Hi friends ,
I’ve known my best friend since I was 6 years old. He’s always been very, very successful. I’ve always looked up to him, and still do.
A couple of years ago, I confronted him about Elon. I was very concerned. Elon was becoming something I could no longer support. My friend said that he would support Tesla through thick and thin, and here we are today.
He’s made a lot of money off of Elon and I’m happy for him, but I am very concerned that I should not be supporting someone that’s making a living off of someone that possibly is a Nazi. I’m considering ending my friendship. I want to do the right thing. I care about you. I care about us, and I’m very scared for our future.
I’m asking you for advice on whether or not I should give up on my best friend. We’ve been friends for almost 40 years, and I love him dearly. I’m crying right now making these statements. Should I still seek his support?
I am just so angry. My world is becoming so hostile, and I don’t know if I should separate myself from the negative influences around me. What do you guys think?
A lot of fascism and authoritarianism comes from loneliness or a lack of community. Cutting him off could mean he seeks more community with Nazis. Be clear about your beliefs, keep calling him out when he’s wrong, but try to stay his friend. That’s different than “supporting” his beliefs. Take care of him when he’s sick, but don’t drive him to the Nazi rally. Your friendship might make a difference on his journey back to healthy beliefs.
Also, really sorry your friend is dealing with this right now, I know it must suck to see this happen to him. It’s not necessarily the final story though.
A thing to think on from one of my favorite authors, and favorite characters, is sorta tangential to your predicament. Granny is talking religion with a priest about good and evil.
Granny Weatherwax: “There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”
Mightily Oats: “It’s a lot more complicated than that–”
GW: “No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”
MO: “Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes–”
GW: “But they starts with thinking about people as things…”
Is your friend a “thing”? No? Maybe he deserves a sit-down talk.
You could try just distancing yourself from him. You don’t know what the future brings. Maybe something will happen to bring him around to your way of thinking and then you haven’t burned any bridges. I mean it may come to a confrontation, but you’re there already, so no real loss.
I trade money for goods and services. Does that make me a capitalist?
No, because you don’t own the means of production.
Propaganda is more effective when coming from a friend. If he isnt being hateful or intolerable, you could try to convince him not to be a nazi sympathizer. The world always needs less nazi sympathizers
People who support nazis are also nazis
From what I understood from you your post is that he’s not interested in Elon, but rather in the money he made with Tesla
That doesn’t sound like a bad thing, and certainly not like actively supporting Elon
Just trying to get by
Agreed. And it’s not like you’re going to find a GOOD company to invest in. But I do think that some companies are just too evil to support. And I certainly wouldn’t go talking Elon up just because I made money on the stock.
I cut ties with my mother for voting for the orange-bad again. I still love her, but I have friends who are directly targeted by that shitbag and she knows it. Do whatever you think necessary. I’m sorry that you’ve maybe lost a friend.
Determine if the relationship is having a negative impact on you, then either 1) assess why it’s hurting you and if there’s anything to adjust about how you’re processing it, or 2) protect your mental health by setting up the boundaries that you need, cutting off as a last resort.
Be cautious about asking this online though. People are tribal about politics and have zero investment in your IRL relationships, so you may see lots of rationalizing of cutting off a lifelong friend, family member, spouse, etc without much nuance. Only you have the proper perspective to determine what you’d be sacrificing and if it’s a net positive.
You have the right answer here. Too many people wanting us to separate into two opposing groups before it is absolutely necessary. Which is exactly what those hoping for the demise of the nation want. Putin knows he can’t deal with a united United States, but if we’re too busy fighting ourselves, well then, he’s in the catbird seat.
It honestly comes all down to morals, and that is it. That’s why this is so difficult. Am I right? Who the hell am I?
If the guy really is your friend, ask him bluntly. Don’t tiptoe around the topic.
If he is a fascist and you don’t want to be a sympathetiser your options are quite limited.
Again don’t use colloquialisms, or soft language.
don’t use colloquialisms, or soft language.
Honestly, part of the problem with the current crop of right wing assholes, is that a lot of them are so fucking brainwashed that they don’t even realize that what they’re supporting is just outright fascist/Nazi bullshit, so if you ask them point-blank “Are you a Nazi/fascist” they’re going to answer “no” and truly believe that, even as they’re supporting rounding up immigrants into concentration camps and “ironically” making Nazi salutes.
They have absolutely mastered 1984-style doublethink and duckspeak. They’ll prattle on about being free speech absolutists while wanting to remove books about trans people from libraries or banning people with different opinions from their social media sites. They’ll talk about being fiscally conservative while absolutely fucking the economy. They’ll rant about draining the swamp and eliminating the deep state while they give some unelected goon unprecedented power to do whatever the hell he wants in the government with no consequences.
And they see absolutely no contradictions there.
So you kind of have to play fucking word games with them if you want to actually sus out what their actual thoughts are.
This is so true, and why I posted this video to help us understand it. I went through this with a family member and it’s exhausting.
I’m so sad, bro. He’s coming over in an hour, and I’m so sad to cut him loose.
Convincing someone that they hold illogical positions takes time. If they value your friendship, then they should respect your feelings and at least be open to the conversation. It took me years to deprogram my mother. It took patience and a lot of compassion to slowly change her mind. If he is amicable, it may not be a lost cause. Eventually, Musk’s actions and peer pressure from the public may bring him around. It can happen.
That being said, if he harbors white supremacist views and is uncompromising, it might be best to excise that toxicity from your life. Only you know the contextual reality of this situation. Can his mind be changed? Or is this a lost cause?
If it’s the latter, be compassionate and let them know that you will always be available if they are willing to change their mind.
The thing is I am not trying to change him at all. I just want to do the right thing, and it just seems odd to me that someone would have these beliefs.
You know what is best for you. Good luck.
Thanks, friend.
Good luck.
Just my 2 cents, and echoing some of the sentiment in this thread.
IMO, if he’s buying Telsa stock, it doesn’t make your buddy a Nazi, or even a Nazi sympathizer. He’s just a guy making money in a capitalist system. It is what it is, and I’m not going to blame anyone for trying to make money where they can. I have friends in the same situation, making money off Telsa, and also despising Elon as a person. I don’t hold it against them, everyone needs to find a way to support themselves. You aren’t going to sewer your own financials just to be morally superior, because that’s going to be a net loss, and it’s pissing into the wind in terms of fighting the system.
If he’s overtly supporting Elon himself, that’s a different story, but it sounds like he just is making bank off the stock, will ride it out as it’s in his best interest, and there isn’t much cause for concern.
Again, like other commenters have said, just talk to him. Make him aware you understand he likes Tesla, but ask him if he supports Elon politically/ethically. Make your decisions based off of that. A lot can be accomplished with just a casual conversation. I wouldn’t recommend talking to him with an accusatory or defensive standpoint. I would be pretty casual about it to see where he sits.
Good luck friend. It’s nasty out there.
Just avoid talking about politics with them. Ultinately neither of you are in control of world events so focus on what you have in common instead of jettisoning someone from your life for something almost as superficial as supporting a different sports team.
Politics isn’t about sports teams. That kind of mentality is exactly why this shitshow is happening. Politics affects all of us and our everyday lives, and it’s not unreasonable to not want to associate with someone who supports fascism. That SHOULD be a dealbreaker.
If they’ve been your friend for 40 years, then I think it’s best you talk to him directly. Just be direct, don’t tip-toe around the subject. Just like a marriage, the only thing that is going to relieve the tension and get things on track is open communication with your friend. But – and this is important – You have to be ready for the answers to not be what you want.
This is the correct answer.
Thank you.
You said you had this conversation about Elon years ago, but obviously a lot has changed since then.
Try asking some deeper questions about why he still supports Musk now. Is he just trying to plug his head in the sand because he just likes Tesla/has a financial stake, or does he genuinely align with Musk’s fascist leanings? Did he vote for Trump?
This. People will ignore a lot of ugliness as long as they’re making money. If it’s just about his financial success and not about what Musk stands for, it may be disingenuous to call him a Nazi sympathizer.
That being said, it’s also true that most ways to make lots of money is on the backs of victims. If this is the part that is offensive to you, but he continues to embrace it even when the topic has been carefully explored, then you should do what helps you stay sane.
I just don’t recommend abandoning friendships lightly.
Oh boy, I have not addressed this! Haha. Guess I got a serious convo coming up
I don’t think it’s always necessary or even helpful to sever relationships solely because someone has toxic political beliefs.
I would think more in terms of what problems do you see with this relationship and what actions, if any could potentially solve these problems? What are you trying to achieve by ending this relationship?
Really it comes down to intolerance. I just want to help my fellow man. My friend is a good person, I just am so separated from his views of society.
So you want him to become more tolerant, is that your goal?
No, I don’t want him to change. He has his own life. But I wonder if I’m part of the problem by being associated with him.
But I wonder if I’m part of the problem by being associated with him.
Elon’s playbook is to divide us. Elon would prefer your friend be cut off from his long term support (you), when Elon asks him to cross a line that he otherwise wouldn’t.
We are getting to the point I am afraid of. This sucks.
