that eloquent, but I recognize the self hate. I found help through supportive loved ones and therapy, for whatever it’s worth, but I realize that might not be possible for everyone.
We all have a tough road ahead of us when we feel we’re circling the drain. I hope you find some help, in what ever form works for you, but don’t try at it alone if at all possible.
Oh, friend.
I’m so sorry. I won’t say I know exactly how you feel - but I’ve experienced extremely similar things. I’m a suicidal drug addict.
You haven’t disappointed anyone. We’re just worried. Please get medical assistance and power through. We need you. Everyone needs you.
You’re not alone.
Find a partner or friend you can confide in. Devote your energy into helping with their problems and you will find your problems more bearable.
By focusing on helping someone who is special to you, you can help yourself. This person could be anyone from your mom to your husband.
