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seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago

Amazon Fires Employee Who Tested Positive For Having Food In Their System

www.theonion.com

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Amazon Fires Employee Who Tested Positive For Having Food In Their System

www.theonion.com

seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago
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  • phorq@lemmy.ml
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    2 years ago

    That took me a dystopian amount of time to realize it was the onion…

    • NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      They got me too for a few moments.

    • Zaphod
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      2 years ago

      What’s a “dystopian amount of time”?

      • phorq@lemmy.ml
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        2 years ago

        An amount of time that would only be expected if you’re living in a dystopia.

        • XTornado@lemmy.ml
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          2 years ago

          Idk if I were living a dystopia I would quickly assume is true because is a dystopia. The issue is now that are in-between.

    • ohlaph@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Haha. I thought the same at first. Sounds about par tor the course.

    • java@beehaw.orgBanned
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      2 years ago

      Same. This is what makes this one brilliant.

  • Blackout@kbin.social
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    2 years ago

    I wonder where he got that money to buy that food too. Probably from the pockets of a poor billionaire 😢

  • don@lemm.ee
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    That’s what they get for showing up to work all fed and shit. Bet they’re the types of people who try to eat during working hours. Scum.

  • MonsiuerPatEBrown@reddthat.com
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    2 years ago

    If she was so hungry then why didn’t she die ?

    Freaking fakers.

    • ShimmeringKoi [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      2 years ago

      You have been promoted to Shift Supervisor

  • The Barto@sh.itjust.works
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    2 years ago

    Amazon’s such a shit company that I believed it, it wasn’t until I scrolled and noticed the onion logo that I worked it out.

    • MajorHavoc@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Yeah, I ate the Onion at first on this one too.

  • AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Damn employees, digesting instead of working.

  • sadreality@kbin.social
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    2 years ago

    Food was purchased outside of the company store

    • pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works
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      This I could actually see happening. Or make it such a food desert that it’s unthinkable to even try

      • semi_sentient@sh.itjust.works
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        2 years ago

        I read somewhere that company towns are starting to make a comeback. It’s only a matter of time until rentals are contingent upon you patronizing their brands.

        • Queen HawlSera@lemm.ee
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          We need human extinction or a new new deal…

          I don’t even care which anymore

  • paddirn@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Next they’ll start testing to make sure they still have urine in their bodies when they clock out, no taking any bathroom breaks on the clock!

  • ipkpjersi@lemmy.ml
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    This isn’t too far from reality, it seems.

  • Queen HawlSera@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    Given that this is the same company that makes people pee in bottles and keeps them after hours without pay… yeah not big surprise… actually it is a big surprise… given that this is just satire

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