Back again with these threads! For all the new folks, this is a safe space to tell us about anything cool you have going on, anything you want to vent about, and everything in between.

Remember, you are loved stalin-heart

Things have been up and down for me. In a glum mood today. Been hanging out with someone new, and that’s been nice, I’m just not sure if I really want to keep it up. Home life is…fine, I guess. Still living with my ex, they’re gonna give things until the end of the year to see if their career picks up any, and if not, they’ll move home. That said, they’ve been talking about that for years, so I’ll believe it when I see it. They broke down and finally yelled at me for the first time a few nights ago, so I silently carved a pumpkin and then just stayed over with the person I’ve been seeing. As nice as the couch I live on is, it was nice to sleep in a bed for a night or two this past week.

Job front is slow moving, but I had a promising interview last Wednesday. Was supposed to hear back Thurday afternoon or Friday, but even with a followup email I sent, no reply. Fingers crossed I guess.

I deleted a few of my dating apps, still have a small amount installed. A Maoist actually hollered at me this morning and wants to take me to an arcade. Not sure I have the energy though. Other people are asking me for dates, but I’m just…not replying. I should go do that now so I don’t leave them hanging.

On a brighter note, 9 day tour coming up in 2 weeks, so that’s cool! Without giving away too much (y’all know my band anyways and have seen my face), I’ll be going around the midwest. We’ve been doing well on selling merch the past few months, so that money should be sufficient to cover the tour. Also, we’ll have a roadie for the first time!

I’ll end it here I guess. Hope all my comrades are well, and I love you! meow-hug

  • bigboopballs [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    don’t have any friends. haven’t had IRL people to hang out with for about 17 years when I was still in high-school.

    tired of being completely passed up on dating sites because I am boring and can’t make an “intersting” dating site profile because no life/hobbies. idc if it’s real relationship to a fling or FWB or whatever, I’d take anything, but I’ve never had anything at all and I’m 33 fuckin years old

    there is nowhere to even go if I had the money or ability to get there. I don’t have a car and it takes me 30 minutes to walk to the nearest anything – and those anythings are just a handful of grocery stores and fastfood places, and I hate to say it, but I’m not going to make friends by trying to strike up conversations in the line to pay for groceries all day.

    wasting the prime years of my life trapped in this shitty suburb-without-a-city, trapped in small basement suite where I have to live with an abusive grandparent, and unable to even get a girlfriend or do anything with my fucking life besides wonder when I will be forced to get a job at fucking McDonald’s again

    don’t see much reason to not kill myself, even though I don’t feel bad enough to actually do that (yet). but I don’t see any other future happening for me. the only thing I have to potentially look forward to is the small chance that I will be able to get on disability for mental-illness like next year maybe (if at all).

    • UlyssesT [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      10 months ago

      Lawyer up if you want to win your case. That’s consistent and reliable advice I’ve heard over and over again from those that made it. You only have to pay them if you win.

      • bigboopballs [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        10 months ago

        It’s a provincial program (Canada), not an insurance thing, so lawyers can’t help me. Just need to jump through 3,000 hoops to convince a doctor to sign off on some paper work and hope that the Ministry of Human Repression will approve my claim.

  • GeorgeZBush [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    I hate my job and I’m really lonely.

    On the bright side I’ve been trying to be more…I dunno, present in my town? E.g. i went to a cafe and made brief small talk with the barista. Did the same with the person at the bookstore. I’m trying to hide myself less. Tired of spending all my non-work time in my room or walking by myself. I want to have spots I go to regularly. We’ll see if it pays off

  • BountifulEggnog [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    (cw) Not well. Probably going to fail the class I was taking. Sucks. I barely even tried. I hate being an adult. I do well, except when I have to actually function and be “productive”. Fuck me. Oh, and the sh urges are back. Fuck I’m pathetic. I feel like I’m drowning.

    For something positive, one of my snakes has started eating again so I’ll be able to keep it. The long hunger strike really scared me, I thought I was going to have to get rid of her too.

  • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    Yay for tour! Boo for living with ex’s! Yay for interviews! Boo for lack of energy to hang with people! I hope the tour is soooo good

    I would totally do the dating app thing but just for friends then flake on literally every person I talked to…it sucked and I felt horrible every time but it’s so hard to person for me nowadays.

    I still have covid and am even more contagious now than I was four days ago even though I’m much less sick feeling. I’m very pissed about this because I’m missing this band tonight and it’s like the first time I’ve wanted to go to a show in a while. That said I’m looking for movie recommendations while I’m caged up.

    My housemate went on a camping trip and it’s so nice to not have to be stuck in my room laying in bed (literally) for 5 days straight. I can’t wait til he moves out, I cannot stand living with the majority of people now and he is no exception.

    That said all this inside time from being extremely depressed and now sick is making me very excited to finally go outside and ride my bike and get back into going to shows…we will see if that happens lol

      • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        10 months ago

        Nothing in particular, I’m kind of all over the place with my taste. Some films I love are Rushmore, Breakfast Club, Goodfellas, Perfect Blue, Hereditary, Friday the 13th, The Fugitive…weird and corny is kinda the theme but I’ll watch most thing besides fucking Marvel movies

          • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.net
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            10 months ago

            Fuckin love horror movies! Especially 70’s 80’s, but of course. I usually try to watch one a night all through October until they start infiltrating my dreams

              • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.net
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                10 months ago

                Oh nooo! Yeah, they certainly aren’t for everyone. Especially newer ones, special effects and CG stuff has come so far that a lot of the gore has become unsettling to me. I think that’s why I really like 70’s- early 90’s horror; it’s easier to separate from reality but even then movies like Hellraiser are fucked up. My dad had me watching horror movies and going to haunted houses at a really inappropriately young age so I think I developed an affinity that way…But it has also fucked me up immeasurably lol I get so scared being alone at night. What kinds of films do you like?

                • Pluto [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.net
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                  10 months ago

                  Yeah.

                  The, err, recent film The Color Out Of Space, based off of Lovecraft’s work, was good, don’t get me wrong… but intense!

                  I mean, yeesh! I got a sinking feeling after watching it.

                  It’s funny because I love horror games and horror settings in RPGs.

            • corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves]@hexbear.netOP
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              10 months ago

              I’m doing that 31 movies for October thing too! Except I started in August.

              Do you have Shudder? A lot of the stuff I’d recommend is there. Some really fun ones that come to me off the top of my head:

              Nomads - Pierce Brosnan vs Ghost Punks

              Possession (1981) - a bleak look at a failing marriage. Won’t say more, but it’s a pretty heavy watch, as great as it is.

              Hell House LLC - a haunted house company fixes up an abandoned hotel to turn it into a Halloween attraction. Hilarity ensues.

              Time of Moulting - Introverted child grows up with an obsession with her family’s old butchering tools. Psychological.

              Honey, You Wouldn’t Believe It - a group of friends sneak away for a fishing trip. Turns out the mob was hanging around the pond too, and are being hunted by a mysterious warrior with superhuman strength. Light hearted and fun af.

              What Josiah Saw - a fractured family reuintes at their farm. CW for this one moreso than usual, for

              spoiler

              incest

              Noonday Witch - a rare daytime horror movie about a widowed mother and her child adopting to their new life on their own.

              The Endless - there’s a cult that fucks with time loops.

      • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.net
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        10 months ago

        Thank you, it’s all good. There will be other great bands! Going to shows just used to be suuuuch a huge part of my life and moving/getting older has made it harder and harder and I’m getting a lot of FOMO

  • Owl [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    I got rejected in a really awful way at the start of the week. It left me feeling this unhinged excess energy all week (early on I felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin). I managed to put all that weird energy towards productive things. But some of those productive things included ramping up my workout routine, so now I have even more energy??

    I keep looking back at what I’ve done this week and thinking “That was only two days ago?” / “I did that?” / “Wow I handled that incredibly well.”

    So… feel mildly bad, way too much energy, making good decisions and being responsible. IDK. It’s a weird vibe.

  • PaX [comrade/them, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    Hii corgi!!

    This is my first time posting in one of these threads but I always read them and the love, solidarity, and support never fails to be refreshing.

    cw: drug use

    The few last months have been pretty bleak for me. Lost my job, apartment, car, and most hope lol. Have kinda been on a drug binge for the last few days. The fun is running out and coming off of this shit over the next few days will probably be hell. And I have a drug test in a week for a new job. I think I can still pass, though, cuz everything I’ve been doing are research chems. Well, hopefully cuz I really need money lol.

    I really don’t see a future where things will be okay for me. It’s okay though, I’m just along for the ride at this point. Maybe some capitalist will give me money for my projects at some point lol. Right now, still working, slowly, on my programming language. I am trying to create a kind of “dialectical logical” programming language where development of the state of the program is driven by relations and contradictions between objects in the program. I’ll make a post about it sometime when it’s in a presentable state.

    I hope you have a great tour! Getting really sleepy, gonna log off soon

    meow-hug