thinking about how in a time of need when i lost my housing no longer had income had to move back in with my abuser and i didn’t have anyone to rely on, that an east asian self proclaimed marxist “friend”(no more) of mine decided to randomly not be friends with me anymore because they thought my “mental health was horrible” (who’s mental isn’t completely fucked rn, if it wasn’t then THAT would be the problem + my mental is definitely better than the average person bc i deprogrammed and unpacked immensely and i deal with it in much healthier ways than most) from the advice of their 99% white peers (whom DONT know me) after they decided to move to one of the most notoriously white bubbled towns in the US. and urged me to “get help and fix it” as if i was some seeping toxic biohazard. i’m my own number one critic but i know they were just putting shit on me that didn’t have to do with me. it’s so easy for people with darker skin to be villanized and become the scape goat not just from white people but other “poc” literally for just existing and still being exceptional compared to literally any cracker. i’m tired of having to be the absolute best and holding myself to the highest standards just to be shown a little fucking love, or at this rate be treated like a human being. it’s funny because i’m genuinely in love with myself and who I am and the journey i’ve been through means everything to me and i’m determined to see it through the way i want to just like everyone else gets to without scrutiny, and for some reason the world really fucking hates that.
Many such cases. I can relate deeply with your experiences and these experiences sow a seed of distrust in absolutely everyone around you. I have a hard time trusting anyone or believing anyone has my back.
Seems like the bar is extremely high for us and the only way to make it out alive is to hollow yourself out into a husk of a human being, one with insane mental fortitude and yet zero connection to love or anything delicate that anyone else is afforded.
i’m determined to see it through the way i want to just like everyone else gets to without scrutiny, and for some reason the world really fucking hates that.
thinking about how in a time of need when i lost my housing no longer had income had to move back in with my abuser and i didn’t have anyone to rely on, that an east asian self proclaimed marxist “friend”(no more) of mine decided to randomly not be friends with me anymore because they thought my “mental health was horrible” (who’s mental isn’t completely fucked rn, if it wasn’t then THAT would be the problem + my mental is definitely better than the average person bc i deprogrammed and unpacked immensely and i deal with it in much healthier ways than most) from the advice of their 99% white peers (whom DONT know me) after they decided to move to one of the most notoriously white bubbled towns in the US. and urged me to “get help and fix it” as if i was some seeping toxic biohazard. i’m my own number one critic but i know they were just putting shit on me that didn’t have to do with me. it’s so easy for people with darker skin to be villanized and become the scape goat not just from white people but other “poc” literally for just existing and still being exceptional compared to literally any cracker. i’m tired of having to be the absolute best and holding myself to the highest standards just to be shown a little fucking love, or at this rate be treated like a human being. it’s funny because i’m genuinely in love with myself and who I am and the journey i’ve been through means everything to me and i’m determined to see it through the way i want to just like everyone else gets to without scrutiny, and for some reason the world really fucking hates that.
Many such cases. I can relate deeply with your experiences and these experiences sow a seed of distrust in absolutely everyone around you. I have a hard time trusting anyone or believing anyone has my back.
Seems like the bar is extremely high for us and the only way to make it out alive is to hollow yourself out into a husk of a human being, one with insane mental fortitude and yet zero connection to love or anything delicate that anyone else is afforded.
Feels bad, Afters…