The reaction of the other players at the table while the scene plays out is telling. It appears that no one expected this storyline to go where it went.
Yet, nobody said “I don’t like where this is going.”
To be clear: I don’t blame them for not saying it. Probably, I probably would have been quiet in that situation too. I believe that safety/communication tools are usually not necessary but in rare cases they are. Thus, it is a good practice in general and worth some overhead.
As someone who is on board with people using communication tools:
Do you think people who would not say “I don’t like where this is going” would be willing to tap the traffic lights? It’s basically still you saying “I don’t like where this is going”, still in full view of everyone. I’m honestly not sure how the communication tools help with speaking up, besides providing a few predefined options for you (“yellow light means this, red means this”) instead of you having to find the words to explain how uncomfortable you are and what you want the solution to be. I’m not trying to tear them down, I’m just honestly curious.
Might as well out myself and say I’ve never personally needed to use these. But I don’t have to fully comprehend them to support other people doing what makes things healthier and easier for themselves, hence my not understanding while still supporting people using it.
providing a few predefined options for you […] instead of you having to find the words to explain how uncomfortable you are and what you want the solution to be.
i’m speaking from my experience with script change. it’s a low-friction, consistent way for anyone at the table to communicate both how they’re feeling and an explicit, specific resolution/action that is known to all players with the agreement that no one *needs* to get into details or explain themself. if something shockingly uncomfortable happens, it’s much easier to reflexively lift/tap a card, or type 2 – 3 characters in the chat, than it is to abrasively yell ‘stop!’ and then try to discuss it over.
i’ve seen cases where someone yelling to stop was interpreted to be IC. or that they were just ‘caught up in the moment’. (this is the reason for safewords; the cards are known to be meta/OOC.) or they didn’t completely know where a scene was going, but they had a suspicion, but they didn’t want to disappoint the group, and player safety wasn’t a part of the pregame discussion so they didn’t know how to express their discomfort and froze. the misunderstanding always only lasted some seconds, but it always lasted a few seconds too long for the person in discomfort. if it needs a discussion: ‘pause’ and take five to talk with the GM or another player privately.
in every group where player safety is discussed and safety tools are used: i’ve never seen a scene get far enough to make someone uncomfortable, and it rarely impacts the flow of the game.
Hey, thank you for explaining! I totally missed the safeword-like utility. And as someone whose primary discomfort that might arise in a TTRPG would be solved instantly by closing my eyes (can’t do gory pictures, detailed descriptions are fine though) I didn’t even think of the speed-to-a-solution aspect. Appreciate you taking the time to help.
[…] and player safety wasn’t a part of the pregame discussion
I think you hit the nail in the head here. The pregame safety discussion is the key part. That’s what primes everyone to engage without judgement when they feel uncomfortable.
And all the safety tools seem to focus too much on how this is achieved, when the focus should be in the prep. What does a traffic light card achieves that lines and veils can’t do better? A GM can easily miss a tap on a card when they are trying to improv on the spot while moving the narrative forward. It’s much harder to miss a verbal request.
Their physical presence makes it clear that the group is taking everyone’s limits seriously. Compare “Just say stop if you don’t like something” to “Everyone has a button. I care about everyone and want everyone to feel comfortable. Press the button if you’re uncomfortable.” The phyiscal aspect makes it extremely clear that the group has gone out of their way to make it a priority. It’s hard to speak up for yourself. It can be awkward. Knowing that the group took it seriously enough to get physical objects for it will help people understand they’re more welcome to stop things.
Pushing a button or tapping something can be a lot easier than saying something. A lot of people can get nonverbal when they’re uncomfortable.
So another way for people to say “I don’t like where this is going?” What’s wrong with saying “I don’t like where this is going?”
Nothing is wrong with just saying it. In practice, it sometimes doesn’t work out though.
For a very public drastic example, look at the Far Verona rape:
Yet, nobody said “I don’t like where this is going.”
To be clear: I don’t blame them for not saying it. Probably, I probably would have been quiet in that situation too. I believe that safety/communication tools are usually not necessary but in rare cases they are. Thus, it is a good practice in general and worth some overhead.
As someone who is on board with people using communication tools:
Do you think people who would not say “I don’t like where this is going” would be willing to tap the traffic lights? It’s basically still you saying “I don’t like where this is going”, still in full view of everyone. I’m honestly not sure how the communication tools help with speaking up, besides providing a few predefined options for you (“yellow light means this, red means this”) instead of you having to find the words to explain how uncomfortable you are and what you want the solution to be. I’m not trying to tear them down, I’m just honestly curious.
Might as well out myself and say I’ve never personally needed to use these. But I don’t have to fully comprehend them to support other people doing what makes things healthier and easier for themselves, hence my not understanding while still supporting people using it.
it’s like you wrote:
i’m speaking from my experience with script change. it’s a low-friction, consistent way for anyone at the table to communicate both how they’re feeling and an explicit, specific resolution/action that is known to all players with the agreement that no one *needs* to get into details or explain themself. if something shockingly uncomfortable happens, it’s much easier to reflexively lift/tap a card, or type 2 – 3 characters in the chat, than it is to abrasively yell ‘stop!’ and then try to discuss it over.
i’ve seen cases where someone yelling to stop was interpreted to be IC. or that they were just ‘caught up in the moment’. (this is the reason for safewords; the cards are known to be meta/OOC.) or they didn’t completely know where a scene was going, but they had a suspicion, but they didn’t want to disappoint the group, and player safety wasn’t a part of the pregame discussion so they didn’t know how to express their discomfort and froze. the misunderstanding always only lasted some seconds, but it always lasted a few seconds too long for the person in discomfort. if it needs a discussion: ‘pause’ and take five to talk with the GM or another player privately.
in every group where player safety is discussed and safety tools are used: i’ve never seen a scene get far enough to make someone uncomfortable, and it rarely impacts the flow of the game.
Hey, thank you for explaining! I totally missed the safeword-like utility. And as someone whose primary discomfort that might arise in a TTRPG would be solved instantly by closing my eyes (can’t do gory pictures, detailed descriptions are fine though) I didn’t even think of the speed-to-a-solution aspect. Appreciate you taking the time to help.
I think you hit the nail in the head here. The pregame safety discussion is the key part. That’s what primes everyone to engage without judgement when they feel uncomfortable.
And all the safety tools seem to focus too much on how this is achieved, when the focus should be in the prep. What does a traffic light card achieves that lines and veils can’t do better? A GM can easily miss a tap on a card when they are trying to improv on the spot while moving the narrative forward. It’s much harder to miss a verbal request.
I think that it serves two purposes: