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Hah
Sure, you may have multiple partners
But do you have four feral cats you feed regularly who think you’re the best human being on earth?
No. You don’t. Losers.
this
Whats crazy to me is never that women can get more action then dudes most of the time, but that people have so much free time. Like dating several, not in a dining table relationship, but like planning a time to go out and meetup for some time, dating.
Let alone the finances fuck
For women that part is easier since you’re generally not expecting a woman to pay on a date anyway.
Good luck affording dating multiple people as a dude though.
When we opened up our marriage I wasn’t as interested in meeting new people as she was. So she did her thing and I listened to the stories she told of her dates and also the stupid dudes that messaged her
That actually got me interested as well so I created an account on the same site without a picture and without telling her. So the first thing I did was message her, pretending to be some unknown dude. I got her hooked with just one short message. Felt good to know that I could still rizz her.
Of course I knew that all in all she would be more “successfull”. But we both had our ups and downs, had fun, broke hearts, got our hearts broken. Eventually she stopped dating and I kept going until I couldn’t go on.
In the end, I have slept with more women after marrying than before. Met many interesting people and learned a lot of stuff about myself.
But the most important thing about an open relationship is that it is open in communication. In that way we were open even before we started dating other people. And I think that is why it worked.
Gender…
Yeah even in completely mutual open relationships this is typically what happens.
And it doesn’t help that I’m bad at talking to women. My girlfriend ended up setting me up with more people than I found myself.
Either you interpret “completely mutual” differently from me or you’re wrong. When people go into it with open communication and really ask themselves what would happen if their partner acted like them but was more successful, this doesn’t happen.
???
I don’t understand what you’re trying to say?
I was just saying even when it’s mutual women get more interest than men.
I see, I meant the part where the dude gets flustered about that fact and problems arise.
It’s often a part of these stories and I never get how a couple with communication skills that bad expects a different outcome.
Yet all poly people I know just … do their thing and are happy.
I was lucky to find one woman that is willing to hang out with me for life. No fucking way I’d think I could trick a second one into not realizing I’m a strong 3.5 on a good day from a great distance and while not wearing their glasses.
Even if I did, I don’t think I’ve got the physical or mental ability to disappoint two women at once!!
That sounds like a recipe for success
I must be a modern Hercules. I disappoint every woman who’s gotten to know me.
Like that time that I spent two days cleaning and completely rearranging the bedroom while my wife was out of town, and then accidentally slept through all of her phone calls and texts that she landed and was waiting for me at the airport. And then she told my mom and sisters at the next family gathering, as she had every right to do.
Anyway, 4 women across two families and two generations. All in one well-intentioned fuck-up. They weren’t mad, just disappointed…
That’s outstanding! Fantastic effort!
If, for your lack of physical and mental energy, your efforts to disappoint two women at once ended in… disappointment, I wonder if that would mean you’d technically managed to impress and satisfy at least one.
I think I’d just disappoint both, but faster
That’s why you get yourself a girl with bad vision and then hide her glasses. Worked for me
This is my take, too. I’m objectively decent looking, but there’s no way anyone other than Mrs. Shovel be able to tolerate me.
My wife and I actually met because of this kind of thing. Not only that, but the relationship I was in before meeting her ended because my partner at the time decided that she wanted an open relationship exactly long enough to get involved with one of my friends and then leave me for him.
Her late spouse did the whole forced poly/open relationship crap and I was one of the people they started talking to. It’s actually seeing how her ex treated me that let her finally realize she was in an abusive marriage and put her foot down and leave. We’ve been together 10 years now, married for almost 8.
That’s kind of awesome.
Dude is an idiot. Should’ve just find other couples who wants to swap.
Sheesh I am sad so many of you had such terrible experiences with open relationships and/or polyamory. Maybe it’s cause I am not hetero or a dude but this has been the most wholesome time of my life.
It is always funny to read about open marriage regret, especially when the husband pushed for it.
Those guys are total morons. The dating economics are way different for women then men. My wife and I are probably both in the same league, yet if we opened our relationship I bet shed have a new guy every single weekend if she wanted. I’d probably average a handful per year. That is just a recipe for disaster.
Correction: Every hour if she wanted
why not more than 1 at once.
Bro should have tried Grindr.
There’s an episode of South Park like this where Randy and his wife go on Only Fans. She’s making a ton of money within a month, he is obliviously not.
“years of pleading” for an open relationship is kind of a flag. Maybe not a red one, but certainly a warning of some sort.
Also, not to repeat myself, but I think a lot of guys are kind of bad at dating and dating apps. There’s a lot of self sabotage and then blaming external forces. A message of “hey” isn’t going to win any prizes, and yet that’s all some people can muster.
Having to plead with your partner for years about something you consider to be quite important to the relationship (like opening it to other people) is weird in general.
If you’re having to harangue them like that, it seems like a sign that the two of you might not be compatible with each other.
While I don’t disagree, many of the women I’ve seen on dating apps have about as much personality as a cardboard box, yet still get tons of matches. It’s just annoying having to be super funny and interesting and etc to get any attention at all, compared to the other person actually just existing and saying “hey.”
Getting loads of matches isn’t necessarily a boon. I’ve had quite a few times where it turns out that a person I’ve matched with actually doesn’t find me attractive at all, but they were just liking profiles en masse to maximise their chance of getting likes.
Although, I prefer the people who are honest about the fact they consider me ugly than the ones who consider me unattractive but go on a date with me anyway, because I’m better than nothing. I once even ended up finding out that a dude was 0% attracted to me after we had been on a few dates and I had ended up at his place; he was unable to maintain an erection, and this led to him confessing that he wasn’t physically into me at all, but that I was the best option available.
I’m far from conventionally attractive, but I also know that I’m not the repugnant ogre that these instances made me feel like. It’s exhausting to do online dating because even the excessive number of likes just ends up being a source of stress: “is this person actually into me, or am I functionally a fleshlight to them?”
It’s especially frustrating because dudes who are like this are also making it worse for other men on the app who actually want to meet someone. It puts women more on guard, and makes us feel overwhelmed, which makes it less likely that we’ll have the emotional or mental energy spare to message back someone who’ll end up being genuine
Yep 100%, I didn’t mean to make it seem like the other side is better, I think online dating is pretty terrible for everyone. I’ll think a long time about if I want to match with someone but I’ve heard many people say “just spam like and then you can decide on the couple matches you actually get.” I don’t go on because I don’t want to see the cardboard personalities, and actually cool women don’t go on for the exact reasons you said.
Hopefully in person hangout spaces become a thing again, since that’s so much better than online.
Don’t worry, I didn’t get the sense that you were saying it in “we have it worse” kind of way. I was just giving some additional perspective from my side of the aisle — because solidarity is always good when facing something a bit grim
I don’t think it’s necessary to have to put too much thought into clicking “like” on people when online dating; The landscape pretty much requires casting a wide net, regardless of gender. Some people go way overboard on that though — they treat people like they’re pieces of meat at the market, and then they mope about how lonely they are.
I have met good people on these apps, but man, it sure does take a lot of effort to get past the initial “vibe checking” stages (which can include the first in person date or so). Fortunately my profile is weird as hell, and whilst that doesn’t put off the creeps, it does draw in the people who are like “damn, this chick is weird…I bet we’d get on!”
True on all counts. Unfortunately, there’s little to be done to change those things. Putting in the effort to be funny and interesting will have better outcomes than focusing on how it’s not fair you have to do more work. This might be one of the few scenarios where men are mildly disadvantaged
I mean I would still rather not be the woman in that situation since you don’t know who actually cares about you. Just that it’s pretty unfortunate that we still do the basic evolution thing of “males compete for a female’s interest!” I don’t really want to play that game, and irl I didn’t feel I needed to nearly as much.
Idk i think asking to open up the relationship is always a mistake, you should just break up instead. Open relationships work but they have to be that way from the outset. At least ive seen about a dozen relationships open up and every single one ended badly. I know three successful open couples and they were all like that from the beginning.
To me it seems the only way opening up after works, is if “after” is “after they’ve become empty nesters.” Because a lot of the people with functioning open relationships seem to be 50+.
This has been my experience as well. The default mode of monogamous relationships has a lot of bad habits and anti-patterns, too.
There was a good blog post I read a while ago I can’t find now (it was a title like “the missing step”, but most blog posts with that title are about toxic people in communities that are ignored like a missing step on a staircase you avoid without fixing). It essentially argued that when people are monogamous, they tend to slide towards a sort of all-access codependence, where you just kind of assume your partner is there all for you the time. When such a couple tries to open up, and your partner suddenly has plans without you, people don’t know what to do. You always used to just do stuff together, and now your partner is out somewhere with Alex? Fuck Alex! Who do they think they are??
It’s pretty bad, but happens frequently.
The post’s advice was to make plans with your current partner, before you “open up”. Even if you never open up. Make plans together, but also explicitly and intentionally keep time for yourself. Even if you don’t actually do anything, take a day a week that’s just yours to do what you want. Go out of the house. You don’t have to tell them any details. Maybe you’ll go for a hike. Maybe you’ll go bowling. Doesn’t matter. It’s your time. Personal. Private.
Once you both get used to that, where the other person is just off doing stuff without you sometimes, it’s much easier to slot “they went on a date” into that space.
Yeah and that’s healthy for permanent monogamous relationships too. It’s just hard i think everyone gets cheated on st some point in your teens or twenties so people develop fear of partner having free time, but yeah eventually in like 30s plus relationships you get more security like we’re not all put there trying to discover our sexuality anymore
A message comes after matches.
That depends on the app. On hinge, you can (and should) send a message with your like.
On tinder and close relatives, you can only work on your profile.
Bumble matches you, but only women can send first! So even if you match, you can’t chat lol.
Hasn’t this changed ages ago? IIRC they lost the one thing that made them unique.
True. I had a very poor experience on bumble, where I didn’t get many interactions. Not being able to message first I think takes away one of my few advantages.
Yea, I understand hey it’s not a way to start, yet women are waiting for something smart and interesting in the first couple messages, otherwise they will ghost and go for someone else. With a friend you can say “hey”, but with a woman on a dating site you should go “Was your father thief ? cause you stole my heart!” and then go showcase your reach hobbies.
I might be wrong, but do tell me.
I’ve had the exact opposite, two separate girlfriends who pushed me into an open relationship.
Though after that same thing, zero luck for myself, plenty for them, then they eventually stopped sleeping with me at all and eventually broke up with me for the new guys.
So many dumdums trying to gaslight their partners into thinking that it’s not cheating, it’s an open relationship.
If you have to convince your partner, it’s not an open relationship, it’s a toxic one.
It’s really no wonder most marriages end up in divorce, when I see the quality of the relationships I wonder how they lasted more than two weeks.
As a polyamorous individual, I whole-heartedly agree! Actual polyamory is often hard and requires a lot of attention and dedication.
I was open with every, single person involved about the fact I am this way, and have done my best at every step and with each new addition that none of them felt like a “side-piece.”
Real polyamory is made of much of the same stuff as real monogamy: hardcore honesty, vulnerability (especially when it’s hard), open, crystal clear communication, and most importantly, consent! Safe, sane, informed consent. If you haven’t put every, single goddamn card on the table, you’re not polyamorous, you’re a playboy.
