TW: bottom dysphoria

I’m a trans woman and I’m having a lot of questions about my sex drive and I’ve been feeling very “broken” lately. I’m gonna explain what I mean below.

I’ve been on hrt a year and I’ve been on progesterone ~4 months now. I’ve been with my wife now for 5 years.

We didn’t have any issues with sex drive before hrt but when I was about 6 months into hrt my drive shriveled up completely. I then started progesterone and now I’ve got this flame burning inside of me. It takes very little to ignite and can be almost uncomfortable if it goes for too long.

But then when it comes to doing stuff it takes almost nothing to completely take me out of it and send me down a spiral. It could be a glimpse of my junk from the wrong angle, it’s slightly too cold, a weird moment where I felt gross, etc and it will just fully, completely take me out of it. Like the flame just instantly gets snuffed out. Sometimes I continue going to try and relight it but then the pressure of performing just makes everything worse.

Even when she tops it’s a problem, I’ll have a bad gut moment and just get upset about how much easier everything would be if I were born a cis woman or if I get bottom surgery.

Is this something other trans women deal with? My wife doesn’t put pressure on me in any kind of way, I just put it on myself and I don’t know what to do. After the most recent issue with this I just felt “broken” and I’m losing hope that I’ll ever truly enjoy sex again and that terrifies me.