Despite forgetting my meds earlier this week, i have bounced back mentally and want to spread some good vibes!

So, to that end, how ya doing? Been alright?

Purpose of this thread, for the newer folks, is just to open up a space to tell us about anything cool you’ve got going on, or vent if ya got something on your mind.

Remember, you are loved Care-Comrade

For my own part, “worked” 85 hours last week, but got paid today. Am officially caught up on rent and my internet bill, gonna chip away on power and gas next. Once those two are down, I’ll officially be out of the financial hole that unemployment put me in and can pay back personal debts! Have an interview Friday for another tech job, so I can stop doing the AI training thing if it pans out (but I’d still keep it up enough to buy a nice amp head >.>)

On a not so great note, I’ve been finding myself craving cathinone stims the past few days. Fortunately, i don’t have the money or the sources, so that works out nicely. Another positive note - 8 months without booze!

That’s really all with me. Hows about you?

  • EstraDoll [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    15·
    4 months ago

    drinking less, losing weight, buying girl clothes, finally feeling the physicsl effects of HRT, and loving not having to live in my parent’s basement. things are finally looking up in life

  • roux [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    9·
    4 months ago

    Getting super fucking depressed. I haven’t been to therapy in 3 weeks and still got 3 more before my therapist is back from vacation.

    It’s been almost a year since I got canned from my job. I read a statistic this morning that it takes an average of 3 to 5 months to find a new job. I guess I’m an over-achiever. I really don’t know what to fucking do about it either. There are virtually no jobs in my area that are even worth applying for. When I do get an interview I just fuck it up. I don’t know how to interview, even though I have watched and read everything online about how to interview.

    This all came on because I think I technically have given up on trying to get a “real job” where I work for a boss. I am legitimately trying to get a freelance web dev thing going. I have told a few people about it and 2, not one but 2 of them that know my plight, asking me very fucking smugly if I am gonna also still try and get a “real job” while I pretend to make websites. Like, maybe fuck you? Sorry I didn’t fucking think about looking for a job. Jesus Christ, maybe that will help.

    I’ve filled out something around 600 to 900 applications but maybe that I should just apply to places I guess.

    I’m 41 years old. I checked my 401k yesterday and it’s at 35k. That’s it. That’s what I get to look forward to for retirement unless we successfully manage to wipe humanity off the planet first, which at this point I’d prefer. But at 41, you really can’t even save for any sort of retirement. I’m stuck trying to find a fucking job for the rest of my miserable fucking life. Find a job, like it, get burned out and hate it, get fired, look for year, rinse, repeat.

    Kind of fucking done. But yeah, people don’t wanna hire me and do want to fire me but I guess trying to be self employed is somehow an affront to those I told about. Same motherfuckers who don’t care about my financial well-being keep asking me if I still make sourdough. You know, because when you are suffering from crippling depression, you wanna bake some fucking bread. I practically have to put reminders in my calendar to bathe but sure lemme make some fucking bread while I have an existential crisis about dying poor and homeless. Hope you enjoy the motherfucking bread!

  • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    9·
    4 months ago

    Congratulations on 8 months, that’s a big achievement!!

    My birthday is coming in a few weeks, and I’ve always felt much more New-Years-y about that than January 1, so it’s a big reassessment time. Unfortunately, I had a couple deeply traumatic incidents around my birthday two years ago, so it’s feeling pretty heavy, and I don’t want to reassess, I don’t want to celebrate my time on the planet - I just want to hide.

    I would very much like to go back to having it be a week of pestering everyone I know and telling them how I appreciate having them in my life.

    On a positive note, my broody chickens helped hatch more than a dozen guinea keets, and I’ve got my favorite chicken (Ada Lovelace) penned off from the rest of the flock to raise the babies until they’re fledged. She is such a great mom - anytime I bring her treats, she checks to make sure it’s safe then calls the babies over before she has any for herself ❤️

    Also, the guineas are complete assholes, but we’ve seen <5 yellow jackets in the yard this year, so maybe they’re worth the trouble! I think I would legitimately, no euphemisms, actually fucking lose it if I got swarmed again.

    • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      2·
      4 months ago

      Wasn’t expecting to see more discussions of chickens here so soon.

      Coincidentally, yesterday a different user here managed to provoke a big ol’ rambling infodump that included stuff about keeping chickens.

      Have you ever thought about establishing a black soldier fly larvae farm to feed your chickens? It’s something that can be really simple and effective with minimal effort and virtually zero downsides. Black soldier fly larvae are very nutritious and they’re unusually high in calcium, meaning that they’re an ideal food to add into a chicken’s diet.

      • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        2·
        4 months ago

        Yes!! In fact, I have been toying with letting this become my next special interest. I looked at some of the pre-made bins you can get online and have been lightly pondering how I might make one and where I would dig a hole for it. I would need to order eggs too, because our winters are a little too cold for them.

        🤩 I have to go find that infodump!!

        • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
          2·
          4 months ago

          You can find it in the comments of this post.

          I looked at some of the pre-made bins you can get online and have been lightly pondering how I might make one and where I would dig a hole for it.

          Honestly I’d advise against buying a purpose-designed bin.

          You can have them in-ground if you like, but it’s not a necessity.

          BSF are attracted to rotting things and they’re actually surprisingly common, even in areas where the winters get very cold. Obviously they aren’t active when it gets to freezing temperatures but either they lay eggs that go dormant when the winter weather comes on or they recede during the winter months and then rapidly repopulate, moving from the warmer regions into the regions that have just recently defrosted.

          If you have a purpose built worm farm, it’s worth noting that BSF larvae will outcompete your worms so it can cause a conflict. There are ways to manage this, including physically separating them but as BSF do not tolerate wet environments, you can take advantage of this biological quirk and throw a lot of high moisture stuff into a worm farm or you can even flood it - the worms will manage but the BSF larvae won’t.

          Also worth mentioning that it seems as though BSF compost/frass is not nearly as rich as a fertiliser compared to what compost worms produce, and my hunch is that this is because BSF are extremely efficient so they don’t leave many nutrients behind.

          I would need to order eggs too, because our winters are a little too cold for them.

          If it’s cheap, go for it.

          BSF have a remarkable sense of smell. I’m not sure about the science behind it but it’s commonly held that BSF larvae emit pheromones that attract soldier flies because once you have a few then suddenly you will find a big influx of soldier flies. My hunch is that it’s an evolutionary adaptation which signals to nearby soldier flies that the ideal conditions for BSF larvae have been discovered, so it’s like a beacon signalling the soldier flies to converge, breed, and lay eggs right at that particular spot.

          You could try taking advantage of this by buying some live BSF larvae from a local reptile specialist store if there’s any around. It’s not guaranteed to work but it might be a cheaper option.

          In all honesty, there’s probably BSF around that you don’t notice because they aren’t a nuisance like blowflies are and unless you know what you’re looking for it’s easy to assume that little flying insect that flitted past the corner of your field of vision was just a fly or maybe some sort of little wasp.

          If you want to go hunting for them, I’d look at any local animal paddocks, especially if there are cows. You are almost certainly going to find BSF in those places.

          If you want to lure them, there are a few things that the soldier flies love. Rotting meat is one, which is pretty off-putting for obvious reasons. They also love corn which has gone sour - you could get a jar and add some cornmeal, masa, unpopped popcorn kernels or whatever you have on hand then add enough water for it to soak and get soupy then leave it with the lid on to ripen for however long it takes before it starts smelling really sour. I’d say that you could do a very similar thing with dog or cat kibble, or you could mix corn and kibble together, and it should attract them while not smelling as offensive as last week’s roadkill.

          When you do open up the jar, I’d try to do it on a warmer day (say about 20°C or more - the hotter the better) with a light breeze. BSF are very strong fliers but if it’s really windy they might have trouble finding the source of the enticing odours.

          Honestly though, this is probably overkill. If you have a compost heap, especially one that is open air, you probably have some soldier flies lurking around looking for the right place to lay their eggs already.

          My first wild sighting of BSF was in an urban environment where there was no agricultural land anywhere nearby. I had an in-ground compost bin with a lid that I would use to reduce my environmental footprint a little. Without any exaggeration, I would open the lid of the compost bin and I’d get soldier flies within seconds. Not swarms of them by any means but typically just one or a few.

          If you have any compost or areas where there’s a pile of animal shit, especially if it’s a bit stinky, you could cut a small piece of corrugated cardboard, affix that to a stake or a stick and plant it so that the cardboard is directly above the pile. If there are any poles or posts near the pile you could also put cardboard strips on them.

          It will only take a couple of minutes to put together with scraps that you have lying around - even if you don’t manage to lure any BSF this way it’s not like it would be any great loss to try your luck.

          Up until fairly recently it was commonly held that BSF were too tricky to keep in a greenhouse or that it wasn’t possible to do it. More recently I’ve seen some indoor commercial operations that indicate that it’s practical to keep BSF in greenhouses.

          My guess is that because the soldier fly itself only lives for like a few days max, people assumed that they were dying because of the greenhouse conditions rather than them dying because that’s just what BSF do.

          If I lived in a climate that had freezing winter temperatures and I had a greenhouse, I’d probably just try my hand at overwintering BSF in the greenhouse by moving a BSF farm into it. It’s not like you’d have anything to lose by trying it out. If it worked out, you’d be able to have a steady stream of BSF larvae year-round which would be pretty neat. You’d just want to make sure that you allow a percentage of larvae to pupate to reach the adult stage to keep the egg supply going.

          • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
            2·
            4 months ago

            There’s a perfect spot for a greenhouse against the south-facing side of my house, very close to the gutter drain. 🤩 I can combine my rain barrel wishes with my greenhouse wishes with my BSF wishes and my worm wishes.

            I wish I could spend a day with you walking through my daily life and have you tell me all this stuff I wish I knew about all of it. You are amazing, and I am so grateful every time I get to soak up some of your knowledge. Thank you so much!

            Please feel free to infodump about greenhouses and rain barrels too! 😂

            • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
              2·
              4 months ago

              There’s a perfect spot for a greenhouse against the south-facing side of my house, very close to the gutter drain. 🤩 I can combine my rain barrel wishes with my greenhouse wishes with my BSF wishes and my worm wishes.

              Oh neat!

              Sounds like it would be the ideal place to build a water wall in your greenhouse to use as thermal mass/a thermal battery.

              I wish I could spend a day with you walking through my daily life and have you tell me all this stuff I wish I knew about all of it. You are amazing, and I am so grateful every time I get to soak up some of your knowledge. Thank you so much!

              That’s so kind of you to say. I have a head filled with random information and it’s nice to be able to put it to use in a way that makes a positive impact.

  • FlakesBongler [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    8·
    4 months ago

    Still recovering from my gallbladder surgery

    They gave me one days worth of baby percocet to deal with the pain, so I’ve just been taking edibles and playing Paper Mario on my switch

    Gotta love how they expect you to deal with the removal of an organ with ibuprofen and acetaminophen

  • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    5·
    4 months ago

    I am actually doing fairly well, although the more I think about it the more I think I’m trans, so that’s new and interesting. I’m sure everyone is shocked that a they/them is not cis.

  • Mokey [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    4·
    4 months ago

    Sad grandma not doing well. I hate work. I miss my partner. I feel alone and isolated all the time. I relate to no one and i desperately want someone irl to reach out and care

  • 2Password2Remember [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    3·
    4 months ago

    coming to the end of my long ass trip though south america and europe in two weeks. originally i’d planned on nine months but i miss my family and money is running out fast so six months will have to be good enough.

    i’m doing well though. figured out pretty definitively that i don’t want to get back with my ex and instead i want to get a remote job and then use that to get a visa to move to spain or italy, then buy a house outright (ie without a mortgage) as quick as possible. then once i’ve got a permanent residency (either through marriage or living long enough in the country) i should be able to start a family and only have to work part time because i wont be paying for housing. a debt-free life in my 30s is looking very possible, and that feels really good, even if there are a lot of steps and what-ifs between now and then.

    also i’m now over 200 days without porn, which used to be a big problem for me. all things considered it’s looking good

    Death to America

  • Comp4 [comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    3·
    4 months ago

    I finished Dungeon Meshi. I really enjoyed that show! Thanks to it and the Frieren anime, fantasy fans are eating good.

    I’m feeling okay. Can’t wait to be done with work this week.

    • Cowbee [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      1·
      4 months ago

      Dungeon Meshi is such a breath of fresh air, the character designs are great and the world building hits just right. I think a large part of why it’s so enjoyable is that it’s written by a woman, so the women in the anime aren’t treated like objects like in so many other fantasy anime.

  • NoLeftLeftWhereILive [none/use name, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    3·
    4 months ago

    A bit tired with studying and working full time at the same time. But doing better with it than ever before with my late arrived understanding of my neurotype.

    Having conflicting feelings about the clients I have to try and help in my work when they bring forward fullblown nazi thinking, it also sometimes makes me feel a bit unsafe. Struggling a bit with that, but doing my best and hoping to nudge people towards a more material understanding of their position.

    Glad that I have a decent paycheck finally and am now able to help my also neurodivergent kid pay their rent over the summer.

    My little backyard garden tomatoes are looking amazing.

  • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    4 months ago

    I’m going off tramadol for however many days to see how bad the withdrawal is. (Please tell me about how I am going end up destitute and addicted) If it’s more than slightly bad I’m off for good, and I’ll have to accept being a completely busted corpse instead of a mostly busted corpse.

    Also accounts are a meme, technology is a meme

    • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      2·
      4 months ago

      Good luck! I’ve cut opiates cold turkey, but it was a nasty “research chemical.” Tramadol isn’t a particularly strong opioid in the grand scheme, but I think it has some SSRI stuff in there too doesn’t it?

      Feel free to DM me if you need an ear! Proud of ya, and good luck!

      • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        2·
        4 months ago

        Tramadol is simulatenously a pathetic, shitty, worthless opiate cut with paracetamol that doesn’t even do anything get on something stronger, and also I’m already a casualty of the opioid epidemic, I am going to be a statistic in a year.

        I was on and quit tramadol before, a couple months, that was easier than going off of zoloft. This is a 37.5mg dose. I asked for it because nothing else makes my sternum stop trying to kill me effectively and I still won’t walk into a dispensary. It keeps me moving but there isn’t much left of me now.

        My mood has been extremely deranged partly since I cut cyproterone acetate doses down to 12.5mg.