It’s ruining my life. And the irony is it’s the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that’s the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
Rehab, preferably medical? if you’re at risk for withdrawal. After, some kind of outpatient or AA or SMART Recovery (popular AA alternative) involvement. Watch out, some dud rehab/ outpatient operations out there.
Maybe an individual therapist.