Hey, so… I may be in this situation soon, and I may just be in over my head here, but I’m a sucker who really couldn’t say no to this.
This kid took care of his grandmother as she deteriorated and finally died. He was there when it happened. She had a degenerative disease and the kid’s mom left him with her so she could “babysit” him, when in reality, this kid was the only one looking after her. His parent is a working single mom, so it’s really not her fault, but, like… damn.
The kid is 8 years old.
Kid’s dad is just gone. Disappeared. Has been since he was tiny.
He sometimes is watched over by his aunt, but she & the nieces just literally ignore him. He says that he just sat quietly on the couch for days. They fed him and whatever, but that family has their own batshit fuckery going on. Not mentally stable, tbh. The aunt is very hostile and I think he is scared of her.
He’s one of my in-law’s kids (whom I don’t even know well), but, like… holy shit. He and his mom now live in the deceased grandmother’s house, but she now has no one to watch over him. He has been going to work with her and being told to sit quietly and do not much else. They’re now almost an hour away from his school, so he may lose that part of his stability, too.
Again… he’s 8. And holy shit, kid barely talks. He’s so well-behaved and meek, it actually alarms me greatly. He used to hang out with my brother’s kids, but my brother moved out of state. He came back this week and was asked to watch over the kid while he and his kids were in town. This is when I’ve most recently reconnected with the kid, but I’ve met him before when my brother was still in town.
I have room in my home. I’m a single parent, too, but I’m fortunate to work from home and have a kid who’s 12 who could hang out, play video games with him, take him to the park, and whatever. I’m close to his school. I don’t have much right now, but, like… fuck, I want to give this kid a good, loving space, stability, and get him into therapy, for fucks sake.
I don’t give a shit about what your opinion of the mom is. I met her like twice. I also don’t plan to adopt this kid or anything (unless it really comes to that but that’s not a thing right now since he obviously has a parent), but I just need advice on how I should navigate this.
Medical needs? Can I get him into therapy without trouble? Will I need the parent’s permission? What should I ask her for? I’m not sure she’d be okay giving me his documents if this is temporary, but FUCK there’s a lot to do. I want to do something right for this kid.
Help? Please?
Just. Be. There.
You’re a parent, so you know how this is going to work. By the seat of your pants. Medical and Psychiatric needs are beyond your control. I know you say that it’s a need but it’s simply not one you can provide other than it coming from you directly. It’s just not something you can unilaterally do. You can try and get in contact with counselors at their school, but that’s about it. So focus on what you can do and that is be there. Harvard released a study about 8 years ago that had the statement that every successful child had ONE invested, stable adult person in their life. Not parent, aunt, uncle, brother, sister, grandparent. Person.
It sounds to me like you’re pretty dedicated to being that person. So I’d say the best thing you can do now is to just be you, and don’t stress about the things beyond your control. If you can continue to just be willing to invest this much effort you’ve shown already then you’ll be the best thing going for this child.