i was in a similar spot lil over a year ago and posted here about it actually, asking folks where the line was between agender and “cis but really indifferent to gender,” and some comrades helpfully suggested that when you’re in this kind of murky ambiguous zone the line is basically wherever you feel like it. there’s a degree of arbitrariness to it (not in a dismissive way, but in a freeing way). there are amab masc people who are way more outwardly gender nonconforming than i am who might be totally comfortable saying “yeah i’m a man, men can be like this, the concept of ‘man’ doesn’t have to conform to your conventional sensibilities ” and that’s what’s truest and most freeing for them and that is totally fucking cool as well.

that said i settled on “agender spectrum” and it feels right, though in casual conversation i might just say masc-presenting-enby or simply nonbinary and drill deeper if the convo goes there. if you wanna get really really micro label about it, i’m probably what you’d call “demi agender and demi man” but i personally don’t like getting that granular, so agender spectrum is a good shorthand. i’ve always been indifferent toward/wary of Masculinity As Such and presented kinda androgynous and boyish. i also feel like my striving to be a more openly emotional and loving person has been freed a bit by ditching the Man label. i’m a big softie and i’ve been embracing that side of myself more, and i like getting fruity and affectionate and expressive with my close friends in a way that rejects my maleness. and a lot of days, i don’t really “feel gender” and just feel like Me, or feel like A Being.

on the other hand, there are still niche conceptions of masculinity that resonate with me and aspects of my natural personality that are more Male Coded that i like. i have a fairly deep voice that i find pleasant and which can sound kinda commanding/authoritative in certain contexts, i can be kind of loud and outspoken/socially confident in a way that i like, and i’m a bit puckish/playful/rascally in a lot of respects (which is more associated with a sort of boyishness and leans toward a certain flavor of masculinity). and on a physical level, i prefer my face with some five o’clock shadow/scruff vs clean shaven.

so yeah idk just wanted to share my own journey to see if any of it resonates. my loose advice would be to not worry about it too much and just kinda vibe it out. good on you wherever you land though, examining gender intentionally is Extremely Based and should be more encouraged as the norm, even if someone ultimately decides cis is what works for them.