My LO turned 2 in May. She’s been peeing on the potty since she was 18 months old (and started having accidents in the tub). We started potty training in earnest in June. We’re now in October and not doing much better. We have very little issues with getting her to go. She will pee on the potty almost every time we suggest it. But she will not hold it and she will not tell us when she needs to go. Making it through the day with no accidents requires us to make her stop every hour and go. She knows all the mantras and will tell you the right thing every time you talk to her. But she isn’t putting it to practice. We’ve tried stickers, hand stamps, screen time, juice, stickers in the potty that show dinosaurs when she pees on them. She likes all of these things and is excited for them. But she will not go of her own accord. The thing is, I know she can hold it. She’ll hold it for hours in the car or when we’re out and about in public. She doesn’t fear the potty (sometimes after pooping in her pull-ups it’s sensitive and she’s afraid to pee for a time or two, but gets over it quickly). We’ve done underwear, pull-ups, no pants, leaving the door open and lights on, and us announcing loudly when we need to go to model. Is it just a waiting game? Eventually she’ll understand her body better? I’m a little apprehensive because the next room at daycare will send your child home if they have 2 accidents in a day. So we’ve got about six months to make some drastic improvements. We’ve done books and songs and get super excited when she goes. I’ve tried to make it a positive experience for her. And that’s just pee. The only way she will poop on the potty is if we catch her in the act (usually after not going for a day or two) and run her to the potty. Most weekends she’ll go both days without pooping and then go first thing at daycare in her pull-up. Is there anything I’m missing? Anything I haven’t tried? I would be fine with the occasional accident because she forgot to go while playing, but right now she will only tell us after she has gone in her pants and will only go potty if we remind her.
She may not actually be ready. When they are ready it is fast. When they are not ready they physically cannot do it. Pressure on her will absolutely make it worse.
Take a 4 month break and try again.
100% our first kind of fought it until he was ready. Then it was like a week pantsless before he had daytime peeing done. Pooping was a separate deal. He REALLY didn’t want to go in the toilet but when he turned 3 we just told him no more diapers and we followed through with it. It took about 2 days and he was over it but they were rough.
Nighttimes were also pretty quick, we did liner, sheet, liner, sheet and had extra pillows and blankets ready for him. He probably only had 10ish accidents and has been dry since.
Bro. Your kid is doing great. It took my younger son until 4 to get it right. Also, that day care is bullshit.
Things will improve. She’s got 20% of her life to figure it out (6 months before three) it’s tough because your timescale is way different than hers.
Agreed, nothing to worry about yet OP.
Also for OP, it sounds like y’all have been giving this a lot of attention. Be careful not to let your anxiety become hers
We started around 2.5 years, and followed the “Oh Crap!” potty training book. We went straight from diapers to nothing (no pull ups, even at night), and it took less than a week. The idea is to take a few days off where you can watch them constantly, go without pants, and catch their “cues” right before they go and run them to the potty. Once they are doing that consistently (usually after a day or so), add pants and repeat, but give them a chance to decide to go themselves. They won’t want to go in their pants/on the floor. More than 1 or 2 accidents, go back to day one.
Sounds like you’re close, but just need to be consistent and maybe do a bit of a reset, to make it clear that going in the potty isn’t an optional, once in a while thing, but the only option going forward. Not sure about your day care situation, but the book recommends against pull ups as it feels just like a diaper, and makes it hard to be consistent.
It’s hard to have time off with our work schedules, which is why I tried over the summer initially. She doesn’t care as much as I thought she would about going on herself though. She ran in yesterday with a big smile to tell me she peed in her underwear. I’ll check out the book though, thanks!
IMO, daycare should be helping you with potty training.
It sounds like she is forgetting whether she has diapers on or not. That’s something you can only do by going cold turkey on diapers - minus nap and sleeptime. Then immediately off again.
It’s a fairly difficult ask. We’re asking them to feel a slow increase in pressure throughout the day and to stop what they’re doing and go use the bathroom without having a direct trigger.
And trying to teach them to use the bathroom at regular intervals without being reminded isn’t any easier.
The first step is for them too feel the emergency and run to the bathroom.
Then slowly work back from there until they’re going to the bathroom when they’re transiting between things.
If they can’t figure out the emergency and run to the bathroom, they’re not ready yet.
So earlier yesterday we went with no pants or anything. At one point, she stopped in the middle of the kitchen and froze. I asked her if she needed to go and she ran to the potty and went. Then later she said she peed, but when I looked it was the tiniest amount and she stopped herself and finished in the potty. Does that seem like the understanding the emergency?
Also, we’ve had times where she’s held it for a few hours, been completely dry, and peed a bigger amount on the potty. This has even happened at daycare as well.
She’s getting there it’s not binary. Almost 24x7 were walking around in some constant state of yeah I could pee a little bit. She’s just got to find that point where it makes sense to her brain that yeah you should probably go pee now.
Positive reinforcement is great for getting kids to do something, but it often doesn’t work to get them to stop doing something. You already got her to do the thing (pee in the toilet), but you also need her to stop doing something (peeing in her diaper). I tried all the positive stuff with my kid and when he was 18 months and still crapping in his pants, I was honestly getting very tired of it and angry. I started letting him know I was angry about it, and it stopped. In a moment which I’m sure all parents today will scowl at, I yelled at him and told him he’s way too old to be crapping in his diaper, and I’m sick and tired of it. Well, what do you know? He stopped! That’s what it took, and it worked very quickly since already knew how to use the toilet.
Negative reinforcement has its place. It needs to be hyper targeted to be useful. If the child is not capable of the adjustment (either due to inability or not understanding) then it can mess with their head.
I’ve done the negative rant at my minion. I think all parents have. I do tend to try and temper it afterwards, with an apology, and an explanation. In many ways, that was the most useful part. It both teaches emotional regulation, by example, and provides them all the information. Knowing you’ve upset mummy or daddy is one thing. Knowing how, why, and how to fix it, is another.
This was definitely hyper targeted, “stop crapping in your pants!”. Haha. I honestly felt a little bad afterwards, but I didn’t apologize because I meant it. I don’t remember if he immediately stopped, or very soon after, but I do remember that it solved the problem. To be clear, I wasn’t like raving mad about it, or yelling at the top of my lungs or anything, but I let him know how displeased I was.
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve done the same loop more than once.
Get frustrated => Vent => Realise I f@#£ed up => Apologised => Explained why I was upset, and what I actually wanted from them. => Problem fades away.
It’s a nuclear option, but effective.
switch day cares.
This sounds very strange but absolutely could be just the thing. We swapped kindergartens when kid was 3, and there was a huge change on how she’s learning stuff.
Also what helped us a ton with potty training, was to just bring potty to living room where we spend most of the time during day time, and have her stay at home without panties.
It’s the cheapest, safest, and most convenient to us. And they do encourage her to go potty and she goes multiple times a day there (just in addition to going in pull-ups). While changing daycares may allow for a different policy in their 3-year-old room, I still want my toddler to be potty trained for a multitude of reasons.
So I thought my toddler had to be potty-trained before the 3yr room and it turns out I misunderstood, and actually that room was focused on getting them trained. Maybe talk with them again not about the two-accident thing but about their process? Because I bet there’s something lost in translation. My kiddo’s 3yr room took them to the bathroom a lot and maybe the other kids doing it also had an impact.
We used mini M&Ms as a reward. They are small enough that it’s not too much sugar. He got 1 for going, so he figured it out quickly to go when he felt the sensation.
It’s possible, but we do offer watered down juice as a reward. A cup for poop, a sip for pee (usually only when she’s really fighting it). She still needs prompting to go, though.
Do you give her juice in other situations? The key is to make it a special reward they only get for potty time. Also it didn’t fully click till my boy was around 2&1/2. So it might just be an age thing. Remember all kids develop at different speeds, so don’t feel like she has to be 100% at only 2.
Very very rarely. Like only at a birthday party. Juice gets her the most excited
