Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?

  • 667@lemmy.radio
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    94
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    1 month ago

    One I’ve heard: a guy was giving another guy some shit for drinking a “girly drink”, saying “real men don’t drink those”.

    The guy instantly responded, “Real men drink whatever the fuck they want.”

  • Admiral Patrick@dubvee.org
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    64
    ·
    edit-2
    1 month ago

    If it’s someone random, and I haven’t said anything to them at all, I’ll usually put on a confused face and sign “What?” in ASL. Really takes the piss out of them. The hardest part is keeping a straight face when they try to repeat the insult but louder.

    It’s also my go-to power move when I’m in a long line or waiting room and someone tries to get chatty. Seriously, if you have the opportunity to take some ASL classes, you definitely should.

  • mynachmadarch@kbin.social
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    45
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    1 month ago

    I pull out the “I’m rubber, you’re glue”. Nobody expects it these days, either that or “Would Mister Rogers approve of your actions?” I’ve yet to meet someone who doesn’t at least pause at that.

    I can’t pull it off, but “I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling.” From Firefly is killer

  • beerclue@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    28
    ·
    1 month ago

    “Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”

    Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.

  • 🇰 🔵 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 ℹ️@yiffit.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    26
    ·
    edit-2
    1 month ago

    If someone calls you a pussy, the best response is “you are what you eat, dick.

    The best comeback to an insult in general is:

    “Who is this clown?”

    Because it not only calls them a clown, but it infers they aren’t even popular enough to be a well-known clown.

    • rufus
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      6
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      1 month ago

      Mirroring works best if you monkey them. Just repeat the exact words just like in an ape voice. A little pantomime helps, too.

  • Call me Lenny/Leni@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    11
    ·
    1 month ago

    Someone asked if I was dropped as a baby due to my performance difficulties and I responded by saying she’d know it would’ve been worth it if she was ever held.

  • Tikiporch@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    15
    arrow-down
    4
    ·
    1 month ago

    No one insults me, so these aren’t field tested.

    “Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you.”

    “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

    “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

    “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”