Interesting read, one thing id like to address is toxic masculinity in relation to term “male socialization” though my own exp and friends. I’d often find myself gravitating to stereotypical toxic masculine behaviors and actions I saw in movies, TV, friends and family in an attempt to blend in and adhear to gender stereotypes. Most of the time when I would do a toxic masc behavior id be met by praise from my male friends and relatives creating a really fucked up feedback loop. Idk if Id say it was solely fear pushing me in that direction like the author describes it, imo it was part of it but definitely multifaceted.
Eventually after a lot of reading and self crit I attempted to socially transition and had to confront a lot of learned behaviors, some of them being almost subconscious displays of toxic masculinity. I was called out by my friends about how X or Z was due to my “male socialization” it always rubbed me the wrong way and I would often dismiss them. It took even more introspection, discussions and reading to identify what they where referring to and more often then not it was toxic masc shit I brought with me after social transition. All of this took years to figure out and come to terms with but I don’t think I truly grasped how fucked all this was until I saw this same behavior again and again in some of our trans peers.
I do agree that the term “male socialization” is used by our critics as a way to dismiss who we are thorough this concept of poisoning the well. I don’t agree the terms “male socialization or energy,” serve only one purpose when used by our friends or family. Personally I see nothing wrong with male/female/non binary/ etc socialization or energy as I try my best to not assign any form of gender as inherently bad or good.
why use the terms “male socialization” or “male energy” (second one seems extremely invalidating, too) when you can just say “leftovers of ingrained toxic masculinity” or “toxic masculinity” and have it be more specific
Yeah, that’s a big part of this that terfs have completely refused to acknowledge for several decades now: Gender is performative. As in, you have to actively uphold it through your behavior and you subconsciously do that because you want to be seen in a certain way. Toxic masculinity is maintained by the feedback loops you’re describing, men keep acting that way because they want to be seen as men by others and transfem eggs keep acting that way because they’ve been led to believe they want to be seen that way by others. For the eggs, this has one big advantage that makes it a lot easier than for men to stop engaging in toxic masculinity: At some point during our cracking, we realize that we do not want to be seen as men anymore, that in fact this is something we want to avoid at all costs. And that just pulls the rug from under these behaviors in a way that is not accessible to men. A dude that wants to stop engaging in toxic masculinity not only has to create a non-toxic understanding of a male gender role, he also has to find ways to make others perceive himself as a man when he acts that way. We don’t.
Interesting read, one thing id like to address is toxic masculinity in relation to term “male socialization” though my own exp and friends. I’d often find myself gravitating to stereotypical toxic masculine behaviors and actions I saw in movies, TV, friends and family in an attempt to blend in and adhear to gender stereotypes. Most of the time when I would do a toxic masc behavior id be met by praise from my male friends and relatives creating a really fucked up feedback loop. Idk if Id say it was solely fear pushing me in that direction like the author describes it, imo it was part of it but definitely multifaceted.
Eventually after a lot of reading and self crit I attempted to socially transition and had to confront a lot of learned behaviors, some of them being almost subconscious displays of toxic masculinity. I was called out by my friends about how X or Z was due to my “male socialization” it always rubbed me the wrong way and I would often dismiss them. It took even more introspection, discussions and reading to identify what they where referring to and more often then not it was toxic masc shit I brought with me after social transition. All of this took years to figure out and come to terms with but I don’t think I truly grasped how fucked all this was until I saw this same behavior again and again in some of our trans peers.
I do agree that the term “male socialization” is used by our critics as a way to dismiss who we are thorough this concept of poisoning the well. I don’t agree the terms “male socialization or energy,” serve only one purpose when used by our friends or family. Personally I see nothing wrong with male/female/non binary/ etc socialization or energy as I try my best to not assign any form of gender as inherently bad or good.
why use the terms “male socialization” or “male energy” (second one seems extremely invalidating, too) when you can just say “leftovers of ingrained toxic masculinity” or “toxic masculinity” and have it be more specific
Why did I use them? As a direct quote of friends and family and to directly quote the article.
No, i mean in general. Why would you use it in everyday conversation? I understand using it here, because it’s… the subject of the post
I don’t use either term in everyday conversations. In general, I am more forgiving with my friends and family’s terms or lack of understanding.
Yeah, that’s a big part of this that terfs have completely refused to acknowledge for several decades now: Gender is performative. As in, you have to actively uphold it through your behavior and you subconsciously do that because you want to be seen in a certain way. Toxic masculinity is maintained by the feedback loops you’re describing, men keep acting that way because they want to be seen as men by others and transfem eggs keep acting that way because they’ve been led to believe they want to be seen that way by others. For the eggs, this has one big advantage that makes it a lot easier than for men to stop engaging in toxic masculinity: At some point during our cracking, we realize that we do not want to be seen as men anymore, that in fact this is something we want to avoid at all costs. And that just pulls the rug from under these behaviors in a way that is not accessible to men. A dude that wants to stop engaging in toxic masculinity not only has to create a non-toxic understanding of a male gender role, he also has to find ways to make others perceive himself as a man when he acts that way. We don’t.