Have any queer vibes to share? Here’s your place! 
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
No cishets allowed! 
i finally have both letters needed to schedule surgery consults. that’s been a goddamn journey, but i’m feeling relieved today
I’m really frustrated by some of these girls in the group chat thing I’m in, I GET what they feel - I’ve been there I’ve felt it. I get feeling like being trans is the worst thing ever and you might never pass etc, but they’re actively hostile to commiseration and empathy and attribute like my limited success to pure genetics - I don’t do the advice thing cause that’s usually counter productive but Ill share that, yeah, Im frustrated with my voice toobut its still better than before I started and I pass occasionally. I swear it’s like they want to feel bad, oh theyve been training for 5 years and only pass a third of the time yadda yadda. I think being trans is the best thing that happened to me but they seem like they wanna wallow in it being a curse. All the things that suck about being trans are more about how society treats us and not being trans in itself - and there’s still really wonderful things about it regardless.
I feel ya on that, i hate that kind of self defeating bs as well.
Ew yeah, being trans is a gift and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else, despite the hardships
I slid out of the vast majority of trans(femme) spaces because they’re full of this and it was doing psychic damage to me. Genetics…
I just couldn’t stick it, I refuse to be actively negative about any of my idetities and actively try to root out internalised self hate, so always hearing what is basically trans doomerism? I got tiiiired.
Totally agree. I get that being trans is hard, but I could never imagine myself being a cis person and I wouldn’t want to be one anyway. I wouldn’t trade my transness for anything
I’m transfem but want the vibe of your uncle that smokes weed in the garage
Perfectly reasonable type of butch, go for it.
It’s nice when you can tell someone is really putting in effort to remember to use your new name and pronouns, but it’s really fucking nice to interact with people who don’t even need to try. You just tell them you’re a “she” and boom! You just are a she to them from then on.
My partner wants to start a commune and I’m going through all the ways it can go horribly wrong. It already kinda sucks bc they want to do more than just their immediate partners and it looks like I’m the only trans woman involved right now, which means it wouldn’t be safe for me to do it. It’s a shame :(
Exfoliated ✅️
Shaved ✅️
Lotioned ✅️
Comfy future milf shirt on ✅️It’s soft girl quiet night in prepping for night shifts time 😌
Receptionist at the clinic asked if I was getting cervical cancer screening and needed to book a pap smear, lol, nope I appreciate it but no gynecologist of any skill level will find a cervix in me, thanks for letting me know I pass though lmao
Well, things moved fast since the last time i commented; my relationship of 8 years is over, and Im moving back to my birth country, where i have no social circle outside my mother and uncle.
Im trying to find housing, which is like a hybrid of online dating and job searching, but i have to pay and theres no intimacy or sex. Plus queer housing is a requirement which restricts the housing opportunities a bit…
Im trying to keep my head up, but good god this is stressful. And i keep looking at surgeries (ffs, bottom, top) and crying cause ill never be able to afford it.
Went to a high school friend’s birthday party last night, presenting fully fem. This guy who used to be my friend in like elementary school was there. He didn’t recognize me at all and was trying to rizz me up, he asked what my name was, asked how I knew my friend who I came with (probably trying to see if I was his gf), kept looking at me while talking to my friends, and kept trying to find opportunities to like fist bump me so he could touch my hand
I’ll take this as a W but also not really because he was super drunk and gross and saying all this unhinged shit that should warrant him a
. At least my friends were all laughing at him thoughthigh highs of any variant really do hit those right fem vibes and still give me a bit of gender euphoria
This is your irregular unscheduled MEN’S SHIRTS POSTING, inspired by LARGE HOODIE POSTING
I may or may not be preaching to the converted here but initially when I came out, I burned my entire wardrobe and for the longest time had almost no men’s clothes anymore. Trouble is, I got really tired of how so many “women’s” tops are kind of garbage, too tight or uncomfortable, especially with autism/sensory difficulties. So after five or six years, I ended up grabbing a bunch of men’s tees from the thrift, in sizes ranging from Large to 4XL. I thought, what’s the worst that could happen?
Of course they are incredibly comfortable & highly durable! It’s been almost three years since I bought the initial round, and only one out of like five is in need of replacement. Of course they feel great to wear, being so loose, with most of them not even having tags (!!) and being made of a variety of cool materials.
Surprisingly though I also find that shit to be really gender affirming. This has been true of the few bits of men’s clothes I’ve gone back to, but after so long on moans, none of it fits me right anymore! The shoulders in all of the shirts seem to expect that I’m several inches wider than I actually am, my waist feels lost in this giant thing, and they’re not cut for boobs which is funny. And they’re so long they’re almost like skirt length! I feel like I’m inhabiting this huge goofy shirt the same way cis women usually would? Maybe a reductive way to look at it, but it’s been really cool seeing how I have changed by observing how I literally no longer fit certain clothes at all.
Win-win imo, huge fan, easy recommend, plus they’re cheap as hell.
Anyway the impetus for this post was that some of my internet friends are kind of baby trans, like less than two years, and are still in the “I won’t even wear boyshorts cause they have ‘boy’ in the name” phase. I get it, and maybe they’ll just be comfortable exclusively with feminine non-boy clothes forever which is fine too! I just wanted to pose the idea that wearing dude clothes can actually be affirming too, Idk.
I didn’t really know ahead of time but it is such a scam that we gotta pay so much more for so much less material and some of the weirdest fucking materials too for women’s clothes compared to the old cotton t shirts I had. Also, it was great just tossing everything into one pile in the washer and dryer and not giving a shit if they got wrecked instead of how carefully I gotta seperate now and what has to air dry, what’s gotta tumble dry, what’s allowed to just be dried. Scrubs are at least a little more durable and that’s mainly what I wear now anyway
Okay, reveal: if any of my clothes need to air or tumble dry, I don’t know about it, lmao. Seriously annoying and a huge scam…
Basically all clothes will last way longer if you hang dry them. Dryers are the real scam
deleted by creator
You can wash your bras in the washer!! Just let them air dry. Dryers WILL fuck up your clothes, that’s the main thing damaging them not really the washer. Just check the tag.
Got me a 3XL black hoodie that I practically disappear into.
Love my cultural traditional dress.
I have one of these too, I’m 5ft 3 and it makes me feel even smaller ^^ I’d recommend it to anyone as it can make you feel great
I printed DYSPHORIA on an oversized hoodie in the trans pride colours, it’s cute, it’s my literal dysphoria hoodie
Also it’s 10 days until I meet my partner’s mom, and she has once again forgotten or “forgotten” that I am trans. I think I’m just gonna ask the boy to not bring it up with her again and see how this goes.
I’ll be fine, mostly just worried that the bf will face Mom Homophobia (a very specific form of homophobia) for having a girlfriend.
Me: man I hate yaoi, fucking boykissers are always getting in my way
Mili: hydrangeas are calling my name bring me to a garden I’ve never seen
Me: god bless the yaoi nation
Queers rock
bruh i am not doing well. found the notes from surgery in the hospital patient portal and read through every step. cried at work, felt lost in a fog, and i feel so detached still
i said i would at least try to dilate regularly but every time i plan on it i fail. it’s probably been three weeks since i last dilated
Look, i get that this is painful for you and you need to vent, i understand and respect that, and i feel super fucking bad for posting this, but could you please put your future posts about this in spoiler tags? I’ve completely stopped posting on here about how i’m struggling through the approval process for my own surgery entirely out of consideration for you, and this happens to come at a time when the entire coverage of gender affirming surgeries through the public healthcare system in my country is under attack,
CW: discussion of gatekeeping, sui***idality, surgery, bottom dysphoria, legal struggles
while some of my friends are openly losing their will to live because they do not know if they can ever afford their surgeries and live dysphoria-free when they have to pay out of pocket for it, while my own case file is lost somewhere in a buerocratic limbo with the threat of termination looming overhead, and the best case scenario for me is that i will still have to wait for over a year until i get the genitals i need to live a dignified life, if it ever comes to that in the first place,
and then i have to see posts like this in a thread that should be a safe space for people in my situation. That’s just too fucking much. I can’t handle that any longer. It fucking hurts every time and it’s not getting better and nobody else is saying anything about this.
Once more, i can relate to your pain, and you have as much right as i do to share your story here. That’s valid and ok. I’m not denying that, i do not want to belittle or downplay your experience even when experiences like yours are actively instrumentalized to harm our community and me. That’s not your fault, not your intention and you shouldn’t receive any blame for that. I’m just saying that what you are posting is highly triggering material for many other trans folks for the reasons i’ve outlined above and you shouldn’t just put something like that out there without an appropriate warning.
even when experiences like yours are actively instrumentalized to harm my community and me
this is also my community, i’m not going to be curbing what i post. anyone else is welcome to post their experiences as well. there are many good outcomes with surgery and there is 1-2% that aren’t and are belittled and asked to be quiet by everyone. it’s not happening. why do you think i’m not in your community now? i’m still trans. i still take estrodial every day and i’ll still be trans when i (hopefully) get phallo one day. that doesn’t negate my identity or exclude me from the community
entirely out of consideration for you
also to add on, in no way am i bothered at all or have i ever asked for people to not post about getting surgery. i’m happy for people making progress and my heart breaks for people who are gatekept
I wasn’t asking you to “curb yourself”, i was opening up and trying to have a conversation about why your posts are nauseating and rage inducing to read for me and if you could set a spoiler tag. Didn’t expect a hexbear mod to react like that to a request like this, but i know where i’m at now, thanks a lot for that insight.
you were genuinely being transphobic to me in your response and you’re trying to moralize to me now. that’s pretty shitty
consider reading my edits and doing any self crit as to why you see me outside of the trans community
I’ve edited that part now. As far as i’m concerned you can leave the quote up unaltered so people understand our exchange or delete it, i don’t mind it either way. I get how hurtful that sentence is in your situation and i’m genuinely sorry i made that mistake. Because that’s what it was, a mistake. Not an expression of some transphobic belief that excludes people with regret over a transition step, because that’s not a belief i hold and i ask you to please take this in good faith, not because i want to get out of this but because i do not want you to walk away from this with the impression that somebody here is trying to invalidate you for your struggles. I was at no point trying to make that kind of statement, i used the wrong possessive pronoun in that one sentence because i was referring to my local community of people i know irl, in person, who live in my jurisdiction and face the same specific legal and medical situation as me. Not our global trans community of all trans people, but the specific people i’m personally in community and organizing with. THAT is the entire reason i originally wrote “my” instead of “our”. I’m not saying that to excuse the choice of words, it was wrong regardless, you’re absolutely justified in finding it exclusionary, it is guaranteed to come off like that on your end and once more, i am sorry for the pain that has caused you on an already shitty day. I really am. I just feel the need to clarify so this does not become more painful for both of us than it has already been.
Edit: To put this into context, i’ve spent half of the evening discussing a recent court order that could nullify cost coverage for any and all gender affirming care in my country, and if this gets through this could mean it gets nullified indefinitely because we’re about to slide headfirst into fascism again, i’ve had to talk a friend out of spiraling into sui***al ideation because he does not know how to get mastek when this gets through, i get anxiety attacks over never having the sex life that i want because of some transphobic judges because vaginoplasty will never be affordable to me if my insurance stops covering it, i get more thought spirals thinking about all of my friends and lovers who are not yet as deeply into in the entire inhumane gatekeeping ordeal as me and have much higher chances of being affected by this development than me. I realize in hindsight it was a really bad idea to go to another trans person who was having a probably much more distressing day and tell her to pay more mind to the problems of me and people around me when she already has way too much on her plate, but i could not keep what i wrote in my original post to myself. I just couldn’t. That was just too much for me, and i still have to leave that up.
I’ve been thinking about how to respond to this and, unfortunately, I really do think you see my struggle as lesser than trans people getting surgery for the first time. Even though I’m struggling to convince therapists to write me new letters for gender affirming surgery (working on a second letter now) and will struggle to find a surgeon willing to do phallo when I’ve already had vaginoplasty, that seems to be hurtful in some way? I don’t see the parallel at all between what you’re dealing with. I’m dealing with it too. I may not even convince the other therapist to write me a new letter. What then? I want to have sex again without using a strap on. I want to feel good in my body too. Why does that strike such a different chord than what you and your friends are going through?
I never said anywhere it strikes a different chord at all. You being able to get phallo is fundamentally the same struggle about healthcare and bodily autonomy every other trans person seeking gender affirming care goes through, i do not see a difference there, it’s all the same fight to inhabit a body that matches one’s gender identity. And that should never work along a predefined pathway of the “correct” way to transition or be misconstrued as having to fall within a binary, cisnormative, endonormative understanding of how bodies are supposed to look like within a gendered context. The states of our body and how we perceive them do not allow others to draw conclusions about our gender identity. That’s up for ourselves alone to decide, not for anybody else. I’m not denying any of these positions. My approach to trans, inter and nonbinary liberation is full acceptance of self identification and bodily autonomy, and that fully includes recognizing that people may change their mind about specific transition steps without that invalidating their gender identity and without voiding their future access to gender affirming care. A truly gatekeeping-free approach isn’t even possible without that part, without recognizing that in some cases, it’s necessary to try a certain step and then, afterwards, be able to correct it again in the unlikely case it didn’t work as intended or expected. That regret can happen should neither restrict access to gender affirming care nor sideline reconstructive treatments for people with regret. Regret should not be weaponized against you, it should not be weaponized against me, it should have no bearing on the care either of us receive. That isn’t what this is about.
The reason i asked you about using spoiler tags is the simple fact that issues regarding dysphoria / gender incongruence, body image etc. can routinely be difficult and painful to other trans people. This applies to all kinds of subjects and does not touch upon the validity of these feelings. It applies especially when these feelings resonate with the reader in some way - if your struggle was entirely unrelated to mine, how could it bother me to read about it? Why would that hurt me? Why would i care? Like i said upthread, i routinely spoiler my own dysphoria posts because i know from personal experience that kind of material can exacerbate dysphoric symptoms in other trans people and lead directly to painful dysphoric episodes. I don’t know if this is as bad for you as it is for me, we all react differently and have different strategies to handle these feelings, but back when i still used reddit, i had to unsub from entire trans subreddits because they worsened certain forms of dysphoria in me, to the point i had to talk it though with my therapist. But at the same time, trans people absolutely need to vent about such issues. For many of us, there are days where we just need to scream into the void how much we hate the parts of ourself that cause us pain. That’s perfectly normal, valid and necessary. From all i can tell,
CW NSFW stuff, bottom dysphoria, bodily functions
me getting nauseous when i feel my balls, me feeling anguish and frustration when i can’t be fingered when my friend is touching me, me feeling that my shaft shouldn’t exist and that my clit is sitting in the wrong place and that i can’t even pee in the right way
is not fundamentally different from what you experience post surgery. It just relates to having or not having certain parts and how these parts are arranged, but the feelings are fundamentally the same. That’s why your accounts get to me in the first place. For me, having to read about your surgery regret actively worsens my own bottom dysphoria in complex, roundabout, but very tangible ways. That does not mean your regret is wrong in any way, or that i want to prevent you from expressing it, it just means that it is distressing to me when it pops up out of the blue, that it had gotten to the point where i was mildly anxious to read through the weekly queer thread because of it, and that it was emotionally devastating to me when i came across it on thursday evening, after all i dealt with on that day. And my normal reaction to that is to just spoiler that stuff so that people can still post it freely whereas others can simply scroll past it without having to read it. To me, that’s a completely normal way to keep online trans communities safe and accessible for everybody, to give everyone the room we need. It’s in no way different from any other post about bottom dysphoria, i see it as perfectly normal practice to put a CW on all of these accounts.
If that’s not how you want to handle these things as a mod of this comm, that’s fine with me. I get that now. It’s just not what i would have expected here, i seriously thought that my request was completely within the ordinary and i’m sorry it still makes you feel hurt and belittled. I feel especially sorry that it ties so strongly into how you are treated in the medical system. I can relate way too well to that, i think many of us do, and i just wish i could reverse this entire exchange because of it. I should have thought twice before … no, that’s not right. I sat in front of that original post for almost an hour because i was unsure how to word it. I did not think twice about it, i mulled it over again and again, unsure how to approach it just like i’m unsure how to approach this post and i came to the wrong conclusion. I thought i could write that in a way that does not hurt you, and i was wrong about that. I hope i am right this time.
