Canât take being misgendered and harassed. He/himed. People starting arguments over their own intolerance and blaming the arguments on drag. Banned from trans communities on blahaj and then unbanned but the unban didnât federate, so donât know where to post this. In so much pain. Hopes this post wonât lead to more pain. What do you do when nobody will believe youâre hurt, and every time you scream out in pain, youâre accused of having an agenda? What kind of agenda is just not wanting to be harassed anymore? They think theyâre winning when they fill a thread with drama and then complain about all the drama. They think theyâre doing something right? How do you tell people youâre honestly suffering and have them believe you?
self-harm thoughts
Do you just cut your skin open and show it to them? Is that how you convince them that theyâre causing you pain? HOW? How the fuck do you convince them that your pain isnât a trick?
They tell you to block them while they misgender you and tell the whole world youâre the devil. âJust ignore everything Iâm doing to hurt you and youâll be okayâ. It doesnât make any sense but they think itâs right. They could choose to disengage this very minute but they donât. They think harassment and misgendering is a crusade of justice. That hurting people is a moral good, but oh no, donât you dare claim youâre hurt when I hurt you.
How the fuck do you post your tears on lemmy?
Drag has a frustration, even here in this community, with how problems get medicalised. A person is misgendered and harassed, and everyone says âget helpâ, and they clearly mean âsee a doctorâ, as if doctors are the only kind of help that exists. Everyone wants to talk about therapy and counselling.
Itâs⊠gross. If someone is attacked, the problem isnât their reaction. Being a victim of online violence isnât a disease. It doesnât mean something is wrong with the victim. The problem is with the one doing the harassing. But all anyone can talk about is what the victim should do. Not what the attacker should do. Thatâs not right.
Drag told dragâs friends about this thread and they didnât like it any more than drag did.
Recommending medical help is good and does have its place. But drag hates when itâs used as a thought-terminating cliche. âWe told the hurt person to go see a doctor. Welp, thatâs everything that can be done. This conversation is over now. The therapist will magic away all the pain and we can ignore it now.â
My initial comment was directly responding to you asking for help. Since I donât know any better way to help you I went to advice. My intention was share to the basics of what helped me regain some stability in my life, whereas I think I came across as cold/fake. I wasnât trying to minimize or suggest that you are supposed to be âfixedâ, I wanted to make sure I covered all bases for what I thought were impactful when experiencing anxiety/depression/abuse. I mentioned hobbies, friends, social safety net, online or local resources, groups, and professional.
I was working under the assumption that you had no resources because I thought it would be the best way to respond quickly without waiting to ask questions like âdo you have a therapist?â I get that it is annoying to get the similar redundant advice. I didnât read the full comment section because my anxiety started spiking. I am sorry that I contributed to that.
The way I deal with abuse is to harden my shell and make sure to reduce any chances of getting hurt. Avoidance to the max. I sucks to feel hurt, but it is impossible to avoid it all.
My words were sincerely my attempt at advice. What drove me to respond in the first place was reading the spoilered-out intrusive thought. I literally went, âhow am I reading my own intrusive thought from someone else entirely?â
Sorry for stressing you out. Drag didnât mean to imply you were a bad example of that. Drag was pretty triggered after the initial âget helpâ comment. That one wasnât helpful to anyone, while drag thinks thereâs a good chance your comment will be seen by someone who does need to see it. Drag chose to respond to that initial comment broadly and refuse to acknowledge the implied specificity, but drag supposes most people donât take words literally enough to see what drag was doing. All they could see was the subtext that drag was choosing to ignore.
Feels nice to be told you feel the same way about people in online spaces perceiving your pain. Itâs awful. Call someone a troll, and you can pretend their every gasp and sob is manipulation. You donât have to care about the consequences of your actions. Causing pain is good. Fuck that thinking. Itâs one of the reasons why drag doesnât really believe in trolls. Dragâs seen the belief in trolls turn people into monsters. Drag will leave dragâs empathy on, even if it gets drag hurt, because hurting an innocent person is worse.