Have any queer vibes to share? Here’s your place! 
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
No cishets allowed! 
Have any queer vibes to share? Here’s your place!
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
No cishets allowed!
I’m still in contact with and regularly see a lot of old friends from childhood (we all grew up in the same neighborhood and most of us still live there). I came out to them as trans earlier this year and they’ve all been very accepting of me. They refer to me by my new name and pronouns. Most of them are cishet men, a couple of them are queer or non-binary.
Despite their acceptance I feel like I am becoming more distant from them by the day. They haven’t really done anything wrong… but I just feel like I’ve been masking and pretending to be a different person my whole life and that’s the person they’ve grown to know. And when I see them I feel a sort of reflex to act like that person again. It’s a bit traumatizing and it sucks because I still love a lot of them but sometimes I just don’t know if I can be with them.
I can fully understand how you feel on this. While my friend group as a young girl was undoubtedly smaller, I just don’t feel right interacting with those friends from back then. Even if they outwardly accept me, I can’t help but feel that deep down they don’t. Especially from my own family. Though they do shit that shows that they don’t accept me. It might be subconscious or they might not understand that it’s hurtful, but that don’t stop them.
Like recently I came to figure out who I actually was without any influence from outside sources. I finally realized how I came to cowtow to expectations of a boy that’s not a boy when I was younger. When I emptied my head of all preconceptions and asked myself “What do I like?”, I realized that most of my answers did not line up with what I actively did when I was younger or even currently.
I know this is verbose, but what I’m getting at is that I know if I interacted with them that I wouldn’t act genuinely. Cause the person they knew is not who I actually am, but a persona that I simply didn’t know I was wearing for most of my life.
Thanks for writing this, it really captures a lot of what I’m feeling. I think I need to get out of this fucking city
My oldest friend from grade 6 turned into a elon musk loving strict binary gender guy, it sucks. I never came out to him, we’ve just stopped talking (I used to call him a couple times a month when we went to different colleges cause I’m a secret old person) we’ve even stopped texting. We went through a whole lot together and it hurts to think what he’d figure of me after a couple years of HRT and transitioning.