I’ve been with my husband over a decade now, and from the beginning I’ve struggled to tolerate his parents. I appreciate that sounds awful, but these are people who get ranty when they see a person of colour or a gay couple or a migrant or whatever else on TV that triggers their bigotry. Listening to their endless spewing of hatred is really difficult to ignore, and incredibly draining on your energy when you spend the whole time jaw-clenched so as not to engage.

My husband is, understandably, very bitter about my feelings towards his parents. I’m not even able to casually bring them up in conversation anymore without him starting to get angry. He doesn’t display his anger, we just know eachother well enough that I can see his resentment bubbling under the surface.

At this stage, every time he forces us to visit one another, to me it’s a step closer towards the end of our relationship. I have MH issues, and if his parents’ hatred-spewing happens to cross paths with me on a day I’m not able to control my outbursts… It’s not pretty. I made his mother cry once after I couldn’t take her ignorant, hate-filled ranting anymore. I’m really ashamed of that.

To me, the only alternative to the inevitable descent into breakup is to simply not have to see them, or not have to be there when they stay in our house. I don’t like them, they don’t like me, why should we have to tolerate one another? They can’t enjoy the interactions any more than I do.

But…this will put my husband into a very awkward position. He’s very close with his family and sees them often, and he hates my intolerance of them. The relationship as it is hurts him deeply.

Should I just suck it up and try to tolerate them better? I could just get fucked up on diazepam for every visit so I don’t care about what they’re saying.

So, my fellow Lemmings, would I be the asshole if, after the next planned visit, I refuse to attend all the visits to see them, or be there when they come to our house to stay?