I am low on money these days and my life is hell for it. I have to do with substandard everything in my life I recently had an incident where an elderly woman asked me for money while roaming the street with her family begging for money. I had no money to spare, but had I had any, I wouldn’t have given a penny to her (Life is tough, I can’t give away money I didn’t earn)
But, she later said something which melted my heart, “Majboori hai beta!” (Hindi) “We don’t want to do this, but we have to do it son” (now add some emotional value to it), I didn’t know what to do, I was on my cycle and I could feel their eyes on me as I passed them and I just peddled faster with teary eyes.
I didn’t know how to deal with that. i.e., I don’t have enough money for medical necessities or to improve the standard of living of my own life, but I was being asked to spare change by a poor family that was demonstrably in a worse spot than me.
I was always taught that if you give beggars money, they will spend it all on alcohol (not blaming them), and given the number of beggars who have come to be smelling like alcohol and death with wobbly balance, it has been a rule not to provide them with money. Also, let’s not forget, if you’re really poor (homeless and have nothing to lose) and you are really desperate, you are often dangerous i.e., not someone around whom your kids can roam, again, not blaming them. But… I don’t know what is right or wrong in this situation!
How do you deal with external problems you can’t solve around you? What is the moral thing to do here?
edit: This kinda reminds of a story about Jesus where a prince once came to him and told him that he isn’t at peace with himself no matter what he does, and Jesus told him that to get peace he must give away everything to the poor and follow Jesus around and the prince refused (something along those lines).
I know what the most moral thing might be in this case, but even if you tell me that I should give money to those who live in abject poverty, I probably won’t do it as often as I should.
Just treat them like a human being instead of like a streetlamp or something. Speak to them. Ask them how they’re doing (I know the answer is probably “shit” but still, let them talk about it if they want to). I know it’s tempting to just ignore them because saying you don’t want to or can’t give them money is awkward, but imagine being in that situation, how humiliating it must be to sit on the floor, literally beneath everyone, grovelling to strangers. Show them the same humanity you’d expect to be shown if it were you on the floor. Even “sorry, but no” is better than being ignored. Maybe chat to them about their day or something if you can’t or don’t want to give money. Help look up the location of a local soup kitchen or shelter or something if they don’t have a phone. If they’re recently homeless you may be able to give them legal advice in terms of getting a roof back over their heads (I say “recently” bc in some places an eviction notice can be used to access social housing, if the eviction was ages ago they might not have the relevant documentation anymore).
And also frankly, when I do give money to homeless people, I don’t care if they spend it on drugs. If I’m giving someone money I’m giving them money. It’s their money now. I wouldn’t tell you how to spend your money, and I wouldn’t tell a homeless person how to spend their money. If they ask for help to overcome their addiction I’d do my best to signpost them, but I’m not going to force them if they don’t want it. If what they want is drugs then they’re going to get that one way or another, if not with money people gave them out of charity then through stealing or something else.
I mean, it sounds nice on paper, but at least in the West a non-trivial percentage are so mentally ill average Joe can’t really be their friend effectively. Using judgement is recommended.
How many homeless people have you spoken to? Of course everybody is different so treating someone like a person may look different depending on their circumstances, but the principle still applies, including towards homeless people with severe mental illnesses.
And also that’s just not my experience tbh. Both from speaking to homeless people on the streets, and also when I was in prison I met a lot of the typical types of people who would end up street homeless, including people who were street homeless prior to being incarcerated and people who were street homeless and mentally ill, and they’re still people. I managed to form good friendships with a lot of them. I don’t know, possibly you have genuinely tried to interact with homeless people and you’ve hit a brick wall, but in my own experience that’s just an assumption or first impression people have and not the reality if you just try talking to them for a few mins.
Hmm, where I live it’s more frequently people living in decrepit buildings than properly homeless. The one guy that actually wanders around just doesn’t talk. I heard him say “yup” once, in a situation where he was pretty much forced to. I’ve had less than positive experiences with rough-looking people. Other times it’s been fine.
This is me regurgitating what I’ve heard from actual professionals.
Care to explain what you mean by “actual professionals”?
People like you, shrinks. Do you disagree?
I’m not a shrink lol I’m a case manager.
I disagree with the idea that so many homeless are so mentally ill that conversing with them isn’t worth it. It should take the most minimal ability to read human behavior to see when someone is having a hard time and you shouldn’t engage but there are many who don’t experience persistent psychosis who you can talk to, or at least give a nod and hello.
Yes, to be clear that was a list. I’ve heard both chime in, online at least. In real life I think the only relevant conversation was about what a therapy session looks like when your client is homeless.
I didn’t mean ignore them - they’re still humans, OP is right about that. I said use judgement. I can totally see a younger version of myself Kool-Aid man-ing into a random homeless person’s life and expecting I can be their best buddy.
When I encounter them now, I treat them like every other stranger. I think I’m doing the right thing.
Lolllll Kool-Aid man! That’s fair, I’m so used to people automatically dehumanizing homeless people (thanks reddit) that I’m ready to throw hands when the conversation comes up lol. I appreciate you being rational