Idk, I rarely see someone disappointed at a gender reveal party. “Aw? Pink smoke? Sucks to you be you, shitbag” is not the standard response to someone hosting a big party in celebration of their next kid.
Admittedly, I don’t typically associate with families that think they are the next House of Windsor and needed a suitable number of male heirs to maintain the dynasty. So maybe you really do get people throwing little temper tantrums because they didn’t get the gender of child they wanted. But it has mostly seemed like an excuse to make a loud bang noise, release some colored smoke and confetti, and clap without any real consideration for what the gender will be.
oh i definitely hear people being disappointed. a coworker was ranting about his niece’s gender disappointing him! not even for like, rich person reasons. just gender essentialism, like pure “i wanted to be a cool uncle to a boy and that’s been stolen from me” type entitlement
like i cannot emphasize enough this is just because many people view children as basically accessories whose gender is only important as an aesthetic they want. they want to raise a boy because they’d like to paint their kids room blue and play baseball or a girl because they want to paint a room pink and watch disney princess movies. zero actual consideration for children as beings that could have any thoughts on things
…i mean even a baby has thoughts, and it’s not good to just treat them like a dressup doll. and it only takes a few years for them to talk and at that point it’s even more fucked up to treat them like that, which is what’s being discussed here
like, i don’t think we should just let a 5 year old kid do literally anything they want, but coming into a conversation about how oppressive gender roles and other things we dump on kids can be when parents don’t treat them with any amount of respect and going “i totally get why the parents do that, i do that to my kid!” is maybe not the best. like, if you watched a movie with your kid and they said they hated it would you just go “no you don’t, let’s watch more like it,” or would you believe them when they tell you what they do and don’t enjoy? or if you made your kid do ballet or some shit. kids have agency, even at incredibly young ages. you need to respect it
one of my coworkers talks constantly about how he wishes one of his daughters was a son and how he’s always cajoling his wife into bearing him another child so he can get his matching set
he’s always cajoling his wife into bearing him another child so he can get his matching set
I’ve heard this sentiment before. I’ve even heard of folks doing IVF just to guarantee gender.
But that tends to be a separate phenomena from the Gender Reveal Party, which is more about making a spectacle of the reveal than being invested in the outcome.
definitely a different angle but i see it all as broadly related phenomena, like it’s all rooted in a weird and very disconcerting obsession with one’s child-accessory embodying all the things one associates with that gender rather than letting the child be their own person. the gender reveal is just announcing all of that to the world in a super obnoxious way and i do think if you’re motivated to do that then at least one of the parents is invested in that outcome
like it’s all rooted in a weird and very disconcerting obsession with one’s child-accessory embodying all the things one associates with that gender rather than letting the child be their own person
I mean, pre-natal they absolutely aren’t their own person. There’s an umbilical cord to prove it.
I agree that investing someone with gender from day one is this bad seed that’ll threaten to bare poisoned fruit. But also… idk. Objecting to people throwing a gender themed baby shower just has the energy of those conservatives who freaked out at Starbucks for saying “Happy Holidays” or the MRAs who will throw a fit over a Bris.
The kids are going to experiment with gender regardless of what color smoke their parents use in their thermite explosives. Other than injecting a checky “and if they don’t like it, they can always change it later” remark after the colors show, it seems a rough place to take a stand.
i do think if you’re motivated to do that then at least one of the parents is invested in that outcome
Some folks just want to celebrate everything. Some folks just want to fit in. It’s a trend and it’s an excuse to eat tacky themed cakes, so people will go for it regardless.
I definitely think there’s a desire to bond with a kid who shares your gender. But that’s not something the presence or absence of an ostentatious display decides.
a gender reveal party for a baby may not determine all of these things in some yes/no binary fashion but i think it’s a little weird to imply that people explosively celebrating their new infant’s baby bits are not in any way invested in it. gender reveal parties are obviously not the genesis of gendered expectations in society but it’s certainly building on those foundations. i’m not pretending to have all the answers and maybe i, a trans woman, am just being identical to a men’s rights activist, idk. in any event, im a person on the internet so you don’t have to worry about me criminalizing the practice any time soon.
Idk, I rarely see someone disappointed at a gender reveal party. “Aw? Pink smoke? Sucks to you be you, shitbag” is not the standard response to someone hosting a big party in celebration of their next kid.
Admittedly, I don’t typically associate with families that think they are the next House of Windsor and needed a suitable number of male heirs to maintain the dynasty. So maybe you really do get people throwing little temper tantrums because they didn’t get the gender of child they wanted. But it has mostly seemed like an excuse to make a loud bang noise, release some colored smoke and confetti, and clap without any real consideration for what the gender will be.
oh i definitely hear people being disappointed. a coworker was ranting about his niece’s gender disappointing him! not even for like, rich person reasons. just gender essentialism, like pure “i wanted to be a cool uncle to a boy and that’s been stolen from me” type entitlement
like i cannot emphasize enough this is just because many people view children as basically accessories whose gender is only important as an aesthetic they want. they want to raise a boy because they’d like to paint their kids room blue and play baseball or a girl because they want to paint a room pink and watch disney princess movies. zero actual consideration for children as beings that could have any thoughts on things
It is impossible to be a cool uncle to your niece
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…i mean even a baby has thoughts, and it’s not good to just treat them like a dressup doll. and it only takes a few years for them to talk and at that point it’s even more fucked up to treat them like that, which is what’s being discussed here
like, i don’t think we should just let a 5 year old kid do literally anything they want, but coming into a conversation about how oppressive gender roles and other things we dump on kids can be when parents don’t treat them with any amount of respect and going “i totally get why the parents do that, i do that to my kid!” is maybe not the best. like, if you watched a movie with your kid and they said they hated it would you just go “no you don’t, let’s watch more like it,” or would you believe them when they tell you what they do and don’t enjoy? or if you made your kid do ballet or some shit. kids have agency, even at incredibly young ages. you need to respect it
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one of my coworkers talks constantly about how he wishes one of his daughters was a son and how he’s always cajoling his wife into bearing him another child so he can get his matching set
We can make it happen. We have the technology.
I’ve heard this sentiment before. I’ve even heard of folks doing IVF just to guarantee gender.
But that tends to be a separate phenomena from the Gender Reveal Party, which is more about making a spectacle of the reveal than being invested in the outcome.
definitely a different angle but i see it all as broadly related phenomena, like it’s all rooted in a weird and very disconcerting obsession with one’s child-accessory embodying all the things one associates with that gender rather than letting the child be their own person. the gender reveal is just announcing all of that to the world in a super obnoxious way and i do think if you’re motivated to do that then at least one of the parents is invested in that outcome
I mean, pre-natal they absolutely aren’t their own person. There’s an umbilical cord to prove it.
I agree that investing someone with gender from day one is this bad seed that’ll threaten to bare poisoned fruit. But also… idk. Objecting to people throwing a gender themed baby shower just has the energy of those conservatives who freaked out at Starbucks for saying “Happy Holidays” or the MRAs who will throw a fit over a Bris.
The kids are going to experiment with gender regardless of what color smoke their parents use in their thermite explosives. Other than injecting a checky “and if they don’t like it, they can always change it later” remark after the colors show, it seems a rough place to take a stand.
Some folks just want to celebrate everything. Some folks just want to fit in. It’s a trend and it’s an excuse to eat tacky themed cakes, so people will go for it regardless.
I definitely think there’s a desire to bond with a kid who shares your gender. But that’s not something the presence or absence of an ostentatious display decides.
a gender reveal party for a baby may not determine all of these things in some yes/no binary fashion but i think it’s a little weird to imply that people explosively celebrating their new infant’s baby bits are not in any way invested in it. gender reveal parties are obviously not the genesis of gendered expectations in society but it’s certainly building on those foundations. i’m not pretending to have all the answers and maybe i, a trans woman, am just being identical to a men’s rights activist, idk. in any event, im a person on the internet so you don’t have to worry about me criminalizing the practice any time soon.