I used to regularly get good sleep for a while pre-pandemic, but ever since then my sleep has become so dysregulated and I’ve basically become dependent on weed to fall asleep. It’s gotten to the point where I get nerve pain and restless legs (that in itself contributes to insomnia) if I don’t get high before bed, no idea if this is a shared experience with other NDers. On top of the fact that this makes weed less fun and it makes my tolerance out of control, I also don’t like relying on a substance to fall asleep as it seems to just make it more difficult to try and go without the longer I continue this pattern. I am trying to refrain from using weed to fall asleep for the next short little while but the first night I’m unable to fall asleep at all. Anyone have any advice or experience with a similar situation or just for regulating sleep in general? I know sleep difficulties are part and parcel of the autistic, ADHD, ND experience generally. I can’t function if I don’t get good sleep and I’m desperate.
Yeah boiiiii, let’s fucking go!! 💪
Well done. You should be proud of yourself, I’m genuinely elated to hear about these positive changes that you have already made in your life.
This might sound goofy but one thing that I allowed myself the time and space to do early on after I realised that I was autistic was to really explore my sensory experience, (a lot like a toddler would lol); for example I would touch a certain fabric and attend to my body’s reaction to it, then I would touch another one and see if my response was different. Or I would smell different things. That sort of thing. I also took note of the subtle ways that I would already stim which were very concealed, even from myself, and then I would make more of a conscious effort to engage with these behaviours, especially if I instinctively started doing any of them.
This is pretty autistic of me but I also started to create a categorised list of things that I noticed that I really liked on a sensory level, the stuff that gave me sensory joy. This also helped me to understand the commonalities better, it gave me a chance to identify the core traits of certain sensory experiences, and it helped my ADHD arse remember what I liked.
I haven’t even thought about this list in forever, until just now. That’s because it provided me with the scaffold to (re)develop my connection to my sensory experience and since I have done that, these days I can tell you with a high degree of confidence what I’m going to really enjoy on a sensory level and what I’m going to be really averse to just by looking at it; I don’t need that structure anymore.
Of course it’s usually easier to identify the things that you find repellent on a sensory level so if you’re not sure where to start, you can always start with the negatives and sometimes they’ll provide you with indication of what you will probably like since it’s often on the opposite end where you’ll find those things. Not always but commonly enough.
It might be something to think about.
I am not diagnosing you here and I don’t mean to cause any panic but this gives me a pretty strong sign that you might be in the early stages of burnout.
This is not a certain thing, especially not without knowing more, but this + sleep disturbances does point in that direction imo.
The most important thing that I want to impress upon you is that you’re already doing the right things.
The second most important thing I want to impress upon you is if it’s in the early stages of burnout then you can mitigate its severity/duration, or potentially even prevent it, if you allow yourself enough time to recover, to get your sleep back in order, to reengage with stimming, to really focus on things that give you energy and inspiration and a sense of calm, and to reduce your levels of stress and some of your committments and demands where possible.
The third thing is that I could be completely wrong about this so if the idea of autistic burnout doesn’t actually fit your situation then ignore this advice.
Lastly, you’re doing great and I genuinely mean it.
Oh I’m already a couple years deep in burnout already
I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement, I do think I have been neglecting self-care to address some life stuff that can wait a bit so that I am ready to address them without worsening my burnout. I’m moving in the right direction now though! Thanks again and to everyone else as well
You’re welcome!
Well, shit. Sometimes I genuinely hate being right about things. Autistic pattern recognition can be a hell of a thing.
There was one person I worked with who showed all these signs of sudden onset MS but spent months struggling with this “mystery illness”, where all I wanted to do was to scream out that it was MS but I couldn’t so I held my tongue. Of course, she eventually told me of her new diagnosis and it turns out that it actually was MS. The full story is actually kind of a wild and I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone about it before. Sometimes I wish I could turn the pattern recognition off because it’s stressful as fuck and it requires extra masking.
Idk where I’m going with this. I guess parting advice would be to strongly encourage you to keep at it with self-care as your primary focus; if there’s one thing that life has taught me it’s that autistic burnout is similar to addiction in the sense that you will think you have hit rock-bottom but if you don’t do something about this, it will surprise you and show that the lows can get even lower still.
I don’t mean to come off like I’m some doomsday prophet trying to terrify everyone but it’s too important to not warn people about this. So yeah, keep on prioritising your wellbeing and recovery and you will be okay.