hi so i forgot to message the person who was next (sorry HelltakerHomosexual) so i’m just gonna talk about a thing i like
Shadow the Hedgehog is a character that appears in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Characterized by his sharp wit and strong sense of purpose, Shadow is a recurrent arch-rival of Sonic the Hedgehog, whom he resembles and shares many abilities. He is a major supporter of trans people, as evidenced by his catchphrase, “Trans people are cool!”
^ this is all from the wiki btw
I like Shadow a lot. His first appearance in the series is in a game where him and Sonic are both fighting the government and destroying these multi-million dollar gunships. Sonic is doing it because he loves communism but Shadow is doing it because he has a blood feud against G.U.N., who are like the global government death squads because they killed this girl, Maria, who he was best friends with.
Maria basically had an incurable illness that Eggman’s grandpa was trying to cure by creating an immortal lifeform, which is actually how Shadow was born. Also, Shadow has a copy of Maria’s soul I guess? Seriously, look it up. I’m reading all this shit for the first time right now and that sounds kinda trans to me.
Anyway, she gets shot by the troops and despite Maria telling Shadow to be normal and happy, Eggman’s grandpa is pissed off about it so he starts psyopping Shadow into wanting to kill everyone on Earth. Eggman’s grandpa successfully does the psyop and locks Shadow away until Eggman finds and releases him.
With his newfound power, Shadow starts being evil and helping Eggman find the Chaos Emeralds because he sees him piss on the moon or something. This goes on for a while until he gets back on the space station and remembers what Maria said, deciding to finally be normal and happy.
He switches up, goes Hyper Shadow and helps Sonic defeat the Biolizard which is basically what it sounds like: a giant lizard who wears the space station like a little jacket and shoots lasers from his mouth. Also, that thing was the prototype Ultimate Lifeform before they decided on the optimal form of existence: a little bipedal anthro hedgehog.
So they beat this lizard up, I guess it dies and then the space station is hurtling toward the Earth. Shadow takes a Chaos Emerald and, with the help of Sonic, does one last Chaos Control on the space station, returning it to a stable altitude. Sonic finds himself back on the space station as he flies into the atmosphere. After this, a big semi-translucent Shadow appears on top of the Earth and everyone can see it.
Why would I lie about that? Here it is.
Anyway, a bunch of shit happens after that but I don’t care about it. If someone else wants to talk about Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) feel free. What I really wrote this out to justify talking about is the moon in Sonic games. Like I said before, the moon gets pissed on and destroyed with the help of Shadow,
and then in the next game it’s just fine but evil now(???)
and after THAT it’s not evil anymore but it’s fully intact:
What the fuck? Why? How? I watched it get blown up. Who put the moon back together? Anyway, we’re getting in the weeds here. Welcome to the mega.
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hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i’ll add you to the list!
the list as it stands:
Hestia (11/25 - 12/1) SwitchyWitchyandBitchy (12/2 - 12/8) HelltakerHomosexual* (12/9 - 12/15) GayTuckerCarlson* (12/16 - 12/22) AshenWolf* (12/23 - 12/29) Eco* (12/30 - 1/5) oscardejarjayes* (1/6 (The Darkest Day in Our Democracy.) - 1/12) EstraDoll (3/2 - 3/8) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
If I could be stuck on the end, that would be nice
for sure!
OOH, as of right now, my week covers His birthday
I can take a week.
perfect :) got you on
Perfect I’ll try to come up with something good :)
I suppose it’s about time I come up with one. Throw me on the list please.
ok! are you good to do next week’s?
Ya, got a topic figured out for it already
ok perf
Ah, thank you for changing my username!
Congrats on the new name and officially joining team agender!
Don’t forget to submit the weekly documents to prove you’ve been following the strict non-gender rules to the committee tomorrow /j
Fae cannot be tied down with paperwork because ze is on the gender carousel, and xie won’t be stopped!
I AM TOO POWERFUL :spirit-bomb:
(there are documents? Oh dear, I haven’t filled them out yet…)
You haven’t filed your form 404b yet? And with a wolf username, you might need to also file a 621k
you’re welcome! i read your post, congrats on figuring stuff out :)
Got the passport application turned in. Was nervous about the postal clerk saying something about the gender marker change, but he was nice and didn’t even mention it. The process was fast, although it was a bit expensive. I opted for the expediated service to ensure that it’s processed within the next couple of weeks.
still alive
dysphoria
shortening this to say I have a profound and all encompassing hatred of having a vagina. every day is another layer of sanity peeled back. I’m so worn out
Im sad, can’t play games with my person tonight
gotta study gotta get going
things are hard
genuinely been so happy the past few weeks. i think there’s a reason why…
Is it because of the peepee?
omg. how dare you
One of my partners just broke up with their abusive other partner which yippee but also auuuughhghhhggg
log into pharmacy web portal
about to schedule a vaccination
computer asks for my sex assigned at birth
ask it whether it really needs that or if it’s social hegemony of meanings
it doesn’t understand
explain the difference between real mechanisms and false associations
it pulls up a pop-up and says it’s relevant
read the pop-up
it’s societal hegemony of meanings imposing false associations even when mechanism is well known
so yeah, afab then. idiotic, unscientific liberal “science”
It turns out science and an entirely vibes based way of interacting with the world do not go well together.
My facial piercings are so rad but they give me hella anxiety ab finding a job sometimes
Ah… i actually counted them… I have quite a lot
With the ones I was planning on I’ll have 10+
I have nooooo idea what I’m going to do for work when I move
probably the 'bucks?
diagnosed with the world’s biggest sad and lonely right now
EDIT: i posted this and got evicted like 30 minutes later LMAO
jesus christ i hate landlords, sending so much love to you comradei posted this and got evicted like 30 minutes later LMAO
Holy shit, what happened? Didn’t you move back in with your parents?
i posted this and got evicted like 30 minutes later LMAO
Holy shit, what happened? Didn’t you move back in with your parents?
no, i didn’t, but i’m about to at this rate
should have been more cruel to landlordsMao shouldn’t have stopped at Tibet
Removed by mod
- I’ve been fighting the lonely too, hope it gets better for you.
I will never forgive Sonic Team for turning Shadow into a G.U.N. agent in Sonic 06.
And to think Sonic fans are trying to rehabilitate that game. Sonic fans are waaaay to forgiving of this series.
Anyway, call me a boomer, but Sonic Adventure 2 was the last decent 3D Sonic game. Even then the Adventure games had a lot of problems, but at least they still felt like Sonic games.
A lot of it had to do with Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) plus some dummied out lines of 06
spoiler
Shadow makes up with GUN’s head honcho who turns out was Maria’s idk “she was like a sister to me” it’s odd and main game you can sort of make peace with him. Not until expert mode where you finally bury the hatchet and he asks you to attend his granddaughters wedding. It’s actually quite touching but something I doubt most people would know since you gotta get all 71 A ranks to unlock in that game. Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) also really was about shadow burying the past when at the end he discards his photo of Maria and Gerlad.
Dummied out line from 06 was shadow heading there as a favor to the pres but idk seems to me it was more looking into Rouge and if she was ok.
Modern day GUN is gone and I hear forces has to do with that but I’ve no clue if I’ll get to that game or not. 06 is great, it is probably the best continuation of shadows story possibly finishing it but then shadow gens came out so idk
I didn’t even like Adventure 2 because it didn’t have open world segments like Adventure 1 lol
i agree about last good 3d game until like the 2010s
Heroes slander
Is that the one where you make your own OC?
I never even played either lmao but that’s Forces
Heroes is the one where you play as a team of 3 characters
(I used to watch LPs)
Oh, being able to make your own OC seems pretty genius for the sonic fandom
it was AMAZING and NOBODY UNDERSTANDS
there is a SONG ABOUT FRIENDSHIP sung by the GUY FROM HOOBASTANK
heroes stinks
settle down little puppy
did the achievement for only using the gravity gun in ravenholm. valve is so good. shooting saw blades at zombies never gets boring
oh this brings me back … i was so scared in that chapter but also the sawblades were so good too
Wanted to get ahead of the rumors spreading about me and it’s true I am both really hot and have massive rizz. The shy insecure virgin thing was all an act apparently sorry for fooling everyone myself included.
fr tho some weird chisme about me being a player at work startedOn further reflection it’s my bass pro shop hat that is giving off this vibe for me I know it
They heard you were getting all the shadow the hedgehog endings
I already got all the routes this year I just doing it again because I love shadow the hedgehog (2005) that and to try out reloaded 1.2 Fr though I doubt my small interest would interest anyone.
Just remembering when I first found this site and set my pronouns the way they are for “”““opsec reasons””“” lmao
I have since… transed my gender? Woke dogs (profile pic is… related somehow but not the obvious way) don’t have genders, except when they do ofc. [Laws of non-contradiction and the excluded middle] fans SEETHING
Down with cis
No no no, I’m using they/them pronouns for opsec, I’m not trans or anything!
(I did this too)
My bio (when I made my account/picked they/them) was originally something like “cishet, just liking gender neutral pronouns lately”, what a silly goose.
I spent two years avoiding using pronouns elsewhere on the internet because I didn’t think I was trans and that it would trivialize others’ use of them. Before that I worried a little bit about being asked my pronouns IRL because I wouldn’t know how to answer, but never even considered why that would be something I’d be unsure about.
Thoughts that every cis person surely has, right? 😉
cw: dysphoria
Seeing new therapist recently, he is quite cis, maybe slightly brainwormed but wtf… he’s actually quite good… got me to come out and admit I’m just boymoding wtf (even saying that rn feels so fucking fake and wrong for some reason but then why did it feel so good to just say it ;w;). I couldn’t tell him my non-deadname when he asked, maybe next time
I have never cried or felt like I could be actually be vulnerable or perfectly honest before when I was seeing therapists :(
Somehow it’s normal for me, so normal I don’t even notice it a lot of the time, that I have an immense amount of shame and guilt and self-hatred for just existing ;w;
The only thing I hate more than myself is this sick, disgusting society for making me be so broken inside (I would also like to thank my dad for the part he played as well even if he’s also broken inside, very well done, very nice, keep it up)
Can people come back from this or is it joever for me? Genuinely asking cuz I can’t imagine ever not being destroyed by self-hatred and shame and just living openly as whatever the fuck I am cuz idk where these feelings even came from
DEATH TO AMERICA, UNLIMITED, INFINITELY VARIED DESTRUCTION ON THE BURGERREICH FOR CAUSING THE UNENDING SUFFERING OF BILLIONS OF PEOPLE
spoiler
I felt very similar to you a few years ago. Was very depressed and did not feel like I could ever get better. Felt like I was broken in many ways and just overal a dysfunctional person.
Learned through therapy that those feelings came through trauma, and that they’re not normal. I used to cope by distracting myself always (still do to some degree), either through work, college or rotting in bed watching slop. Had to be in bed a lot of the time because the energy it took to ignore my trauma and negativity thoughts was a lot.
Through therapy I’m still untangling the mess of multiple sources of trauma and I think I’m nearing the end stage of that, because a lot of my bad habits and negative feelings have a very clear source now. Knowing the source of a negative feeling makes it much easier to not take serious.
For example, I have a big problem with guilt, the smallest source of guilt would make me spiral. Now that I know why guilt makes me feel so incredibly bad, I know that it’s not because of the small thing I did wrong, but because of a trauma response that makes me feel all the bad feelings I felt as a kid. It’s easier to accept that the feeling is there when the source is so clear, and I know now that I don’t really have to address it and can just wait till it’s over.
Now that I don’t constantly get bombarded with very strong negative feelings without a clear source, I feel a lot more at rest which gives me confidence that I can now work on changing some of my bad habits that I used for coping.
Like I truly never believed I could be happy with myself and feel some kind of inner peace but now I am and I do a lot of the time. And when I don’t then I know it’s because I didn’t sleep well for a while or because I’m stressed about something and know that I’ll get the feeling back after a while.
There are people who have very different experiences with therapy than me so I won’t say it’s a definite ‘cure’ but there are a lot of people who have at least felt some relief through therapy and the issues you mention make you a good candidate for it.
You won’t be what you’re thinking of, but you can put the pieces back together, on a spectrum from kintsugi to ikeahacking
Which isn’t always more fun than just being broken, but sometimes it is.
you can heal from trauma. i know it’s hard as shit and it’s a long road but it’s important to remind yourself of that i think. you can heal. you will feel better than this
Mood
Have little words rn cuz I am crying ;w;
There must be a way right? For years I couldn’t even recognize these feelings are what they are until recently… that has to be progress toward a something
I think there is a way… recognizing the feelings is such a huge step and some people never get to the stage you’re at. I am just a broken person out somewhere on the internet trying to figure it all out too, but I do feel confident that you can get through this despite all of the society and the familial factors that made you this way, because I used to struggle with self-hatred & shame a lot in the past too and I’m still alive and I think I’ve made a lot of progress. Today I feel joy and proud of who I am, which are not things I could have felt years ago. I refuse to believe it’s joever for anyone, because I believed the same things back then.
I hope you’re right
because I used to struggle with self-hatred & shame a lot in the past too and I’m still alive and I think I’ve made a lot of progress. Today I feel joy and proud of who I am, which are not things I could have felt years ago.
Am really really glad, living with this stuff is not only agonizing and unhealthy but… in the end, completely unnecessary
I refuse to believe it’s joever for anyone, because I believed the same things back then.
Same tbh, is weird how little kindness I show to myself. Like I see so many happy people who reject the shame and self-hatred brainworms and refuse to repress themselves anymore (at least when it’s physically safe). Not even just trans people but also autistic people and LGBT people of all kinds and even just… (this is probably more important to me than it should be) furries or therians. I’m more open than to anyone else than my friends who are part of all of the aforementioned groups in some combination yet I still live with this cop-wolf in my head that won’t let me just… be myself all the time without asking for forgiveness ;w;
Feel a little better after crying, just feel rly exhausted now. I wanna write more cuz your response means a lot to me but I gotta go rest now, posting energy depleted
I hope that you can rest and feel better soon. I’m usually lurking around here these days so feel free to respond whenever you would like, no pressure :)
CW mentions of self-harm
Am really really glad, living with this stuff is not only agonizing and unhealthy but… in the end, completely unnecessary
I think this is such a big step tbh - if I had to (in my completely unprofessional opinion) sketch out how I think this stuff went for me, I think it’d be like this:
- Self-hatred and shame and guilt. People tell me to stop apologizing, or take advantage. I’m totally oblivious.
- I realize that I am like this, and that it’s destroying my life. “This is water” moment. At this point though, I believe that I need the self-hatred to function.
- Somewhere in here, I realize that maybe I don’t “need” to be this way? Maybe there’s a version of me that can exist without it?
- And after that … I start to make little changes. Instead of hitting myself when I’m having a meltdown, I hug myself and rock a little bit instead… I try to give the kind voice in my mind more space, let them start to provide counter-narratives to the hateful parts I had internalized. At first, it’s really hard.
- Over a period of time, I start to be kinder and kinder to myself. Eventually, I realize that the parts of me that were hateful have quieted down - either they vocalize themselves less hurtful ways, or maybe just that self-indulgent SH drive (for me it was a bit of a malicious thing) just went away because I started to believe what kind people told me.
I still apologize a lot. It’s tough, I’m seeing a therapist about various things like autism and relationships and other stuff, but I feel like I’m in a better place than I was two months ago. I too had the experience of this therapist being the first one that I actually got anything out of - previous ones I would just talk to, completely masked, it was such a waste of money…
