Important to note: I have OCD, and I seem to have this obsession with the idea of me being transphobic. I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I have known this for years, and I try my best to support everyone. I have a lot of trans friends, I love them a lot, and treat them and see them as I would anyone else.

So, I feel like I’m transphobic. Is there any evidence of this? No. I’ve been a vocal supporter about LGBTQ+ rights for years (online), including trans rights, but I’ve recently become increasingly anxious at the thought of me being transphobic.

This likely stems from my questioning of my own gender, often times I feel that I am not quite male, maybe that I’m nonbinary or genderfluid. I mentioned this to my nonbinary friend, and they said “you don’t seem nonbinary”. This sent me spiraling, questioning my own gender and identity, and questioning if I was transphobic for believing that I was nonbinary (or possibly genderfluid, as at times I feel very comfortable being male, but at others I feel a lot more feminine).

At some point, I have to accept the fact that this is delusion, but I still really feel like I need guidance/assurance. I do not really know what to do about this.

(ANOTHER WORRY I HAVE is acting so paranoid and making it seem like I think trans people are going to cancel me and ruin my life if I say anything wrong, like a lot of transphobic people claim and act like. This is NOT AT ALL my intention, but I know I probably come off that way.)

  • kluczyczka (she/her)English
    4·
    2 days ago

    a lot of people pointed out, that it is not other peoples beer to define you.

    i’d like to add: it might be helpfull to try out different expressions. are you happier when presenting fem? or masc? or do you find peace when expressing as neither (or both)? whatever that means in detail. does it change over time?

    i really had to deduce from that for years. back then i figuered i was probably enby. i didn’t like being a man but also was afraid of identifiying as a women. i didn’t even adopt the nb label, bc i felt like an intruder.

    only later i started to develop a feeling for myself. while still not sure where i’ll end up. but def transfem! so i identified as that, when i found out. the exploration only intensified after that point, but it wouldn’t have happened, had i not allowed myself to play around first. i also had a lot of internalised transphobia to overcome, to get to a point at which i allowed myself to want to express a certain way.

    so for me this holds true: doing gender > contemplating gender

    • RadioactiveShark@piefed.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      2·
      2 days ago

      I don’t have any way to express it unless online, but I don’t know how to do that, and what I want is my expressions to be with my appearance. Here I stop.