Look at those fat Canadian dipshits, just waddling around, scaring children & shitting on the sidewalk. Truly admirable work, but they should still be available for public consumption. 1 in 6 Americans are facing food insecurity and food deserts and these sky deer are running around parking lots like they don’t have predators to worry about. Because they dont.
I understand we cant just let every stupid fuck with a gun go wild at your local sump pond; Which I why I propose installation of WiFi enabled public goose traps near all drainage ditches & retention pools. This way you don’t wait to wait all day in a hunting blind outside Walgreens, but can simply check your Güser™️ app for the closest available bird. The trap will release the bird for you as soon as you swipe your local library card into the reader, promoting literacy, allowing the homeless to have first dibs, and making sure your town is only sourcing local ducks, preventing goose runs & hording.
“But Zoift” I hear to object, “I dont want to eat geese that are full of my local landfill’s runoff.”
First off, fuck you, microplastics build strong glands. Second, just catch one & grain feed it for a week to flush out the gut and you’re looking at some primo bird. After simmering them for stock, the bones can be returned to the source, ensuring a steady flow of calcium back to the environment for future egg production & to help the secondary possum industry.
This is completely unironic, i want to eat those geese and i don’t understand why nobody else has yet.
Comrade, do you not see the Goose as our ally in the struggle against fascism and capitalism? The Goose does not bend to the will of its “superiors.” It does not tolerate harassment of its community. It does not recognize ownership or have leaders. They take turns leading flights. They have sympathy, compassion, fierce determination, and are intelligent.
We should all strive to be like Comrade Goose.
I see the decorations of the bourgeoisie flapping around a bunch of sterile curated lawns and asphalt lava flows. Geese have no internal cooperation, only a mad feudal struggle for nesting rights and hissing competitions.
Just try to fuck with the geese at a park. Individually they’ll puff up and honk & try to batter you with their little wing-bone notches, but there’s no team effort, no communal defense, no sense of camaraderie. Just an individualistic struggle for dominance over the mosquito infested waters of your local sump pond. Geese are lumpen, at best.
I propose that we allow each captured goose a stay of execution and immediately release it back into the wild based on its response to “honk if Thatcher’s dead.”
I am generally against capturing comrades for show trials, but, as a liberal, I’ll allow it in the spirit of compromise.