I feel like I can only allow myself a certain level of femininity based on how much I think others perceive me as passing.
The idea of people looking at me and seeing a crossdressing dude fills me with a dread I can’t describe.
My gf would probably say I just have really bad dsyohoria and dysmorphia and I’d like to believe that, but I can’t shake the notion that I am fundamentally ugly.
Right now I’m at the slightly fem hair and yoga pants stage, incase you were wondering.
I just live in a state of ignorance for how much I do or don’t pass for the most part because it’s more bareable than potentially confirming my worst fears.
Some day I will have to, but idk when that will be.
I’ll add to what Ash said… in regards to passing, try not to dwell when you go out, most people don’t give a shit they’re too busy with their own shit. And realistically most people if they do think anything or clock you as anything they’ll just think you’re trans…
Being clocked as trans isn’t the end of the world. If anything it is another day out as yourself.
I don’t know how to say this without coming off as like…internally transphobic or shallow, but I wouldn’t mind the idea of being clocked as trans as much if I could be sure it was in a like “that person is trans, but still cute” way and not a “that’s a man in a dress who I tolerate out of politeness” way.
Only you think you look like a man in a dress, I bet your GF doesn’t think so… And here’s the rub, with how common Trans is in the headlines and how Visible being trans is in general, the majority of people will assume you’re trans… Not a crossdresser or much else.
Also visibly trans people are cute all the time… even short haired freshly out eggs can be cute and pretty!
At that point those people are nothing and not worth worrying about.
Eventually you have to be willing to accept that not everyone is going to accept you but that shouldn’t keep you from going out as you. For all you know, people will accept you it’s more the fear of not, keeping you withdrawn.
I do understand how you feel, I knew for years I was trans and waited and waited. I grew up with lots of abuse from within my household and at school. And it took until my mid 30s and being at my lowest point before I could finally transition…
How has it been when you go out at this stage? Also fwiw it can be hard to tell when or if or how much you pas, 'cause everyone’s perspective is all subjective and shit.
Which depends on a lot of stuff, like where you live, your race/ethnicity, height even… can’t act like that’s an irrational fear. You can only know if you try though, right? And you have your gf for support?
I feel like I can only allow myself a certain level of femininity based on how much I think others perceive me as passing.
The idea of people looking at me and seeing a crossdressing dude fills me with a dread I can’t describe.
My gf would probably say I just have really bad dsyohoria and dysmorphia and I’d like to believe that, but I can’t shake the notion that I am fundamentally ugly.
Right now I’m at the slightly fem hair and yoga pants stage, incase you were wondering.
I felt this for a really long time
I just live in a state of ignorance for how much I do or don’t pass for the most part because it’s more bareable than potentially confirming my worst fears.
Some day I will have to, but idk when that will be.
I don’t pass. I won’t ever pass.
To me, it’s more about communicating visually and through mannerisms how you want to be treated. Or outright telling someone.
I don’t think people “tolerate” gendering you correctly. Many people are just happy to do that
:yea:
I don’t consider this a bad thing
Just is what it is
Honestly still feel this sometimes except I know I’m hot
I wish I had that confidence
I’ll add to what Ash said… in regards to passing, try not to dwell when you go out, most people don’t give a shit they’re too busy with their own shit. And realistically most people if they do think anything or clock you as anything they’ll just think you’re trans… Being clocked as trans isn’t the end of the world. If anything it is another day out as yourself.
I don’t know how to say this without coming off as like…internally transphobic or shallow, but I wouldn’t mind the idea of being clocked as trans as much if I could be sure it was in a like “that person is trans, but still cute” way and not a “that’s a man in a dress who I tolerate out of politeness” way.
Only you think you look like a man in a dress, I bet your GF doesn’t think so… And here’s the rub, with how common Trans is in the headlines and how Visible being trans is in general, the majority of people will assume you’re trans… Not a crossdresser or much else. Also visibly trans people are cute all the time… even short haired freshly out eggs can be cute and pretty!
but how many people fundamentally view trans women as “men in dresses” even if they support them?
At that point those people are nothing and not worth worrying about. Eventually you have to be willing to accept that not everyone is going to accept you but that shouldn’t keep you from going out as you. For all you know, people will accept you it’s more the fear of not, keeping you withdrawn.
I’m not so sure
I do understand how you feel, I knew for years I was trans and waited and waited. I grew up with lots of abuse from within my household and at school. And it took until my mid 30s and being at my lowest point before I could finally transition…
How has it been when you go out at this stage? Also fwiw it can be hard to tell when or if or how much you pas, 'cause everyone’s perspective is all subjective and shit.
Also your gf is probably right
I feel nervous like someone is gonna call me a slur or punch me or at the very least think bad things about me.
Which depends on a lot of stuff, like where you live, your race/ethnicity, height even… can’t act like that’s an irrational fear. You can only know if you try though, right? And you have your gf for support?
She lives in the UK
Fugg
It would be good to be with somebody you know the first time you go out, I was with my gf at the time…
Uncritical support to this LDR though!!! LDRs are Worth It!!!
LDRs are cool, we were one ^^
I agree :> I feel like I’m such a weirdo and particular about who I like that if they happen to be an ocean away, so be it haha
Real
I lived in Ireland