Elon Musk buys Reddit, fires Spez, and takes the CEO position himself.

Spez leaves Reddit, very strangely setting you as his successor.

While the salary and benefits seem amazing, when you finally arrive at HQ they bring you to a door in the basement with something written in Chinese on it.

Inside you are met with a room with a single iron chair with restraints.

You are informed that this is the “CEO punishment room” where you will be taken if the majority investors’ instructions are not followed or financial targets aren’t hit. You see dried blood crusted to the drain below the chair.

You are told that they have already picked up all your friends and family for safekeeping - now that you are such an important figure - and that they can’t ensure their safety if you ever give up the role.

It was actually almost miraculous that the higher ups allowed Spez to leave, directing him to select you instead. But those here don’t question orders, they only follow them. As they encourage you to as well.

Finally, they point you to the project roadmap, explaining that it’s now your job to make sure that you both follow the roadmap without exception, but you keep in mind that anything short of their projected financial success will result in extended sessions back in the punishment room.

Next up on the board is to make Reddit moderators pay for the privilege of moderating.

As you leave the room, they wish you good luck.

Granted … he is now CEO of Lemmy.

I wish reddit obsessed dorks would flame spez on reddit instead

Spez leaves Reddit by selling to it Facebook, then uses a loophole in an obscure early-1900s copyright law to take ownership of Lemmy. Your mom is so enthralled by Spez’s ingenuity that he becomes your new dad.

Granted. Stakeholders fire him because they think he doesn’t moderate the platform enough. A new guy is put in his place whose new team insta bans anyone who speaks out of line. What’s the line you can’t cross? Anything that goes against Reddit’s current sponsors and advertisers.

Spez starts a new social media site that federates with Lemmy. A bunch of old Reddit users flock to that new site, making it the most popular fedi instance. It has all the problems of Reddit and more, and it starts to heavily pollute other instances. Spez pays off Lemmy admins who want to defenderate, ruining this place forever.

Granted. Spez leaves Reddit. Elon Musk buys Reddit.

Granted, he becomes President of the United States of America and succeeds at an insurrection that topples the US Govt before he can get voted out, becoming Dictator for life.

Breaking news CEO “Spez” is leaving Reddit to take a new position as chairman of the FCC. “I’m going to make Ajit Pai look like ducking Santa Clause.”

Granted! Spez becomes filthy rich and buys both Google and Apple, and proceeds to turn both iOS and Android into ad filled ‘services’