• PrettyBlackDress@lemdit.comOPM
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        1 year ago

        Took out the egg burrito she got from Tacos De La Sol De Mexico and bit into it violently. Then before she knew it…

        • ricochet@lemdit.com
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          1 year ago

          the most disturbing gurgling noise started emerging from the depths of her bowels. She turned to me and…

          • Gnubyte@lemdit.com
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            1 year ago

            Breathed out a blast of dentine ice into my face. I was shocked since I thought it would smell like Tacos. That’s when she winked at me and reached into her back pocket and pulled out…

            • ricochet@lemdit.com
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              1 year ago

              a receipt for a live capybara. She hugged me and told me we’re about to become the proud parents of a giant rodent, due to be delivered to our front door any moment now. Naturally I…

              • PrettyBlackDress@lemdit.comOPM
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                1 year ago

                Am calm in situations like these. But given the untimeliness of it all I screamed “MOM” at the top of my lungs before I fainted on the front lawn. Once I woke up, I called my father and asked for his advice. He told me…

                • ricochet@lemdit.com
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                  1 year ago

                  “Son, there comes a time in a man’s life when he must settle down and start a family. You love your children unconditionally, and bring them up right irrespective of how obnoxious they are - it’s what I did.”. This gave me pause for thought. After I hung up, I decided that…

                  • PrettyBlackDress@lemdit.comOPM
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                    1 year ago

                    It was time to man up and prepare to be a good father. I went to Walmart and bought a shit ton of baby clothes and barbecue sauce. When I got home, I latherd the barbecue sauce on the baby clothes and then…