My husband and both gave the obvious and identical answer. I’m really curious to see what Lemmy comes up with.
“What are your communication cues so I don’t have to ask more than one question?”
That’s a good one! We both went to “how can I make your life better?” But yours would ensure long-term understanding.
Can you please stop peeing everywhere?
“No.”
I’d like to believe that my dog would say yes, but you are probably right.
What can i do to encourage you pee and poop in one of the 5 boxes?!
Do you trim their claws? My girl cat we don’t. She’s too difficult. Boy cat we do. He’s bigger and can dominate her. She stresses. Pees. Trim boys claws, playing field evened. No pee. Are least this is the working theory. As the boxes are kept pretty clean.
WHO’S A GOOD BOY!?
The only correct question
What can I do you make you happy?
My thoughts exactly, but then… with my dogs the answer would be “walks and treats all the time forever,” and then I’d have to explain to them how that’s not realistic.
One last chance to decide - do you want to be inside or outside?
Now your cat is going to explain quantum tunnelling in the answer.
This one made my husband laugh a very heartily laugh. One of our dogs is “can’t decide” type and the other is “I really love outside, but I will follow dog #1 no matter what,” which results in this weird game of “WTF DO YOU WANT?” with both of them daily.
“Yes.”
Why do you keep eating cat poo? It’s full of toxoplasmosis. It’s going to kill you. Why? WHY?
Oh sorry, that’s 3 questions.
I appreciate the sheer emotion in your questions. I can tell you’ve been through this a lot.
I’ve always wanted to know what my cats call me in their heads. Like, is it a sound or a series of meows?
Do you want to be here, or do you feel trapped?
Edit: I feel like most dogs who are treated well would want to be with their humans, though some would want more freedom from time to time.
Most cats, on the other hand, would launch into a long monologue about ruling the world, killing all birds and rodents, and roaming miles a day to survey their kingdom.
That’s a good one! Cats would certainly have much to say here.
I’d like to think my dog would issue an enthusiastic “I love it here!” but would probably ask for longer walks.
What is your name?
It would be interesting if they had a name other than what we call them, but it’s plausible.
Something along the lines of “how are you known” or “how are you called” perhaps?
“Bark Obama”
Why?
Will you please stop barking at EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME INCLUDING YOUR OWN IMAGINARY WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IT IS THAT YOU THINK YOU NEED TO BARK YOUR HEAD OFF AT please?
And the answer is no. You’ve used up your question.
Is this like a one-time question, or is it a repeatable question? Cause my cat has a habit of randomly screaming and most of the time it’s nothing and very occasionally it’s a medical issue (she has chronic illnesses). I’d love to have a repeatable “Where does it hurt?”
That’s a great question. I want to say it’s just a one-time question to make it more challenging. I’m almost tearing up thinking of your kitty meowing and you gently asking her “Where does it hurt, baby?”
Okay then. I’m assuming she’ll be able to understand my question in it’s entirety:
I want you to know that your mom [my sister] and your sibling cats all loved you very, very much, and that you’re a good cat, and it’s nothing you ever did that made them leave you behind, [they’re all dead now] and I also need you to know that the yucky-tasting-thing is really really good for you and keeps you healthy and I’m sorry it tastes weird, and if you’re feeling bad it’d be incredibly useful if you could point your tail at the thing that hurts, and I’m glad you’re a part of my life and I love you very very much too, okay?
My heart goes out to you and your cat, sounds like you two have been through a lot. Your kitty is lucky to have you and loves you, even though you have to give her the yucky thing.
What can we do to make you want to snuggle more?
Awww, this is so wholesome.
Have you seen spirits here?
The greebles! Well, if you have cats. My dogs just fight each other, they are each other’s demons.
I have three gerbils.
I’d probably ask if there’s anything I could do to make their terrarium nicer place to live
