I still donāt get why people have such an issue calling people what they want to be called.
You donāt balk at a guy or a girl named Robin, or Alex, or any of a hundred different androgynous namesā¦
But you take issue with āheā, āsheā, and āthemā?
Why?
My only problem, and to be clear this is entirely my problem, nobody elseās, is that Iām so dumb, I frequently forget and call someone he/she when they prefer they/them. I fuck it up sometimes. I try, but decades of societal norms are getting in the way of me getting it right sometimes.
To every person who identifies as they/them please forgive me because Iām going to screw it up. Just correct me when I say it and hopefully in time my brain will stop making this mistake.
I still donāt get why people have such an issue calling people what they want to be called.
Why?
Normally Iām the type to wax philosophical for a few paragraphs about what the heck may be going on in their heads, but honestly I think itās assholes being proud to be assholes. Punching down just feels so good. That and people who are suffering enough that they donāt care about others, but donāt realize they need to work on their mental health. Or theyāve been conditioned to see doing that as a character flaw or weakness. And of course the snowball effect of those people raising the next generation of assholes, building up some inertia behind the generational trauma.
Because underlying it all, regardless of which impactful arguments they think they are making or refuting, they just donāt want to be nice to people that are different.
Fair enough. I honestly just think they canāt see the forest because of all the trees in the way.
Theyāll cry foul on someone insisting on being called by they/them pronouns, arguing that itās an incorrect usage of they/them, or whatever the argument of the week is, then immediately use they/them pronouns for an individual in a different context without batting an eye, or even realizing what theyāve done.
By being offended I donāt start calling them by their pronouns right away my brain immediately goes into defense mode and refuses to acknowledge whatever the fuck they identify as.
Fairly certain most donāt get offended at genuine mistakes. Itās doubling down that usually upsets people, and if youāre the type to immediately go āwell fuck youā, I suspect that may be the case with you.
Remember that itās the loud ones we hear most. If a hundred people just say nothing to avoid awkwardness, a dozen correct you politely and a single one kicks up a fuss, itās the fuss you will remember.
Itās also easy to take corrections way more personally than theyāre intended. Someone saying āItās they, actuallyā isnāt an expression of offense, even if it can feel bad to be corrected (because it feels bad to be āwrongā). Compare it to bumping into someone you didnt see, who then goes āwatch outā to point out thereās someone in the way ā theyāre not necessarily upset, just informing you.
And finally, sometimes people are just irritable for whatever reason. They might not usually get offended, but for whatever reason will lash out that one time. To take the analogy of bumping into someone, perhaps their shoulder was already sore.
There certainly are some that do get offended. Some are so upset with the norms people grow up with they end up lashing out at those people instead. Some genuinely lack any understanding or patience for the other side of the issue. Some are just plain entitled. Some are looking for things to be upset at. Assholes exist in just about any sufficiently large grouping of people.
But for most Iāve known, itās really just about mutual respect, and often thereās a base assumption of respect too. We all know how hard it can be to untrain a habit, and most people donāt want unpleasantness. Donāt let the exceptions get to you.
I still donāt get why people have such an issue calling people what they want to be called.
You donāt balk at a guy or a girl named Robin, or Alex, or any of a hundred different androgynous namesā¦
But you take issue with āheā, āsheā, and āthemā?
Why?
My only problem, and to be clear this is entirely my problem, nobody elseās, is that Iām so dumb, I frequently forget and call someone he/she when they prefer they/them. I fuck it up sometimes. I try, but decades of societal norms are getting in the way of me getting it right sometimes.
To every person who identifies as they/them please forgive me because Iām going to screw it up. Just correct me when I say it and hopefully in time my brain will stop making this mistake.
Because a bunch of bad faith actors have been carefully building an outrage-generating cash machine on the idea of āculture warsā for decades.
Culture war, race war, nationalism warsā¦
As long as itās not a class war, theyāre okay with it.
Normally Iām the type to wax philosophical for a few paragraphs about what the heck may be going on in their heads, but honestly I think itās assholes being proud to be assholes. Punching down just feels so good. That and people who are suffering enough that they donāt care about others, but donāt realize they need to work on their mental health. Or theyāve been conditioned to see doing that as a character flaw or weakness. And of course the snowball effect of those people raising the next generation of assholes, building up some inertia behind the generational trauma.
Because underlying it all, regardless of which impactful arguments they think they are making or refuting, they just donāt want to be nice to people that are different.
Fair enough. I honestly just think they canāt see the forest because of all the trees in the way.
Theyāll cry foul on someone insisting on being called by they/them pronouns, arguing that itās an incorrect usage of they/them, or whatever the argument of the week is, then immediately use they/them pronouns for an individual in a different context without batting an eye, or even realizing what theyāve done.
Ignorance and hypocrisy.
By being offended I donāt start calling them by their pronouns right away my brain immediately goes into defense mode and refuses to acknowledge whatever the fuck they identify as.
Fairly certain most donāt get offended at genuine mistakes. Itās doubling down that usually upsets people, and if youāre the type to immediately go āwell fuck youā, I suspect that may be the case with you.
Thank you. Iām elated to hear that most donāt get offended at genuine mistakes.
Thatās all I really needed.
Remember that itās the loud ones we hear most. If a hundred people just say nothing to avoid awkwardness, a dozen correct you politely and a single one kicks up a fuss, itās the fuss you will remember.
Itās also easy to take corrections way more personally than theyāre intended. Someone saying āItās they, actuallyā isnāt an expression of offense, even if it can feel bad to be corrected (because it feels bad to be āwrongā). Compare it to bumping into someone you didnt see, who then goes āwatch outā to point out thereās someone in the way ā theyāre not necessarily upset, just informing you.
And finally, sometimes people are just irritable for whatever reason. They might not usually get offended, but for whatever reason will lash out that one time. To take the analogy of bumping into someone, perhaps their shoulder was already sore.
There certainly are some that do get offended. Some are so upset with the norms people grow up with they end up lashing out at those people instead. Some genuinely lack any understanding or patience for the other side of the issue. Some are just plain entitled. Some are looking for things to be upset at. Assholes exist in just about any sufficiently large grouping of people.
But for most Iāve known, itās really just about mutual respect, and often thereās a base assumption of respect too. We all know how hard it can be to untrain a habit, and most people donāt want unpleasantness. Donāt let the exceptions get to you.