After a lot of deep introspection, I finally realized how much of my life, hobbies and personality, were just pieces I picked up from the ground and stuck to myself. Now that I’m looking inward and seeing who I really am, I am falling apart at the seams because I never truly was me. I broke down last night once I realized that carrying on as a cis male wasn’t the only unknown mask that I was wearing all these years. That I was simply being the person that everyone around me was expecting. Now that I understand this, I can see how much of my life was wasted. I now know who “me” is, top to bottom. And all I want in the world is to be me. The real me. The parts of me that my HRT can’t touch. I want to be pretty. I want to wear colorful clothes. I want to let loose my artistic side. I want to read touching stories and cry and feel good. I don’t want to play video games or just idly sit by as the time wears on anymore. I want to be me.