TW: bottom dysphoria

I’m a trans woman and I’m having a lot of questions about my sex drive and I’ve been feeling very “broken” lately. I’m gonna explain what I mean below.

I’ve been on hrt a year and I’ve been on progesterone ~4 months now. I’ve been with my wife now for 5 years.

We didn’t have any issues with sex drive before hrt but when I was about 6 months into hrt my drive shriveled up completely. I then started progesterone and now I’ve got this flame burning inside of me. It takes very little to ignite and can be almost uncomfortable if it goes for too long.

But then when it comes to doing stuff it takes almost nothing to completely take me out of it and send me down a spiral. It could be a glimpse of my junk from the wrong angle, it’s slightly too cold, a weird moment where I felt gross, etc and it will just fully, completely take me out of it. Like the flame just instantly gets snuffed out. Sometimes I continue going to try and relight it but then the pressure of performing just makes everything worse.

Even when she tops it’s a problem, I’ll have a bad gut moment and just get upset about how much easier everything would be if I were born a cis woman or if I get bottom surgery.

Is this something other trans women deal with? My wife doesn’t put pressure on me in any kind of way, I just put it on myself and I don’t know what to do. After the most recent issue with this I just felt “broken” and I’m losing hope that I’ll ever truly enjoy sex again and that terrifies me.

  • SnowySkyes [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    6 months ago

    That is indeed a thing that happens with progesterone. It took my sex drive and dialed it to 11. Not entirely unwelcome, but definitely troublesome at times for the same reason you mention. I don’t use my dick anymore for that very reason. Anytime I tried, it would immediately send me spiraling into dysphoria, so I stopped trying. This did create a very awkward situation where my partners have zero idea on how to properly pleasure me now, but they are receptive to my input when given (or just don’t bother, but another story).

    When it boils down to it, you should probably sit down and communicate with your spouse. Let her know how you feel on the matter. Let her know what’s going on and explain how all these changes are affecting you. This is important as well simply because they may not understand how badly it is affecting your psyche and may not truly understand how your changes are affecting sexual matters. At the end of the day, nothing beats communication when it comes to your relationship with your spouse.

    • FemboyStalin [she/her,any]@hexbear.netOP
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      6 months ago

      We have sat down and had this talk. That was and is happening. She just feels like she’s letting me down, I feel like I’m letting her down, but we both are trying.

      And thank you, its really comforting to know even though it’s a “me problem” its not a problem with me. Just gotta figure out stuff again.

      • SnowySkyes [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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        6 months ago

        Trust me, it’s extremely difficult figuring things out again. I’m 17, almost 18 months into HRT and I still haven’t really figured it out. It’s not easy and it’s definitely an awkward time a lot of girls seem to have to go through. Just remember you’re not alone and you can make it through this.

          • SnowySkyes [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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            6 months ago

            I’m right there in that same boat with you, so I understand fully. I’m in my mid thirties. For me though, I don’t think I ever actually understood my body. I had a lot of trouble with sex prior to transitioning, so the troubles I have now are just a lot more forward. So it’s not affecting me nearly as much as it is you.

            That’s the funny thing though, isn’t it? We think we understand ourselves all these years, but then something happens and we’re just thrown for a loop. We come to even more self discovery and our entire perspective is put on its head. Though this might not be as earthshattering as your egg cracking, it still is a large hurdle that needs crossed. At the end of the day, try approaching your problem from a different angle. Instead of penetrative sex, try something different. For me, personally, I’ve moved on to just helping my partner. I don’t use my dick. I don’t reference it. I simply focus on pleasuring them and ensuring they have a good time. Do I miss out? Sure, most times, but that’s fine for me. Though I do occasionally have orgasms from just pleasuring her, which is wild to me.

  • ElRenosaurusReg [fae/faer, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    I have similar issues with bottom dysphoria, or rather did for a while lately it’s been better.

    I recommend things like grinding and focusing primarily on outer course, keep your panties on, you don’t need to be naked to have sex.

    If you’re curious and want to DM me you’re more than welcome, can’t guarantee you’ll hear back right away but I certainly have lots of advice that isn’t necessarily appropriate for an open forum.

  • Cromalin [she/her]@hexbear.netM
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    6 months ago

    yeah i feel this sometimes. progesterone absolutely lights up the sex drive, and that can cause problems. my gf is also on prog so that means we’re basically on the same page, which makes things easier for us, but what you’re dealing with all sounds totally normal