Apologies in advance for the rant, I just don’t understand how my brain works and I need to get this off my chest a bit In the last couple of years, I have generally only gotten good sleep under two circumstances. When I am severely intoxicated or when I have done a genuinely massive amount of exertion such as a full day of hiking with pack or genuinely backbreaking manual labor.

The first I have cut back on significantly, because I an pretty sure getting blackout drunk that often is not healthy long term.

The second is somewhat more sustainable but not really- I work in a specialized field of construction rn, which requires some physical exertion, though not nearly as much as some of my previous less “skilled” work, which generally payed like shit. So i don’t fully get my energy out the way I used to, especially when I’m spending a significant portion of my work day driving from place to place. That’s not even getting into the time I have off (my schedule often involves many short and intensive jobs which may involve being away from home, followed by significant periods at home not working).

It feels like it drives a wedge between me and my friends and sweethearts when I am still bouncing off the walls when they are all exhausted, when I have difficulty sitting still while watching a movie because my whole body feels like it’s twitching, and when I to get out of bed and run in the middle of the night to help me get to sleep.

It was one thing in my twenties when I was energetic like this, I figured I should just enjoy it while I was young. Now I’m 36 and have a daughter. I feel like I’m crazy.

Again, sorry for the rant, I just needed to get this off my chest a little