• pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        3·
        14 hours ago

        That is one of the reasons I haven’t killed myself yet

        • It would make people I hate happy
        • It would hurt my parents and sister
        • I’m too much of a lazy piece of shit to set up a will to leave money to friends who need it
        • It’s way too many notes to write
        • Doing it painlessly and panic-lessly requires work and setup that I’m too much of a lazy piece of shit to do
        • Zoop@beehaw.org
          2·
          13 hours ago

          I feel you there on most of that. (Except for the money thing, I’m disabled, chronically ill, unable to work, and can’t get a shred of monetary support from the shit government, so I’m hilariously broke and have literally zero money lmao)

          Another reason for me, that you may also care about and want to add to your list, is that no matter what method I use or how I go about it, someone will have to find a body (or remnants of one) and will likely be traumatized… I just can’t bring myself to do that to someone. I wouldn’t be able to make it to where only someone who deserves the worst would find it.

          I mostly just wish I could make it to where I never was born or existed in the first place, ya know?

          Idk, it probably doesn’t really help to know that you’re not the only one feeling this way, but I thought I’d say something just in case. If I’m gonna be forced to exist, I wanna try to help people however I can when I’m able and have the energy and my useless, broken brain and body let me and everything.

          You’re not alone and I’m so fucking sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m sorry you’ve gotta live and exist when you don’t want to. I know how much it sucks. It’s miserable and I’m sorry. I hope things improve for you somehow very soon. Internet hugs to you, if you want them. 🫂