• jballs@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    Most people usually consider killing Hitler. But if you think about it, there are on average 80 to 30 million sperm in a typical ejaculation. So I’d find Hitler’s dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit. Then I’d come back to see how much history I changed.

    • Raptor_007@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      “So I’d find Hitler’s dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit.”

      Brand new sentence.

  • Candelestine@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Ship my ass far, far into the future to satisfy my biggest piece of curiosity, probably in 100 yr increments or something. Hopefully somewhere with really good line of sight over a wide area, so I can see some “civilization”. If it gets really nice, I’d stay. I can try to sell the machine if funds are necessary.

    If it isn’t particularly nice at some point, there’s a nonzero chance I might die on one of my jumps. Avoiding that, I’d jump backwards again far enough to live out my natural life in the most advanced time I can.

    Amusingly, despite being a bit of a history buff, I’d have very little interest in actually going back. Even to learn.

  • Mateo@lemmy.zip
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    1 year ago

    I’d first take my time and study how it works and how time itself works, then I’d study a bunch of history, and a bunch of science, once I’m done I’d go back in time to 1,000 BCE Yukatan Peninsula and chill in the beach, meet some locals, have a good time.

    • rstein
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      1 year ago

      And after your holiday you return and find the history books changed to Columbus discovering a nearly empty continent in 1492 and a archeological record of a big, continent wide pandemic, killing nearly all of the humans. Countless civilisations crashed by mass deaths……

      • Mateo@lemmy.zip
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        1 year ago

        I have to counter this by saying, I don’t think one got would kill an entire continent, specially cuz I am immunized myself to modern diseases, if anything I’d probably help the locals get immunized with technology.

    • LIV3N@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      This would be the most inconspicuous way to get rich with time travel.

      But by buying too much you could throw off the future, so it might be guess and check.

    • slazer2au@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      But how? You don’t have access to your current bank account, any cash you bring would likely get marked as fake because of the redesigns that happen.

      It is fun to think about “if I go back in time I will buy as much X as possible.” But you don’t have any currency from that era.

  • Zoot@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Go back in time and tell myself that I need to go to an in-state college instead of taking out so many private loans for out of state tuition.

  • ScottyShines@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Id take all my savings with me, go back 20 years or so and dump them all into an RSP. Should have started years ago.

  • Illecors@lemmy.cafe
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    1 year ago

    Fact check a bunch of historical things.

    Would probably (read: definitely) ensure that I have a PC that is not described as an absolute pos in 2009, when I first heard of bitcoin and gave up because it just wouldn’t run.

    • davidgro@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Just spend $100 on 1000 bitcoins when they were 10¢ each, then sell at $60k each. It’s what I would do with a time machine.

      • Illecors@lemmy.cafe
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        1 year ago

        Nah, that’s not me. Mining would definitely be what I would do. Truly mint coins, fresh out of the oven!