I get this a lot from friends and acquaintances: “ButtBidet, how do you do it? How do you have money put away yet still have a bit of free time”. I don’t normally like to share all my tricks, because if everyone did it, businesses would catch on and it would stop being so successful. You all are like family, tho. I think it’s fair that I share it with you.
Here are a few tricks I found to save some money and time. 🤫 don’t tell everyone, just people you know and trust. 😉
- Before buying anything, scour the Internet for deals. - I can’t get over how often I was gonna buy something on Amazon, only to find it half the price on Aliexpress or Ubuy. Give it a Google search before hitting “purchase”.
- Call up and haggle with your insurance company - Tell them that you found a better deal. Many customer service representatives are empowered to give discounts of 10-20% to keep a client.
- Cancel unused subscriptions - I can over how much people pay for Spotify or Netflix. If you’re not watching it, cancel it. That $20 a month really adds up.
- Travel at off peak times - Did you know that flights on Tuesday are so much cheaper than on Saturday? Leaving the house at 8am on a Sunday uses so much less petrol than leaving at 1pm. Plan ahead with your trips, and you can save so much.
- Have a cleaner come once a week to do a deep clean - Getting under sofas, in ovens, or under sinks is really tiring and time consuming. Get some outside help, and enjoy the extra time.
- Order door dash instead of cooking - Shopping, preparing, cooking, and cleaning are really time consuming. Order food from your favourite restaurant, and enjoy high quality food without the effort.
- Rent out the home your parents’ bought for you - $3000 a month for rent doesn’t sound like much, but times 12 months and you’ve got $36k, more than a lot of people make in a YEAR! It’ll be hard, but you’ll thank yourself for the savings.
- Manage your employees to work off the clock - Labour costs are expensive, save where you can. One way to get your workers to work for free is to give them an unreasonable quota, something they definitely won’t finish in 8 hours. If they stay an extra two hours past their shift to finish, that’s money in the bank for you!
- Use political connections to get government contracts - Those politicians aren’t doing anything. Call them up and get them to work for you! There’s a lot done by government employees that you can easily have done by your workers who make much less. Make up a story about “efficiency” and have your dad’s newspaper repeat it over and over.
- Start wars to destroy redundant production and increase the size of your markets - If you’re finding that profits are flat, sales are down, and there’s no new customers coming your way, go for war. Most people in your settler country are pretty racist already, it’s not hard to stoke hatred for a non-white country far away. Occupation armies are guaranteed customers, as well as the new shops you’ll able to open up (because your competition is obliterated)
Had me in the first half, ngl. For point one slickdeals has a lot of coupons, don’t wander too deep into the forums, there’s some serious boomboom
.I somehow made it to 7 while planning out a progressively more annoyed reply to this, well done lol
lol I’m so sorry. I had a mean laugh with myself when typing it all out.
exquisite craftsmanship here
My secret is to be a white male with generational wealth behind me. I don’t know why more people don’t do that tbh
How simple!
Since i know buttbidet is cool i kept calmly reading the horeshit, waiting for the joke. Slow, patient ramp-up, great delivery on upping the ante once the bit was obvious, just perfect
Good Post
They said it was too expensive and time consuming but after installing the x-ray machine at the entrance to my mine I’ve paid for it twice over by recovering diamonds the workers swallowed in order to smuggle them home.
Everyone always concentrates on getting profits. When really they should be looking at cutting losses. Work smarter, not harder.
I bet you heard complaints from strangers about “electricity costs” or “health costs”. I’m sure those were barely a bother for you after all profits and costs were calculated.
Let’s face it, you gotta spend money to earn money. It’s just business 101.
*insert r/wallstreetbets emoji
Cancel unused subscriptions - I can over how much people pay for Spotify or Netflix. If you’re not watching it, cancel it. That $20 a month really adds up.
https://privacy.com/ helps with this
edit: ok I read the rest now, but canceling subscriptions is actually not satire!
Better yet, just don’t have them in the first place
Commendatore ButtBidet, how do I pass a job interview?
You just walk into the interview room, look the boss straight in the eyes with confidence and poise. And then say “daddy, if you don’t hire me, I’m telling mum.” Believe in yourself, you can do it.
Have a cleaner come once a week to do a deep clean - Getting under sofas, in ovens, or under sinks is really tiring and time consuming. Get some outside help, and enjoy the extra time.
This is a really good tip! If your cleaner finds any loose change down the back of the sofa, then that’s money in your pocket! The cleaner can keep some too, of course, as a reward. Say, a couple hundred dollars or so as a thank you
Gosh, I forgot tip #11
- Search your labourers carefully at the end of every shift - Those who are less successful than you are jealous of your ability to save and earn. Before they leave, go through their bags and pockets. Keep everything that an unsuccessful person shouldn’t own, like a decent mobile phone or a watch.
In my line of work, my employees work in their underwear and a gas mask.
Save money, tell the proles that masks are banned to prevent crime.
I’ve always found that taking the odd senator or head of a regulatory body for a trip on your yacht really helps the inspections go smoothly. Never had a problem.
(But then of course I wouldn’t, I have “no” health and safety violations 😉 )
good bit
I’d get massive anxiety if I had a subscription to something and wasn’t using it to an unhealthy degree.
it physically hurts
