This describes my dad except for the part where some of the bikes work.

Missed the swing bike and the skatebike.

I don’t know where Dad dug these things up, but he started supplying us with strange and wondrous ways to hurt ourselves on 2 wheels, starting with a home made small penny farthing in 1962, an early banana seater, and a circus trick bike (20" wheels, vertical fork tube, and 1:1 fixed gear).

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I thought it was just "1 current bike + n old bikes ".

I just have an old fixed gear retired police bike and a racer in storage for if I’m ever feeling spicy. Still takes me almost anywhere I’d need to go in town in reasonable time, hell when I lived in a much smaller and flatter town I’d use the racer and would regularly violate the speed limit with it, really pissed off my coworkers to see the bicycle parked outside before any of the cars.

Correct number is n-1, where n is the number that would cause a divorce.

My Pub Bike was my son’s toy scooter. I lived in a very hilly place, so I could just cruise down on the brake, then walk up. Then at the pub I could just fold it up and throw it in a hedge somewhere and then fetch it afterwards.

There were a few scraped hands from falling off while pissed, particularly on tramlines. Also one time I ruined a pair of shoes - it felt weird when I was out dancing, then by the time I got home it had worn all the way through the heel I had used to press the brake down the hill. But overall it was a massive win.

What color is the bike shed though?

This looks like the meth-head’s shed full of stolen bicycles you find in every bad neighbourhood.

I dont see the “stoney tricycle for going to the beach” on here…

My single speed commuter and my touring bike are enough for me. That doesnt mean I dont want more though…

I have 4, could maybe justify a 5th but honestly that would take up too much space in my basement.

This is ridiculous. You don’t need more than 4.